How to build his strength and resilience

Hello Condor, first I'd just like to say what an amazing parent you are accepting and loving your son the way you do and that it's natural to be worried about him. To try to answer your question, I'm going to try to use myself as an example, but do not take the advice I give as 100% foolproof.

My freshman year, I was about like your son. I was a bit of a loner, I kept to myself, and maybe had about three or four really good friends. I wasn't really involved in that much at school. Sure, I took statistics for a varsity basketball team and played golf, but other than that, I was not in any other extracurriculars. Then, my sophomore year, I was accepted into Yearbook class, and joined a new group at our school called the Future Business Leaders of America. I was also asked to start taking statistics for softball and baseball. I was now doing more for my school and community, and had to go outside my comfort zones to meet new people and converse with people I usually would not conversate with. Now this year, I have joined even more clubs, including Honors, FCCLA, SADD, Drama Club, just to name a few. Over the last three years I have matured more than I ever have, and have met so many wonderful people doing so. For me, breaking down my walls and going beyond my comfort zone worked for me.

I would maybe ask your son if there is anything he's really interested in, either at school or away from school, and try to find an outlet for him within that interest where he can meet new people. For example, if he's into business, I'd try to see if his school has an FBLA chapter. If he is more family oriented, I'd try FCCLA. Also have him try to break out of his own comfort zone once in a while, but make sure he WANTS to do it, and that you're not forcing him, because that can be just as bad as him not doing anything at all.

I hope this helped.

 

One of the main parts of being resilient is having a support network. He probably has and actively uses those couple friends, but the best thing you could do as a parent is just to reinforce that his family is there for him. Just simply asking how he's doing, reminding him that he can talk to you, and generally supporting him in any way you can will provide him the ability to be resilient.

Also, be ready to be surprised a bit. I am not sure how he handled the whole coming to terms with his sexuality and coming out to you. However, he is alive which actually says a lot. I know for me, coming to terms with my sexuality really challenged me and now I'd be willing to say that I am more equipped to deal with certain emotional struggles better than people would think.

 

How do you know he is not already strong and resilient being "a loner" can make you strong and resilient. Loners aren't weak. Often they are because of social anxiety like me. I don't consider myself to be a loner because I fight against my social anxiety but thats perhaps not just about strength but about attitude as well.

 

There are all kinds of modern "rites of initiation" that boys will face, too often without their father's guidance.

These rites would include learning how to drive, a tough summer job (my first summer job was as a an aircraft cargo loader in the far north in Great Whale River, I was 18 that first summer), a first love, the first credit card (being responsible with money is an important component of being grown up), learning how to dress appropriately for certain occasions, making decisions, disagreeing when he disagrees, speaking up, acting when no one else will, taking initiative, tackling and mastering a skill...the list goes on and on.

One thing you and he should also remember: you yourself, as his father, are also one of his strengths...