Okay so I've always known my parents are stupid brainwashed people that watch Fox News bullshit, but they're being extremely homophobic right now. 1. At the 2013 graduation from my school, it was televised. My mom busts in my room with a weird smile on her face. Shes kinda laughing a little saying "____ is gay"? I asked her what was so funny and she said "nothing I just didn't know you were gay". As if it makes a difference! How's that any different than saying "You're Mexican? *cracks up* I didn't know that"? 2. When watching a show she kept saying "yeah she's definitely gay" just because she was a bit more masculine than the "typical female" (tattoos and was a welder). 3. If you've looked at the News, Hawaii is in the process of hopefully passing gay marriage. (!). However my mom said she was going to email our representatives to get him to vote against the bill. Hopefully it won't matter as Democrats control 86% of the State house and 96% of the State senate. She said that she doesn't think they should be allowed to get married. She said that it's wrong and that people have left the church because the church I go to isn't against gay marriage. That it's wrong that the church isn't against gay marriage. My dad tried showing me the article and I put the article down, I was crying in my head and stayed quiet as I did the dishes and didn't say a word. How do I deal with her homophobic and inconsiderate comments without telling her i'm gay or bi. One of my dad's best friends in high school way gay so how could he be so against his own friend. (He's no longer friends with him because my dad claims his friend tried to get him to go to a gay bar... when he was also underage)
I live in a similar situation. My best advice is to understand that your parents actions are not based in hatred, but fear of what they don't understand. They have not learned to be an accepting individual like yourself. Instead of opening themselves up to new viewpoints, they become defensive and lash out for what seems like no reason. Just know that their opinions do not affect who you are as a person. Their homophobia is THEIR problem, not yours. Do not carry that burden for them. Just continue to be yourself and you will find people in your life who will love you for everything you stand for.
My parents are the same. They are extreme homophobic and religious people. I'm still a minor so...I told myself that once I can go out of my country for Uni, I will. And I won't let any one from my family come with me or visit me. It's just so hard to hear all their mean and harsh jokes about these things...Always saying how it is the worst sin and all. I just really want them to stop being childish and notice, at least, SOMETHING about my behaviour. I mean, I think I made it obvious that I'm not straight and that I hate men! Sorry, no offence to any man out there, just had bad memories with men before... Anyways, for all the people who are having a tough time, please stay strong, even if it's hard. (Now, I don't really like physical interaction but... (&&&) )
The bottom line is you can't control your parent's behavior. As much as you want their acceptance, you can't force someone to change if they won't. Now who knows? They might embrace who you are when you tell them down the road. Things change, you are their child after all. In the meantime, just keep strong and know that you have a wonderful life ahead of you filled with people who will love you unconditionally. NEVER stop loving who you are and let their words slide off you like water off a duck's back. The words can't hurt you if you don't let them. This experience will make you stronger. In the future, you will look back at this point in your life and be proud that you endured and prevailed. Everything will be okay(*hug*)
I mean the fact of the matter is, is that I didn't even bother arguing against her values. I want to tell her that there aren't the same rights, you can't have separate but equal, and what happened to separation of church and state. Anyone that argues against that is Un-American and should just go live in another country. I want to tell her why its wrong without her thinking i'm LGBT. How would I do so when and if she mentions it again?
It sounds like she has already made up her mind about it..for now. Arguing about it will not do any good. She seems quite vocal about it, and I don't want to scare you but there's a chance she might already have a small inkling that you are gay. Parents kind of know these things. My mother is the same way. I haven't told her I'm gay but she brings up the topic, almost like to rile me up. If you are not ready to tell her its fine just don't rise to her level when she starts in about it. You know in your mind that what she says isn't true, isn't that enough? I would suggest being patient with her, but not allowing her words to sink in too much. You have to stop letting her opinions define you. Its a big world out there and not everyone is going to agree on everything. You know who you are and forget the haters. I realize her opinion is important to you, but you can't let her view be a personal attack towards who you are. Take peace in knowing that you are enough and there is nothing wrong with you. There are many others out there who are in the same boat as you, and they are probably reading this as well. Just don't lose yourself, it gets better I promise.
Why would you think that she thinks i'm gay. I mean there was that time I was watching gay porn instead of doing my homework and she saw me on the computer and got pissed that I wasn't doing it, but that doesn't mean she saw what I was viewing... I just realized how dumb that sounds. I mean my mom is kind of a douche but I doubt she'd say things like that just to get a reaction. Wouldn't that be like a terrible and evil thing to do? I mean she's a crazy right winged misinformed idiot but still. I mean she's never had a personal conversation about anything serious before. My family is very loud and doesn't just shut up. When I was defending the legalization of pot and mentioning valid points she started bitching and accusing my dad of telling me the truth. She acted like I was smoking pot and was very loud and upfront about it. I'm typically a very thick skinned person now days and don't let things bother me. It just irritates me that her "views" are so :***: up. Her mother says racist things a lot because "it's the norm of her generation therefore okay". Should I mention that she's acting like her mother and that's not acceptable to say these days?
i thought people with tattoo nowadays is just common, if not, for fashion or fun or attracting people. as for women in welding, isn't that what woman's right about? lol maybe next time that comes up, you can allude to her how even some female celebs have tats, and woman in welding is a good thing or something
oh right! my bad. I just read the thing about fashion and I forgot I said the thing about the welder. Anyways yeah i'll mention it.
I'm not saying for sure she thinks that because I don't know the entire situation. I'm just pointing out a possibility. I've heard that parents can kind of tell. Again, I'm not saying she does, its just an observation on my part. So don't freak out lol. She's probably not doing it to treat you terribly..its coming from a place of fear. It is human nature to sometimes become defensive and lash out when faced with the unknown. This is how some people cope (not all of us though). I understand that she is your mother, but you don't need her approval to be happy with yourself. Yes her opinions are blurred, but that is not your problem. You are not responsible for "fixing" her. When she starts in, just keep calm and remember that she is acting out of fear and masking it with hate. You just have to let it go man. You know whats right and wrong, that's enough.
