I am 21 years old. I came out when I was 16 to my mum and dad. I am probably your typical LGBT. I was straight all my life until I met this 1 girl. It was college after I had finished school I had a boyfriend all through summer and we split up just before I went back to college. I was in class with some people I went to school with but also a lot of new people who had joined in particular for that course. Oh and it was all girls. What could go wrong right? Not the case. The first day of term and I laid eyes on a girl. It was a small class of 15 so it was all close knit. I was immediately attracted to the girl and began what I thought would be a friendship. Wrong. As time went by I found myself coming attractive to her but I was confused about why. I often thought to myself that I'm being stupid and it's just a girl crush through weekends or holidays when I wouldn't see her. But when I'd go back to school the butterfly's in my stomach would immediately come back. I had fallen for this girl without even realising I was gay! After just 3months of meeting the girl I accepted my sexuality and confided in my friends, even my mum and dad. Then I found out she was gay. After 6 months of knowing each other we finally came clean when we were on our own. But obviously I was to scared to tell her how I'd felt because I'd never been on that position before. Ever since we met there's always been a flirty relationship between us but neither did anything about it. Then finally after a year I finally came clean. I had to. It was bothering me. I confessed that I thought she was the most stunning girl I'd ever laid eyes on and that I had feelings for her but it was too late. She had previously had a relationship with a friend who for some stupid reason cheated on her and hurt her and although she had feelings for me she didn't want to lose me as she loved me to much and claimed she wasn't ready for a relationship with me. I thought to myself surely this isn't happening, I mean a love story never plans out like this?! I just wanted the ground to open and swallow me up. It felt like I'd been stabbed on the stomach. Throughout that month we were still texting and discussing what had been said and how we felt. I was hoping that she may have a change of heart but no. As she found a new girlfriend who I disliked very much as she was sleazy, cocky and just didn't treat her right, it caused strain to out relationship and we went a couple of months without seeing or speaking to each other, although the out of sight out of mind motto was never appropriate to me. I thought about her everyday. Gettin to the end of the year I found myself a girlfriend who was pretty, nice and treated me like a princess. It kind of took my mind off the whole situation a bit. Instead of thinking about her 24hrs a day it dropped to 23hrs a day. But then we got talking again and I kind of accepted (bitterly) that maybe we could be friends as having her as a friend was better than not having her at all. So it worked for a while. We went out on a night with our friends and things seemed to be going ok until I saw her with her girlfriend. It felt wrong and made me feel sick. I was quiet and in and out of the toilet for the rest of the night trying to compose my self and snap out of it which I did a good job of until it was just me and her on the way home. I broke down she broke down at the sight of me crying and all of a sudden the moment of waited for the first kiss. It wasn't what I imagined it to be but I suppose it never is. It was amazing, possibly the best moment of my life. I thought that was it when I got home. This is it I told myself we will live happily ever after. But my vision was shattered the next morning when I received an apology text claiming the it shouldn't of happened. Bitter blow. From this first kiss in till now (a few years) I have struggled quietly with depression, anxiety and confidence. Again after the kiss it was another rough patch but she split up with her girlfriend 3 months after but I haven't got my hopes up since that day. We have become best friends and she tells me time after time that I am the love of her life but let's not rush into anything. I see her point of view entirely because I agree I wouldn't want to lose her. But if she feels even slightly how I do then were in it for the long run. Her mum, friends, family have all told me they want me to be with her but she's her own person after all. Even now I still have my amazing girlfriend but as selfish as it sounds nobody compares to her. I have considered therapy as I can't really talk to anyone about this because I hire behind a smile which is good but also bad. Any advice anybody?! Thanks.[/QUOTE]
Openly communicating with others is almost never a bad thing. Talking to this girl you are in love with about how you feel is good, and as of now it seems she just wants to take things slow. There's not much you can do if she needs time before knowing what she'll want to do. Here is something to consider: if you are in love with someone else, is it really fair to you to keep your girlfriend along with you? Does your girlfriend know that you are into someone else? That would also be something worth talking about, and it'd be for the best in the long run. If you're considering whether therapy may be beneficial for you to partake in, you may wish to look into seeing a school therapist or counsellor, if you're in high school or are pursuing post-secondary education.
THAT IS A BERLIN FUCKING WALL OF TEXT! PARAGRAPHS Pwease!? Okay. What Luthan said is really valid. I know it may seem hard, but if you stay with her and tell her how hard it is for you, she might understand. If you stay her friend, she might understand. It doesn't seem like she's making committed relationships right now, so you have time before she wants to (if ever) marry. Tell her she means the world to you, and if you had any power over it you two would be inseperable. Tell her she shouldn't be afraid to lose you. That's all I got.
