Hi Everybody, I met a guy through a mutual friend about 3 years ago, on Thanksgiving Dinner and we became good buddies afterwords. Mind you we talked for hours every day and our conversations would last anywhere between 15 minutes to 3 hours at times, for about 2 years straight. He was clear from the get go that he considers me as his little brother, which I didn't understand at the beginning, because I thought it was a mechanism he used to distant himself from guys who might want to more intimate or involve romantically with him. I finally had the guts to email him how I felt about him in August 2012. As I expected, his answer was also "Brotherly" and that If I need time to be myself, then he will respect that. We rarely spoke for about 5 months and then decided to talk in January of 2013. I obviously was very broken and he admitted that he was in that state too. What helped him was his studies as he was taking bunch of classes, but that I, and I am quoting this " made a huge drop" in his life by my disappearance. Sometimes I feel he is afraid to touch me or hug me. Even in a very recent incident, when our mutual friend died of Cancer just 3 weeks ago, he was there with me every step of the way, consoling me. Yet he never cried or showed deep emotions as we were burying our friend. Finally, he decided to go away to visit his family overseas for a month and half and asked me if I can look after his 12 year old cat, who he adores and considers like his life partner. I said yes and now she is really cute, calm and sleeping next to me while I am writing this post..oh and I hear some snoring too !! Do you guys think that it is time for me to let my feelings go ? Can we be just friends and "brothers"? P.S I have a wide imagination so sometimes my thoughts get carried away.
If you want to be in a relationship with him, you should tell him, because it can be the start of something good and it might be what he wants. If you don't want to be in a relationship with him, you could still be great friends. It can go either way, but it ultimately depends upon how you feel about this. And just in case, no matter which way you go, try to tell him how you really feel because he might think you're just leading him on when you don't really love him. It could also cause him to tell you how he really feels about you. Tell him a few days after he gets back from visiting his family because you might get him upset when he should be having a good time, and so it doesn't seem like you were waiting a long time to tell him, or else he might think it is his fault for not being there earlier. I know there are a lot of 'might's, but I hope you now have an idea on what to tell him, how to tell him, and when to tell him. Best of luck to you.
Hi Tailsfan, Thanks for replying. I feel sometimes that we can be great together as partners. I have known him for a while now and I kinda like the whole package: He is tough headed, generous, extrovert, good cook, loves his friends and cultured. But in that phone call where we wanted to talk, I asked him if he had feelings for me. As I recall he said yes but he is afraid to hurt me! Do you still think I should pursue this?
Yes. You could end up spending the rest of your lives together, but there isn't even a chance of that happening you don't. You'll never know what will happen unless you try.
@dapulu: We are both gay. @2112: He is tough headed person. He hasn't been in a relationship in a long time. There are things also that big NO NO for him in terms of discussions: Sex, Feelings and Money. Although he claims that he opens up to me only because he feels better after he talks to me and unload whatever burden he has on his shoulders, I sometimes feel he has limits with me. I know alot about him but I feel he is hiding something. I did ask him if he was hiding something or that he was limiting something off, he denied. I think I am going off topic here. The bottom line is: I genuinely like him and I know he likes me. What about the chemistry you guys? Do you think that him and I have great friendship chemistry only? Is he afraid to experiment with sexual chemistry too?
Well, you could ask him those very questions, especially about whether you only have friendship chemistry or something more than that. We can't really know what's going on in his mind, and it seems the evidence you gave suggests he is very reticent in his interactions with you.
He might not be willing to get into a relationship yet, especially with a guy. He did not even start a conversation with you in that 5 months is probably his thinking that you might be confused and needs some time away to settle your thoughts and emotions. The fact he treats you as his "brother" is probably because he doesn't want to lose a close friend like you. I know how you feel though, but being in love is different from having a crush on someone. I've had similar experiences and this guy suddenly left me, till now, after 2 months, not once, have I succeeded in getting him off my head. Good luck though.. ~
My friend is coming back at the end of November. We talked yesterday over the phone for good 45 minutes. He is busy with his house cleaning and fixing some walls and ceilings. One of our mutual friends texted him few days ago and said that the city here is not the same without him. I kinda felt the same way but didn't want to say it..so I just moved to another topic.I think I am just learning to restrain myself from being emotional with him. I think we are better being friends. I looked over all the emails in the last couple years as well as the voicemails he left for me. It is clearer to me now that he is just an intimate friend.
