I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian, but even so, I'm still scared of being sexual in any way, of being perceived as a sexual person. I had something happen when I was younger, but I want to be over it--i'm talking it out, but really have been for a while. I really want to have a girlfriend. I also have an eating disorder and body issues though, so it's tough there too. Is anyone else in the same situation? Or have any advice?
What do you mean you're afraid to feel sexual in any way? As I see it, your body only wants to get over what you've been through before your next experience, or probably wait until there is someone to truly motivate you. Also, if I'm guessing it correctly, you only need a girlfriend for support and understanding. But I don't think there's any advice that can be given. You probably will only have to wait until you find someone worth your love, but also keep your eyes wide open until then. Maybe your friends could provide the support you need until your next love story?
Contradicting what Prince said, I don't think you're truly afraid to feel sexual. With you saying you had an issue when you were young that could be possibly triggering that fear, I'm thinking that it's such that has created this fear. You could probably become at least a somewhat sexual human being, with self-permission, when you get through what you've been working with. Note: self-permission. Don't feel that you need to be sexual. I can get the want to have a girlfriend. I want one for the support, the understanding of what situation I'm in, and, most of all, to be loved; that could be the same case with you. Just be patient, and be strong; love may be confused, faulty, and a procrastinator, but love is kind, too. I had a binge-eating disorder all through middle school, and habitually self-starved Freshman year. I am also an ex-self harmer. Even though most of the burn scars are gone, some are still there. And believe me, I'm no stranger to stretch marks and diet guidelines. But you know what I can tell you? It truly does get better. You just have to fight through every difficulty. I don't know what your disorder is, but this is what I'll give: Don't treat food as an escape; don't shy away from it, convinced that if you do, you'll be prettier by the second. I did both. Talk to family, friends, a dietitian, people on EC (I'm more than willing to help). They're all resources. As for body issues, every inch of you is beautiful. And if that sounds cliche, here's this: every part of your body tells a story. Every freckle, every scar, every stretch mark, every hair, every blemish. It shows where you've been. It shows that you lived, seen life for everything in it. And it shows that you survived. It tells the epic tale of YOU. And it may be a struggle at first to love it, but then you realize that your story is worth telling. I hope you can work through your issues. Good luck. <3 ~Sunshine
