So I'm in college and in my Astronomy class there is a guy that I find gorgeous and basically an "answer to my prayers"! BUT the deal is I don't know how to just go up and speak with him. I'm shy, antisocial, INTP and can't really talk to people that I don't know or just people in general. I don't know anything about him besides that he is in my class and sits in the same spot every class. Once I tried to say hi to him... I ran outside after class to get a little ahead of him because we walk the same way and I just smiled at him and stared for a hot second at his whole body. He actually smiled back but I'm not taking it to heart that it would mean anything. I actually opened my mouth and tired to say hi but nothing came out and I just looked extremely stupid... I've basically stopped trying but my friend says to just say hi like its no big deal but because I have social problems and can't think straight when I am under pressure, nothing will happen. Any suggestions on what I could do? I wanted to ask him to lunch but I don't know if that is to much for someone that I don't even know, and who might not be bi... I only have 5 weeks left in the quarter and I would love to at least know his name. Have any of you been in this type of situation? or something similar?
You could wave or say hi if you ever pass by him. Just little things, so he gets familiar with your face, you know. Or, if you don't have patience, like me, you could go up and introduce yourself. Just start with like, "Hi, I'm cuddlebewar, I'm in your astronomy class" or something to that effect. Try to strike up a conversation. I know that I'm making it sound easy, but I know that it probably won't be. It's hard to wrestle your nerves down and relax. Just calm down a bit. Do whatever you do to relax: count to ten before going up to him, take deep breaths, whatever. What could go wrong, if you remain calm? Saying hello to someone for the first time can be nerve wracking for everyone, but that doesn't mean you can't do it. Don't give up. If you at least want to know his name you have to introduce yourself in some capacity. It doesn't have to be today, tomorrow, or the day after, even. Just do it sometime. Heck, you could even do it with your friend with you and introduce yourselves together. Maybe that could help keep you anchored and less worried about anything that's bothering you. Strength in numbers Be confident :icon_wink
I am also an INTP! Stop thinking of him as an unapproachable object, like some god. Once you start thinking of him as a normal person with insecurities and feelings of his own, you'll become less inhibited. But, I agree that confidence is the main thing. I had a crush on this guy that rode the same bus; and for over a month, I could never bring myself to talk to him even when we we sat facing each other (I knew he recognized me). Eventually, I found the perfect icebreaker question, and I kept practicing how I was going to say it, but even then I waited until halfway through the bus ride to force myself to blurt it out. Trust me, all that tension and stress was for nothing because that guy was very friendly (though he's most likely straight) and always interesting to talk to; I wish I had done this earlier. Asking him to lunch as your first thing is probably a little too forward. However, you can do simple small talk like asking what he did over the weekend (or if it's Friday, what he will do), where he's from, what his interests/hobbies are, what's his major, etc. The thing is to get him to talk about himself and then find something that is a common interest. Eventually, by showing interest in him, he will start to notice and think about you. The best part is when you've developed a rapport such that he will start asking about what you've been doing.
"A major concern for INTPs is the haunting sense of impending failure. They spend considerable time second-guessing themselves. The open-endedness (from Perceiving) conjoined with the need for competence (NT) is expressed in a sense that one's conclusion may well be met by an equally plausible alternative solution, and that, after all, one may very well have overlooked some critical bit of data. An INTP arguing a point may very well be trying to convince himself as much as his opposition. In this way INTPs are markedly different from INTJs, who are much more confident in their competence and willing to act on their convictions." As an INTJ, my advice is for you to realize the most positive end to this situation is exactly what you want. Stop second-guessing yourself. Good luck!
Try doing things around him that gets him to notice you or grab his attention. Do the both of you have any mutual friends? Use them to ask him to hangout with you. Slowly progress from there. Good luck~!
