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Can you ever just be friends with a crush?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Illus1, Oct 27, 2013.

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  1. Illus1

    Illus1
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    So there is this guy in my classes that I have a huge crush on. Now I'm totally burried in the closet and wel that's fine for me for now. So as usual with me I never try to get close to somebody I'm crushing on. (Heck we are talking me getting puppy dog eyes which is hard to conceal when you are close friends). So the strange thing is HE want's to be friends with ME, he's always nice to me and well I'm nice too but mostly cordial.
    So we have these group projects that have to be made and he volunteers to work with me and ofcourse I say yes. (While thinking that was really random) There is a third person too so not only me and him but still it's really hard concentrating. Again I am distant & try to work more with the other guy (because I have to get some work done lol). I have to mention he's straight & has a gf & I guess he picked me because I'm really good in class.
    Anyway I guess I will get through this project and well another friend of mine (also same course) she told me that I seem proud even another guy once joked that I shouldn't be messed with because I can be mean.
    Ohk maybe I can be mean,I try not to be it was a defence mechanism from highschool that just stayed but I was surprised how the other guy picked it up. I guess maybe my silent/aloofness at times and my ability at being good socially at other times gives people the impression that I am proud and not socially inept? I kinda don't see it.

    I completely sidetracked srry, I have friends as former crushes but always keep my distance. Heck one of them is a guy I've known for years. Is it possible to be a good friend to someone without being totally in puppy eye mode? How do you guys do it? It's like the straight people question: Can a guy and a girl with a one-sided crush ever be just friends?
     
    #1 Illus1, Oct 27, 2013
  2. Saturn7

    Saturn7
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    In my experience - yes.

    Some of the most rewarding friendships I've had with girls have been those who have rejected me after I asked them out. xD

    I remember at school it was particularly painful. She told me 'no', then a week later started dating my best friend.

    But you know what? Their relationship didn't last long. And my friendship with her just grew from strength to strength.

    In many ways I feel like I gained something more than I would have by just dating her (and messing it up, cos I'm a plonker).

    I've also had experiences with girls that I did end up dating and everything went pear shaped, and I lost them both as a lover and as a friend.
    That's a life-haunting regret right there, let me tell you.

    That's just my experience though. But if I exist, which I'm not 100% sure about, then it must be possible!
     
    #2 Saturn7, Oct 27, 2013
  3. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    One of my best friends ever rejected me in favour of my best friend ever...

    If you really like the person and not just the idea of having sex with them, it becomes a hell of a lot easier to just be friends. I found that I was far more interested in them as a person and the crush I'd had on her for ages went away really quickly. Now she's more like a sister!
     
    #3 BookDragon, Oct 27, 2013
  4. resu

    resu
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    Yes, if you stop crushing on them, or at least minimize your crush. I was infatuated with a guy because of his ridiculous good looks, I later learned he's married and seems to be straight and loves his wife (they went on a Caribbean trip for their five year anniversary last week).

    My crush diminished as I began to know him as a real person, just like my other male friends whom I've never had a crush on. Probably what helped was that he never really gave mixed signals in eye contact or speech. Ultimately, you can become friends if you were already compatible in terms of personality/interests.
     
    #4 resu, Oct 27, 2013
  5. RyanCJJ

    RyanCJJ
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    Of course when you guys are trying to just be 'friends. That person that's having the one-sided crush might do something, somehow make his love for his crush apparent in his actions. So if you really want to be close friends for a long period of time, I'd rather you come out to him now then scarring him later on.
     
    #5 RyanCJJ, Oct 28, 2013
  6. method

    method
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    As long as you don't set yourself any expectations, then, yes

    (But what do I know? Like yourself, I've always distanced myself from any crushes in the past - mainly cause I got super nervous and could not breathe properly around them haha)
     
    #6 method, Oct 29, 2013
  7. Saturn7

    Saturn7
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    I think there's a lot of wisdom in this even if you don't suffer from anxiety.

    Sometimes, creating a bit of space between you and the object of your affections can help you to see things more rationally and with a more objective perspective.

    Living your life for a little while without them can also be empowering and help you understand that you don't necessarily need that person to be happy.

    I think it's worth striving to be happy with oneself and to like oneself.

    So when you get back in contact with them, you can feel a lot less powerless and understand their positive aspects better.
     
    #7 Saturn7, Oct 29, 2013
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