Hey guys I'm back again. So, I've been with this guy for a little while and we kiss a lot! I mean A LOT! But anyway I feel unsafe when I'm around him now. Why you may ask? Well... I went over to his house to play xbox. We were on his bed, and when we got bored we watched family guy on netflix. We played the kissing game and it goes like this (Every time something would make us laugh we would kiss). So we were watching the show and we'd kissed about 16 times already. Then out of nowhere he's like "Okay thats it", and starts kissing me. I liked it and it started making out with him but then he got too rough. I tried to stop but he wouldn't get off of me. EXAMPLE: http://24.media.tumblr.com/8d36d289d825803f79492e58ff14395b/tumblr_mjbk3o24e61r4i1u2o1_400.gif (but I was kind of panicking) I yelled " OKAY STOP LETS TAKE A BREAK PLEASE" and His body was between my legs and I couldn't move. Then my head hit the back of the bed (against the wall) and he grabbed my arm so hard I have a huge bruise. I pushed him off, and my head neck and arm was hurting really bad. My eyes where watering an I walked out of his house to go home. He ran out of his house and yelled he was sorry. I didn't look back and kept walking so he followed me and kept apologizing saying he got too into it. So I just yelled at him to go away and he stopped and went home. He keeps texting me but I don't respond. I don't know what to do. I have to wear long sleeves to school and at home to hide the bruise and I have a hickey on my neck that HURTS BAD and ugh I have to hide all this from my parents so I lied and said my friend Sarah pushed me but they don't believe me. I really like him but I used to feel safe around him because he's a bigger guy, and cut. But now I get scared, in the sense of being touched without consent. Do you guys think I'm over reacting? Should we fix things? I'm so confused. btw: I'm a Sophomore and he's a Juninior
From the way this sounds, I think he would do it again, and even go as far as having sex without your consent. I think you should stop contact with him and tell your parents what actually happened. You're not overreacting at all, and you have reason to feel unsafe around him.
Yes, you are not overreacting since he probably could overpower you and that he really doesn't know how to control himself once he's aroused, which sounds very risky. Unfortunately, this isn't something he can change immediately, so you need to be cautious with him. If you really feel he didn't mean to do this on purpose and still want to salvage the relationship, then you should start taking baby steps. It's probably best not to be with him alone for a long time. Whether you tell your parents is up to you since you have to decide if this crossed your red line and he should be punished; telling your parents could lead to serious consequences for him (i.e. they may get very upset themselves and do something drastic like talking to his parents or bringing charges).
It sounds like he didn't really know what he was doing and judging by the fact that he chased you outside your house he probably was generally sorry. If you like him then forgive him and judge him if he does it again.
As has been said before, you definitely have a right to feel worried. I definitely know what it feels like to be on the smaller side and being with someone who is quite bigger than you would definitely be uncomfortable if you didn't have that level of trust. He has put a dent in that trust, and why I agree with the previous posters that have tried to give him some slack, especially since you guys are young, this can be a dangerous path for you. Next time could be rape; next time could be domestic violence. So, I will leave it to you to judge whether you think he is truthfully a good and trustworthy person at heart, and possibly finally being with someone and his extreme arousal could have made him make a mistake he would only make once. I just caution that you take it very slow. You two need to start from square one, and that trust needs to be reassured entirely before even so much as a kiss occurs again.
He was probably really into you and was heated up at the moment. Was this a first time? If so, you should hold back on telling your parents because with that will come a lot of consequences also if you really do like that guy that much. But you should also worry about your safety... maybe not be with him alone for awhile and let him know to slow things down a bit and see how that works out. Trust your self and if you are feeling unsafe then get yourself out of the situation....you know yourself best.
I suggest talking to him - somewhere social but not where you could be overheard. Talk about how you felt. perhaps he misread the signs and wanted to go all out. The heat of the moment can make guys lose control. It certainly sounds like he may have been there. I do recommend talking though because while it may or may not clear the air it leaves you both understanding where you stand and you can move on, either together or on your separate ways. Good luck
Hey, I think you should probably go your own separate ways but I don't think notifying people or authorities is the way to go, unless he gets retaliatory or starts acting weird. He probably won't. I'm trying to picture this. It sounds like he's a big guy for his age and there's a size difference. He kind of reminds me of the (closeted) jock or country boy who sort of goes wild went he gets the chance. I could be wrong. At any rate, this is about YOUR level of comfort. If this is upsetting to you, then go with your gut. Your feelings are valid. So, is this an exclusive kind of arrangement and how did you get to know each other? I take it you go to the same school, so finding other kids who are out and willing to get together may not be easy. I know that, if I think back about high school, it would not have been easy to find a situation like this. Either way, this part shouldn't matter. The roughness of play could escalate, and you should be out of this kind of rapport before that occurs.
Hey, I'm back and I talked to him. Today is Monday (first day of school for the week) and during lunch I was sitting with my friends eating and he comes up to us and says "Can I borrow you for a second" so being in a school with lots of people I feel a little bit more safe and walk with him to a separate table. I said "what do you want?" His eyes start to water and he apologizes to me. He told me that he never meant for it to be this way, so then he gets up and grabs my hand to lead me to a further table. He is closeted to his friends so he lets go of my hand when people walk by (I don't really care about that because he's not ready yet). We go under the wooden bleachers and I kind of get scared because of what happened. He tells me that he loves me and I'm his first (boyfriend) and he dosent want to screw things up and he lost control and thought I liked what was happening and his eyes water and I give him some sympathy because he was sincere and he's really cute. Afterwards I tell him, I forgive you but... I won't be coming over his house for a while because we need some space. As of right now we're on a 2-3 week break. So we talked until the bell rang and then kissed and hugged for like 10 minutes straight but then had to jet out because the basketball team practices after school and people where everywhere. I think I made a good choice by the break thing, but if I ever feel unsafe again I think Its going to end the relationship.
You did everything right. Good job! Also, I know it's easy to talk about "guys losing control" as if it is inevitable (though you rarely hear that about women...), but that's an excuse IMO for immaturity. It sounds like he really is honest. Maybe you could talk to him about this since usually people who lose control have other issues (like personal/family problems) that have affected their self-discipline.
