When your friends and/or family "figure it out" before you do

So, I'm 23 years old and one of my oldest friends (since the age of 3) hypothesized about me being gay for over a decade. I can remember many times her telling me that she thought I was a lesbian and constantly asking me if I was sure I was 100% straight etc. and on many occasions flat-out argued with me about my sexuality.

And I think, because she was so aggressive about it, and frankly scared me about how people would react, I vehemently denied it, despite knowing there was truth to her words.

She's not the only friend in my life to question my sexuality. Another close friend of mine, when she was drunk one night, started saying all of the same things and even came onto me, tried to kiss me to "test her suspicions". This again scared the crap outta me for a number of reasons (1. I'm not used to being hit-on by anyone and 2. she's like a sister to me and her coming onto me was mentally scarring) and what she was saying hit home for me in a big way, things like how I was probably hiding because I was afraid of my mother's disapproval etc.

I'm not the most confident person, and have battled with low self-esteem and depression for years, so I think this aggressiveness from people so close to me kinda made me close up and repress a lot of what I've been feeling. It's made me kinda scared to explore those feelings.

The first friend is no longer apart of my life anymore, we've lost touch over the last two years or so. It's been over this time period that I've seriously opened up to myself about who I am and how I feel. I've even told two of my other close friends about it and thankfully got a much better response.

The second friend and I have never spoken about that drunken night over 18 months ago. She called me the next day, apologizing for her drunkenness but never brought up the trying-to-kiss-me-incident, claiming she hardly remembered a thing from that night. I don't know if she genuinely doesn't remember or just doesn't want to, but in order to keep an otherwise amazing friend I've decided to forget about what happened and just chalk her behaviour up to an isolated drunken mistake.

I was just wondering if people have dealt with such negative responses from close friends and/or family about your sexuality before you came out or when you were still questioning/finding yourself? And how you dealt with it? Did it knock your confidence? Push you more into denial/make you repress your feelings etc. or the complete opposite?

Thanks for reading x

 

Thanks so much for your kind words. I have found one friend in particular that I've come out to: admitting that I've always had feelings towards other girls and have little to no desire towards boys and I got a great response from her. So I do feel better than I have in a long time about it. The next step, is coming out to my mother. She's the most important person in my life and I feel like I just can't keep it from her any longer. Hopefully it goes well. Thanks again

 

Thanks so much