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Have any of you gotten out of the friendzone or regretted friendzoning some one?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by fortheloveoflez, Oct 28, 2013.

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  1. fortheloveoflez

    fortheloveoflez
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    There's a lovely woman who came into my life about 5 months ago. We were in a work situation (she's in a more dominant position) so our conversations were supposed to be minimal but I still found that she talked and smiled much more to me than others (obviously I smiled a lot to her a lot because I couldn't help it). So long story short before I moved cities and left, I ended up telling her that I thought she was a catch and attractive etc. to which she responded saying she's glad I said that...asked a few questions and wrote hugs at the end of the message. I found myself back in town and she asked me out to dinner.

    Towards the end I felt a bit confused what was going on so I asked her directly if she viewed me as a romantic prospect. At which she responded that she's straight (very loudly clarified that) and had no idea I was flirting with her but felt bad if I felt misled. So basically I was friendzoned.

    Now, I know it's rare to get out of the friendzone according to my experience. But I've also learned (from myself and others) that some times the people who react the loudest when you do any thing more or less gay around them actually have tendencies themselves or are insecure of their heterosexuality. I"M NOT SAYING EVERY ONE IS LIKE THAT THOUGH.

    So some times I wonder: How do you know you are rejected because of the negative stigma associated with homosexuality versus being rejected because they actually AREN'T at all interested.

    Have you ever found yourself or some one else changing their mind and considering you as a romantic prospect after either friendzoning you or saying in that there was NO way they'd be interested in the same gender???????????????

    Please share your experiences, I'm curious.
     
    #1 fortheloveoflez, Oct 28, 2013
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2013
  2. Hrantou

    Hrantou
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    I've been there...but it was a weird situation. Back in high school there was this girl I really actually liked. I was gay. At this time though, I didn't want to accept it. I told myself I liked her...and I actually did, but not romantically. But I figured EVENTUALLY I would. So I asked her out...TWICE, and both times she friendzoned me hard. So I gave up.

    Fast forward, 2 years later...and its right before I left high school, and randomly she just approaches me and tells me that "she's ready" to give me a shot. And I was so happy. I was like "Yes! Out of the friendzone! And I got a girlfriend!"

    Yeah we dated just a month. And she broke it off. The official reason was "she wasn't feeling it" but the REALLY official reason was I was gay. So incredibly gay. So I guess you can say I got out of the friendzone...? I'm not sure hahahah.

    Weird situation, but I hope that's something you were looking for :slight_smile:
     
    #2 Hrantou, Oct 28, 2013
  3. Thursby

    Thursby
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    I've never left the friendzone when this happens, but I guess in very rare situations it could work out. Obviously it depends if the person is confused with their sexuality or not. That point in a person's life probably isn't the best time to jump into a relationship. I had a best friend who I had feelings for, and the situation ended the same way. He had no idea he was leading me on, mostly because I read too deeply into certain things (like most people do when they are in love).

    It just makes me wonder though... if they are so uncertain, can they really give you what you need out of a relationship? They need time to think things over. You deserve someone in your life that is fully ready to commit themselves and acknowledge your worth. If they can't even come to terms with who they are, how can they prove it to you in a relationship? And if she isn't gay there is no point in pining away for her because I can tell you from experience that is an agonizing and pointless effort.
     
    #3 Thursby, Oct 28, 2013
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2013
  4. Case

    Case
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    Long time ago I was the one to put a girl in the 'friend zone'. At the time I was considering myself straight and never thought about the possibility that I may like a girl. I was a senior in high school and she was a junior. I was drawn to her and we really hit it off as friends. She always seemed to make me laugh. I think I may have gave her an impression too. She did ask me out and I was shocked. I told her that I was straight and that was kind of the end of it.

    What she didn't know was that it did intrigue me when I thought about the possibility, but I just shock it off. I think if I still was in touch with her, I would tell her now that maybe I was wrong to say no. Maybe if I actually gave it a try then I wouldn't be in the position that I am now.

    After I graduated we grew apart. I saw her a few times the next year when I came back to help coach track because she was on the team. It was always exciting to see her and catch up, but after I left for college and she graduated, that was the end of that.

    So, it could be that she is attracted to you but doesn't know it yet. Just keep in touch with her and continue to be her friend. You never know. She may come around. Or she may not. You just never know. I hope this helps from a perspective on the other side of the spectrum.
     
    #4 Case, Oct 31, 2013
  5. resu

    resu
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    Very few people ask me even if I have a girlfriend; I guess I seem asexual. However, I definitely have one example: a gay guy who was in the same major with me and so we had quite a few classes together. Slowly, we became acquaintances as we got into advanced courses where there were only ~20-30 students max, and he was somewhat effeminate/flamboyant in his speech (set off my gaydar). My semi-internalized homophobia coupled with his often vain remarks turned me off from any mental attraction.

    One time he was sitting with me and a mutual female friend (who had once confided to me this guy was a little annoying), and we were talking about our experiences being undergraduate research assistants. He mentioned he was thinking about trying it out, as well. I found out the next day he had joined my lab group! Previously, everyone in the lab, except me, was straight, and there was only one girl. She apparently has a lot of gay friends, and she and this guy were often talking to each other. Later on, he added me on Skype (I was forced to say my username because my professor had recently "discovered" Skype and wanted to use it for meetings), and then he added me on Facebook (which showed he's "semi-closeted").

    Eventually, the girl in our lab asked me if I knew about the gay dating app G****r, which I denied (I was vaguely aware, but I was too closeted to use such a service), and she apologized that she thought I was gay. I didn't say I was straight directly. But, I am sure it was this guy who suggested I was gay; she was didn't have a clue before. However, after this episode, I panicked because I didn't really like this guy and friendzoned him. I guess I'm too picky sometimes; I also didn't trust him to come out to him (he's quite talkative). On his last day in the lab, he gave me a really long look before leaving.
     
    #5 resu, Nov 1, 2013
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