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Pursuing a teammate?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by redsoxgrl34, Oct 28, 2013.

  1. redsoxgrl34

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    I am new to this site, this is my first post. I was tired of all the childish sites and thought I'd try this one out instead! I'm 19 and a sophomore in college. I have dated guys before but basically after my last 2 year relationship with guy I told him I couldn't do it anymore because simply put, I like women. Were still best friends and we give each other advice. Now that's a little background and onto the issue at hand. This year I joined the rugby club team (I know seems pretty stereotypical). I think its one of the best decisions I've ever made. Its like a whole new lifestyle and I love it. The issue is that there is another girl on the team who I have some feelings for. We like the same tv shows, music, same sense of humor, all that sorta stuff. I'd say were on the edge of acquaintances and flirty friends. The thing is that one of the other teammates had said she was bi but I have never heard this directly. It seems like she is flirting with me, but I can never be absolutely sure because it could just be friendliness. She will often stand near me at practice, and moves so she is standing next to me. She takes an interest in seeing me outside of rugby, for example on Halloween we were both going to be at parties/adult trickortreating in the same area and she made a point to say something about seeing me out. There are other small signs like us teasing each other and what not but nothing concrete. I like her but I feel like I must tread lightly since were teammates. Any suggestions? Thanks for the help!
     
  2. Saturn7

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    Hi and welcome to EC!

    I can't guarantee anything about not being childish. I still play video games and like cartoons.

    Aaanyway...

    Rugger bugger, eh? At least, that's what we used to call them here in the UK at public schools. Nyes.
    That's awesome! I like rugby but I'm crap at it. I get blown away if the wind is any more than a breeze, if you follow.

    I think there are two main issues at hand here - and you've identified both of them.

    The first one has a simple, but scary solution. Attraction.
    Basically, this involves having a direct conversation with her in a private place. How out are you? If it's a secret, then you're opening yourself up to potential hurt as well as rejection. If you're out, then you can only be rejected because she's not into girls, or she just doesn't like you. But, that's life, right?
    This is scary, but you'll know and you'll have an answer, so you can enjoy a relationship or stop fretting and move onwards with your life.

    The second issue is the team aspect.
    This is something you'll have to be much much more careful about. In my experience, two people dating on a team has the potential to go incredibly pair shaped. And it's a problem that could affect not just the people involved - but the entire team.

    It depends entirely upon the maturity of the two people dating. If they can act like reasonable adults, then even if there are problems or a break up, you'll be able to deal with it professionally. If even one party is immature, then it can ruin it for everyone. You get people taking sides, and secret meetings and basically there's no trust anywhere.

    As you're into rugby, you'll understand the importance of the team bond and trust you have. The longer you play together, the less you need to communicate verbally etc. There's this bond within a good team that's comparable to family, in my opinion.

    And this is the part that's impossible for me to answer, and it has to be your judgement call.

    I'd suggest tackling the problem of attraction first (ho ho ho - see what I did there?). If that's a positive result, then you can discussing the rugby team and the impact your relationship might have to it together with her directly and try to come to a mutual decision (oh god..make it stop).

    From the sounds of it, rugby has really added something to your life. Purpose, belonging. Don't underestimate how wonderful that is, and consider what it would be like to potentially lose it or have it soured.

    But that's hopefully for the both of you to decide.

    Be forewarned, though. I've seen people promise each other not to let their feelings get in the way if there's a problem, and then fail miserably at upholding that promise.

    Forgive me if I've not painted a magic picture full of hope and faerie. I'm just imparting knowledge from what I've experienced of similar situations.

    To that end, this is all merely my opinion. :slight_smile:
     
  3. redsoxgrl34

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    Thank you so much for responding. I have to say, I slightly enjoyed the rugby puns.haha. More has come up since then, it has basically changed everything but either way I appreciate your well thought out response.
     
  4. Silver Sparrow

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    What has come up since then? Knowing more could help.