Should I leave this relationship?

I can't say I've had any experience like this before. But honestly, I think that violence isn't ok, regardless of culture. I think it's abuse if he's hurting you. I don't want to tell you to end your relationship though, that's for you to decide. As for the Gaga obsession (eww), I guess everyone has their flaws... I'm more worried about the violence.

 

Run. It's not about the culture, it's about his ignorance and abusive behavior. He doesn't respect you.
I am sorry.

 

So I counted 5 times that you allowed yourself to excuse his violent and abusive behavior. There is absolutely no excuse for him acting violent towards you. If he honestly and truly cared about you, he would never even think of hurting you. Violence towards another person is not acceptable in ANY culture.

Right now you aren't following your own advice. You are putting up with his violent behavior because you are truly living in fear of leaving. You deserve someone who won't abuse your love or try to change you. Please don't feel that you have to stay with him just because you made so much effort. You were brave enough to make the leap and go with him, find that courage again and reclaim your life.

 

Eugh... a sickening product of the modern media religion.

Please, run. Protect yourself. You do NOT have to suffer physical, verbal or psychological abuse at the hands of anyone.

I have many Italian friends - from all regions of Italy. Each part is like a different country. The guy I know from Sicily (one of the most conservative and traditional parts of Italy) is a true gentleman to his partner.
Regardless culture cannot ever be used as an excuse for domestic abuse.

Please, prioritise your own safety. Get out of there.

One thing you may want to consider is...how 'out' are you?
From my research into domestic violence in homosexual couples, a lot of people will use this for leverage against the partner they're abusing. They'll say, 'You'll stay with me, or I'll tell everyone.'

There are websites out there with people who can help you. Empower yourself with knowledge and protect yourself.

Forgive me vehement attitude but...domestic abuse makes my blood boil.

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Also, as a musician, Lady Gaga is utter shite. Total and utter joke. I know no other musician who takes her seriously. Just another modern god created for social control. His reported devotion towards her can only be described as 'pious'. Sick and twisted.

Also you're British! We have Pink Floyd, The Beatles, Judas Priest, Black Sabbath, Cream, Jamiroquai, The Smiths, Prodigy...so many great acts in so many different genres.

Please, come home.

 

I was in an abusive relationship (words, no fists). And I fought so that I could stay...so that it wouldn't end. Sick, huh?

You said it well.

 

A surprising amount of people who are the victims of domestic abuse will often blame themselves for what's going on, or even justify the actions of the aggressor.

@ Nick07

So happy you got out of that situation.

 

not my doing... I didn't find the strength.

 

He's hurt you many times (emotionally and physically) so I wouldn't be too concerned about how he is feeling. You deserve better.

Just for clarification, you are stuck in Italy, not with him. You may not be able to leave the country, but that doesn't mean you have to spend the next year miserable with him. You can do it on your own, you've already proven that by moving out of the country.

Italy is a beautiful place and I'm sure you could spend the next year experiencing wonderful things. Make the best of a bad situation. Be the brave person you know you can be.(*hug*)

 

It won't get better. He already knows that you tolerate it, and he enjoys the power he has over you. It will only get worse, because he will want more.
He tells you what to wear, he wants you to get pierced, soon he will tell you who to befriend or break up with or start to threaten you that he will leave if you don't obey.
He knows how to tie you to himself.

You are already there - you want to leave someone who does harm to you, and you are afraid to do it because HE will be sad. Soon you will be telling yourself that you can't leave because he needs you.

 

+1 for everything everyone else has said here

 

You were brave to go to Italy .. That's a great thing and you get full marks.
This guys aggression is unacceptable - but have you laid down the law about that?

A (girl) friend of mine moved to Italy and it was normal for the man to choose her meal in a restaurant without even asking her what she wanted.. Such are the minor nuances of cultural differences .. However this may explain the strong comments on piercings etc but does not excuse violence.

An option is to stay in Italy for your placement . But split with him.

Only you can decide though. Do you think you have validated his violence by your attacks on him?

 

I bet he is. What you described is, I believe, a domestic abuse. The person you're with is not only aggressive but a very good manipulator as well. He knows pretty well when to retreat and show the "good boy" face and shower you with love and affection.
Yes, you should leave this relationship! The sooner, the better. I know it's not easy but I hope you find the strength to leave.(*hug*)

 

OK, grab a pen and paper and start writing. Explain to ME why 'I' have to leave that person. Be honest and write every reason you can come up with. *hug*

 

You are not. That is unfortunately very typical. *hug*
Not everything was bad and you have gained new experiences and learned a lot about yourself and about what you want in a relationship.
You are more mature and stronger than you was. All you have to do is to leave so that you could use this hard gained knowledge in new relationship to make someone and YOU happy.

 

Hey, 90s...

So my advice would be pretty much the same as everyone else's in here. Culture is no excuse... if my cultural backround were any indication of how I should, in theory, be as a guy, my boyfriend would have long ago run for the hills.

I totally know what you're going through... When I was about 22, I did essentially what you did: I left the US (and gave up a lot in the process) to be with a guy I met while vacationing in Spain. Long story short, we maintained a long-distance relationship when I came back home the first time around which is why I decided to go back and be with him. Things were ok for a week... then it went downhill from there. I was never physically abused, but verbally and emotionally for sure... and constantly. Being that it was my first gay relationship, I felt that maybe this was normal and that I was somehow too sensitive. Also, he was much more successful than I was at the time and made me feel as if he were the best I would ever get... this lasted for way longer than I care to admit to and eventually, emotionally, I couldn't take it any longer... it was hard, took a lot of time for to heal, many therapy sessions and a lot of self-discovery... but 6 years later, I couldn't be happier.

This wasn't the proudest or best period of my life, but it definitely taught me what a good relationship isn't and that no one should ever settle... if you feel something's not right, it probably isn't. Relationships are not easy... but by no means should they be exhausting (or one-sided), either. If you were my close friend, I'd tell you count your losses and cut ties with your boyfriend. Hell, stay in Italy or anywhere else you want, but this is not a relationship you want to spend any more time in...

On another note: The "boyfriend" I had in Spain also had a weird, almost obscene, obsession with Will and Grace and especially the Karen character and with pop music... so much so that it meddled in our relationship and I wasn constantly being ignored or even pushed aside for those two things.

I sincerely hope everything works out for you... I really do. If you ever want to talk or ask me anything, you know where to find me : )

Best of luck! (*hug*)