I think the problem is myself after all, I want this guy but I'm too scared to ask him over my place, I know he fancies me and the only way were going to enjoy each other is by inviting him over. We keep on falling out with each other but when we make up I want to ask him over my place but I am too nervous to. I've asked him before and he asked me "Why would I want to do that?", he fancies me but doesn't want to come over my place, I think he is nervous too. He has a wife but he prefers to be away from her, he told he me came into work just to get away from her. He doesn't sound like he wants to be married and I think he feels unloved by her hence the reason why he is looking for someone else. Sometimes I just want to give up with him because I think I won't have the guts to ask him but I need to man up because if I keep on being like this I will never be with anyone. Things aren't working out after 2 years of knowing him, we've been flirting non stop, it is so obvious he likes me. He closes his door in his office and starts licking his lips as if he wants me to suck him off right their, the only thing I could do back was lick my lips too, I wasn't going to pull my trousers down and start humping him at work, lol. We want to have it off with each other but the only way is if he comes over my place. I want to ask him if he wants sex but it seems so risky that he might sack me or I could get in trouble, which I doubt he will. If I ask him for sex at my place can I still get in a lot of trouble from that? :icon_bigg I just want to take the risk and not look back, it'd be sad if I left without him ending up being with me.
To keep things simple and drama-free, I'd recommend not going after anyone who's married, regardless of whether they seem to be satisfied or not with their marriage.
Married plus coworker equals trouble. Comon, bearlover, do you need some tough love? I am not sure what fancies means, but here in California it means grounds for divorce if you guys hook up. Dude, just cause temptation is staring ya in the face every day, doesn't mean there aren't single available gay guys in your area worth persuing! I don't think it's a matter of courage to ask him to come over, it's a matter of courage to quit that lip smackin and move on!
Yes but marriage doesn't do anything anyway. It may break him up with his wife but that doesn't matter. Why? Because marriage doesn't mean anything, it is just a label, a tax break and doesn't always mean they love each other. If he loves someone else as well as me then fine, I'd leave him alone but if he's living a life pretending to love someone, then he needs to divorce. He gets married because everyone else is married, it is for religious reasons but anyone that is capable of reasoning wouldn't believe in religion. Why is it going to cause me any trouble? Yeah his son might come after me but I can defend myself. His wife isn't exactly going to do anything anyway. He is the perfect guy, why would I just let him go because things might get tough sometimes...
If you're so convinced of it, and everyone is wrong but you, and you know everything about reality...why on Earth did you come and ask for advice in the first place? You've been given sage and extremely polite advice. I suggest you take it.
I know I'm perhaps not the best person to answer this. But I did fall for this guy I thought was the "perfect guy" and it turned out after I thought he might like me that he had a girlfriend. And came to the conclusion that he wasn't the perfect guy and I only felt like that. Firstly you keep falling out with him. That doesn't sound perfect but more importantly he's married and that certainly means he not perfect. Don't worry I'm sure you will meet a single gay guy and you will think "yea that married guy was nothing compared to this guy". ---------- Post added 30th Oct 2013 at 04:33 PM ---------- I think extremmely is a strong word. Leave the guy alone, this is a support site not a judging site.
While I think there's benefit in trying to see things as they really are, I will have no argument with you Gibson. And you have a point. Apologies, BearLover.
Hmm...you sound like you're completely head over heels for him. Reminds me of myself towards this guy xD. I understand your situation yet you need to look at the bigger picture. As someone above mentioned, a lot of drama may occur. So perhaps looking for someone who isn't married, doesn't have children and seems like he is hidden in the closet with a wife. You should speak to him about it. Think about everything that could happen. Imagine the son and the wife finding out etc etc...lots of drama vs a perfect guy. Think carefully before you do anything.
I'm sorry if I come across as harsh - it's not intended. I just view what you have said in a totally different way. Marriage doesn't mean anything? To many it can mean the world. It is not taken lightly- even by gay men married to women (or vice versa) You suggest he is living a lie - do you know that for a fact? Are you 100% sure. I know many people who are married and committed to their partners - both openly gay and still in the closet. Anyone capable of reasoning wouldn't believe in religion? The statement means the majority of the world is incapable of reasoning. You have to respect that religion is important for people, even if it isn't for you. I understand the need to justify lust or desire or love, but to cause destruction along the way and forcing someone's hand for your own personal gratification, it won't leave you happy in the long run, only in the short term. Good luck with whatever your decision may be. It's not an easy one and I don't envy you for it. Wishing you all the best.
Like I said, it doesn't really matter to me whether he is married or not. The shit may hit the fan if his wife finds out but I doubt she'd find out anyway, the only way is if he told her and that would probably lead to him getting a divorce, which is a good thing. His son might attack me but I can defend myself, I don't even think his son loves him anyway, his son never bothered with him on fathers day. Telling an atheist to not end someones marriage is like telling an atheist not to sin. An atheist doesn't care because he doesn't see the point in religion or marriage. I seriously don't think marriage does anything, it is a tax break, a label, a contract of commitment (which you don't need anyway), a ring. But in reality it doesn't do anything special, yes people feel great when they get married but later in life realise how pointless it is when they are around each other necks, always see old couples that don't even look as if they like each other. If she really wanted him then she'd keep him entertained, they are obviously pretending that they love each other and that's what you are supposed to do in a marriage, when you don't love each other anymore you have to pretend that you love each other just to avoid the fees of getting a divorce, but you won't be happy that way. If he cheats on her, it is not really my fault, he flirted with me and I am just accepting him. I didn't flirt with him at first knowing he was married, if he doesn't have a relationship with me then he is going to sleep with someone else other than his wife and me, I might as well take him. He is going to end his marriage either way, he doesn't want to be with her and will end up cheating on her whether it's me or some other random young lad. It's his fault for doing what he is doing, he is looking elsewhere while having a wife, in the end I bet they will split up because he obviously doesn't want to be with her. ---------- Post added 31st Oct 2013 at 03:05 AM ---------- I don't have any respect for religion and I will not listen to anyone telling me elsewhere, if it wasn't for religion gay people wouldn't be hated so much. It has little reasoning and it's only what people want to hear, when people tell me not to sin, I do the opposite, I love sinning, why? Because I am free and I don't care what the bible has to say, It's also funny to piss the Christians off that think they control my life.
Two wrongs don't make a right. Fighting ignorance with ignorance generally isn't acknowledged as a good idea. Be prepared to face atheists who also disagree with homosexuality. Yes, they exist. I have met them. Evidence of homophobia has been traced back to several thousand years before the advent of Christianity. People hating people for being people. What's new? This a sickness which is part of our nature as human beings. We *all* need to purge it. Slamming this group or scapegoating that group is akin to thinking there's a magic pill to solve all your problems. The thought of religion causing all evil is no different to thinking gay people cause all evil. It's naive and absurd, a representation of the media today. I promise you, reality is far more complex and brutal. ------- With regards to your actual situation, I think you should try and seek counselling on a professional basis. I personally agree with every single poster's advice to you here, but if you can't take it from us (which is fine, no one will be offended ), then reach out for professional help, as this is clearly causing you a lot of anguish. I just doubt you will find people to fight your corner and validate your hatred. EC is a place of support and understanding. A place to heal, not hurt.
I could explain to you why religion is evil but I'm not even going to go their. It'll take too long, you don't understand why I am so anti-religion. People think that religion is harmless but it isn't, it's very harmful. I don't have any respect for religion because I can see what it's true intention is. Actually I'd like to free the world of religion and have the churches, mosques, synagogues knocked down. It's not just that it has a bad attitude to gay people, their are other reasons.
Regardless of whether you are capable of respecting other people, you really have to respect this: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-chat/105526-discussions-religion-atheism-ec-policy.html So, maybe you should focus on your relationship problems in this thread instead?
Hmm well I just don't feel that much the "he's all over me" part with what you have told us. If you already decided to take the risk, maybe take the flirting to the next level and start doing really dirty talk and see if he follows. I understand your view with marriage and religion, but on a sidenote, it takes two to tango. If you're gonna put the blame on someone if your relationship develops, you're both at fault. I tried to evade that part when it happened to me (he had a gf), but seriously, who has more fault than who doesn't matter. Best of wishes
