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Gaydar/figuring out someone's sexuality

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Jencat, Oct 29, 2013.

  1. Jencat

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    I'm only out to my dad/family, best friends, and most of the friends I sit with at lunch/talk to on a regular basis.

    There's a girl in one of my classes who I've had just a couple *tiny* (as in walking-out-the-door tiny) conversations with, but I was slapped in the face by crushy feelings for her. This hasn't happened for anyone I know at school, at least since I came out to myself.

    I don't even know if she's gay. If she is, she's a type-a lipstick lesbian and I'm very femme. We make eye-contact that feels different than regular eye contact, but I'm not sure if that's a gay thing, or if that's a "wow I really want her to be gay" thing. She looks at me when she walks in the classroom and when we walk past each other in the hallway later in the day (which might be just how exhausted I must always look). I asked one of my friends if she knew whether or not she was gay, but I got an "I don't know, I don't think so?" back (tragic).

    is there a way I can figure out if she's gay? She's very quiet and social anxiety makes it hard for me to talk to people. I'm not even sure how sexuality could come up without a) embarrassing myself, b) coming out publicly too soon, c) any sort of not-what-i-want type of result.
     
  2. STM29

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    Hey Jencat,

    some of my thoughts to this:
    when I want to figure out if someone is gay, I think the eye-contact is an important thing and I would say that I can estimate it really good. I don't know why and I can't explain, but I think I have a good feeling for that.
    If you have an instense eye-contact to someone, it is a good sign. But of course it is more than that...
    You really should take the courage to start a conversation with her and try to get to know her better (at first it can be of course in a friendship way). It may be really difficult to say if someone is gay or not when you don't know the person.
    When you know her better, it is easier for you, to get an impresssion about her sexuality.
    You should just start to talk to her and see in which direction it will go....
    A better advice I have not at the moment...sorry.

    Good luck :slight_smile:
     
  3. Lezbianez

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    I know this is difficult when you like someone but cant figure out if they are gay. My advice is look at the way she responds to attractive girls , and if she make eye contact with you, there is something gay about a piercing look that she will give you to let you know she's interested. Also,the conversation^^is a good point.Make conversation and ask indirect questions about her love life but dont be too forward.
     
  4. oh my god I

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    Well, either way you will never get any closer to her if you don't talk to her!! :slight_smile:

    Social anxiety DOES make everything difficult, but, even if she is gay, you still have to get to know her to have a chance together.

    (*hug*) good luck!!
     
  5. resu

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    I spend a lot of time thinking about such things, especially with guys who give me more attention than regular straight guys. From what I've determined, eye contact and other nonverbal stuff can only go so far in helping you determine if a person is gay. The next step is to find out more about them (i.e. facebook or other online "evidence" of their opinions/interests).

    But, ultimately, you will learn a lot more in a few minutes of talking with them than you would just having "intense" eye contact. So, I always suggest trying to talk with them at first and get to know them as more than just an acquaintance.