I've become quite frustrated recently at how often my family asks me for money. I'm by no means wealthy, or even financially comfortable. I'm in my final year of University and even though I have very little debt, I have lots of expenses. I get a number of grants and scholarships, that I had to work hard for, which mean I am getting a pretty significant amount of money, but by the time I pay my rent, bills, credit card and student loan I'm not left with a huge amount. This month alone, my family (my mother and sister) have asked me for over €1,100 ($1,500+) which I have given to them. The reason that it's starting to annoy me so much is that I keep getting phone calls at least every other day asking for €20, or €50 or a few hundred. What is most annoying about it though is that my family don't have much debt at all and have a pretty high income, certainly more than many others that I know. However, there are never groceries in the house, I often have to do the shopping when I go home some weekends. Bills are seldom paid on time, even though I know the money is there, and I end up having to pay them. Any time we go places, she'll go in to a shop and pick up loads of stuff that I know she can't pay for and she usually ends up asking me to put them on my card. My sister gave up her job recently and moved back home, she asked me for a loan of a few hundred and told me that she had something lined up and that she was good for the money. It turned out whatever she had lined up fell through and now there's no chance that she'll be able to pay me back any time soon. They're both constantly living beyond their means and it's ridiculous. I now find myself in a position where I don't get my next instalment of money for a few more weeks but right now my account is practically empty and my card is almost maxed out. Yet, I learned recently that she's booked a week long trip to Germany for her and her boyfriend. She has made no attempt to pay me back, even though I made it clear that it wasn't a gift (this happens every year, I've given her thousands at this point and only ever get a fraction back) I feel like it's really damaging my relationship with her, I really don't trust her at all any more and I'm finding it difficult to even like her. I want to be able to help out, but it seems that she's not really willing to help herself (she has no addictions or anything, she just wastes money on tons of unnecessary crap). I want to be able to say no when she asks, but on the one occasion that I did she made me feel extremely guilty and she can be incredibly juvenile at times and do things like ignore my calls for a week or behave some other stupid, childish way. It's gotten to the point where I've been avoiding going home these last few weeks and I get this sick feeling in my stomach when her name pops up on my phone because I know what's coming. I could really use some advice on how to deal with this, it's driving me crazy.
Open the door of your house. Look down. What do you see? That's right. A door mat. You're not being a drama queen or selfish. Your grants and scholarships have one sole purpose: to aid you and give you the same chances as others to secure your education. This is so incredibly cool I cannot tell you. Mate, I worked my arse off and got a scholarship to one of the best universities in Tokyo. I know what you've gone through. You have to put your foot down with regards to this issue. You seem like a giving and kind guy, once you've graduated and hopefully gotten yourself a decent job, then you'll be happy to give within your means. But living like a king when you have no earnings is puerile and embarrassing. The trip to Germany in particular is just in bad taste. Putting your foot down will make thing unpleasant in the short term. I won't lie. But, mate, potentially sacrificing your own hard-earned effort and future? I'd never ever dream of doing this to my own brothers. I'm not rich - can't afford a car or much. My parents recently came into some money from an investment. I asked them to give my share to my brother, so he can put his daughter into a good school. Am I a saint? Pull the other one :lol:. This is just how normal families should behave. Don't let emotional blackmail and twisted words grab a hold of your heart. Stand firm - you have the right of it. They'll tell you you're horrible and don't care for the family. You know that's not true. And study hard for university, mate. It will open doors for you which will likely benefit your family too. <--- because, you know, a smiley makes up for all the harsh things I've said. Hahaha.
Thank you! You're right, that's pretty much what I've been telling myself but still thought on some level that I had some sort of responsibility for them and their welfare. And I do, to an extent, but so do they and they don't seem that interested in taking responsibility. I probably do need to take a harsher stance with them as you said, and I guess in some ways the fact that it's gotten so out of control is largely my own fault for not cutting their supply of money off earlier. I guess I'm going to have to learn to say "no".
