How to explain...

Hey there!

You are unique and so are your issues. You did well to create a thread for yourself. You deserve help on an individual basis.

I can only offer you one perspective, that of a straight person, but I hope it can help you to perhaps see his perspective.

First of all, I think you're in a good position. You still love each other, clearly, and you both value your relationship. This is great.

You are both confused at the moment. You because you're still going through this damned thing, and him because his feelings toward you challenges how he's been raised. That's no easy thing.

In many ways, it's good that he's not met any other gay people. You know why? Because not all gay people are nice. Please don't take offense. Everyone is human and you get nasty, petty people from all aspects of life - including the LGBT community.

So, the fact that the only gay person he knows is someone he loves more than himself is a good thing.

Try to tell him to ignore reports about gay issues on the media. As a straight person, let me tell you, they do not portray you in a good light. It's a battle of two extremes. Right-wing hate rhetoric, and the over saturation from idiots turning real issues into a political agenda/religion. A lot of people wonder why a group which represents 10-15% of the population dominates the news when people are being killed, bombed illegally and starving. Avoid the media. All that matters is his relationship with you.

Fatherhood:
Being a father is something that neither of us can comprehend. I admit this. However, I remember my brother when he and his wife has their first child. We were outside having a crafty ciggy in the car. My brother was panicked. He didn't know what to do. Then he went in during the actual labour. When he came out, he was a different person. He was calm, serene and had a purpose in his life like I've never seen before.

Maybe other dads on this forum can chime in to talk about how important this link can be is.

All I know is that, he probably loves you more than we can currently know.

Distance/Communication:
This is a tricky one...but I have an idea. Your father comes from a small town, and could be considered old fashioned.
I think you can use this to your advantage.

Write him a letter. A physical letter.

I've gotten nice emails, yes, but when you receive a letter than someone has taken the time and effort to write themselves...it's made me cry before. There's something about the physical act of it which makes it so much more meaningful that packets of bloody data.

If you think this relationship is worth pursuing, then it's worth the effort right? Trust me, the letter doesn't have to be done with beautiful cursive handwriting or written without a spelling mistake or crossing out. It's an extremely refined and civilized method of communication to which email and modern email etiquette cannot compare.

So figure out your confusion and his confusion together. I really think what he feels about gays is irrelevant. If you two have a meaningful relationship, you have more than any label can possibly give you.

I'm sorry if I said something which could be offensive. I am just being honest. Please try to understand how illogical it would be to try and help a gay person if I hated gay people.

I hope I could help, or at least give you some good ideas

 

I'm in a very similar situation. I'm bi, and my parents have no concept of what that means. I tried explaining it every way I could, but it only helped a little. We talk a lot and they still love me, but we haven't really talked about my sexuality or coming out.

Here's my take on it: I have their love but not their understanding. Time and dialogue will take care of the understanding part, but as long as the love part is there, things will be ok in the end.

Hope this helps