Hi guys I need major help cause I feel so desperate and dumb right now I know this thread is kinda long but please bear with me It all started last year when this cute guy whose a swimmer transferred to my school cause he's a new athlete, back then I wasn't actually out yet and wasn't even aware of my gender Identity I just thought I was gay. But yeah again with this guy, I didn't actually payed attention to him, i just thought "yeah his cute and all but I'm not that interested in him" plus this guy has lots of "girl fans" even one teacher in my school has a crush on him. So yeah I basically ignored him for one whole year that year (2012) it was easy cause we weren't even in the same class sooooo... that was a very good thing :3 but this school were classmates now..... and I still didn't payed attention to him, i didn't care that much that we were classmates I just went on and continue my studying. but then on july I had this dream were I was sitting on a bench and then he kissed me gently on the lips, I then woke up feeling swooned and blushing.... It just felt so weird and I thought that maybe this feeling would just go away ... but it didn't.. in fact my feelings even grew more and it isn't just a crush... i fell in love with him.Its also because of him why I figured out that Im trans. I helped him out alot with school work (he's kinda lazy) I helped him with his projects, wrote down notes for him to study and bought him a padlock for his locker -.- his really nice and funny... the downside is... him being boastful, inmature, and beaing a snob. I text him a lot and he does't actually reply that much, he only text if he needs help. He doesn't know that Im trans yet only my family and my 12 close friends know that I'm trans.... but i am planning on telling him on december... before christmas break... I'm gonna tell him through a thin notebook... everything... I just want to tell him how I feel and how I'm hurt by everything he does... after that I'm planning on moving on... I love him alot but I'm not sure if he'd love me too, -two cute scenes of him and me He was part of this pageant in my school called Mr. and Ms. United nations 2013, I was so supportive and I was waving the flag of his country which was "south korea" cause he has those small cute eyes that I love. this is what he looks like ---> anyways I was the only one waving the flag and he looks at me and laugh.. eventually he was 4rth runner up. the next day I was sitting next to him with a friend of mine who knows that Im trans. I was in the middle... and then he said that he saw me in the audience in the pageant and thank me cause I was supportive.. then he said " I am the man of your life" then I blushed and told my friend that i can't take it anymore, then he started laughing then my friend started laughing, I think my whisper was too loud cause he was looking at me when I whispered that. my friend told me that he's face was kind of shock and then he laughed, i WASN'T AWARE THAT HE WAS LOOKING... He always looks at me and when my friend asked him why he's looking at me he doesnt say anything he just laughs... I think he knows.... but I also think that he thinks I'm gay and I don't like that Idea cause I'm trans. any advice? its just so complicated I have lots of stories but I don't know if I should post all of them cause like I said ALOT!
