I came out to my mum just days ago. She keeps saying that she's afraid that it might just be a phase, because when she did her 'research' she saw that people found it 'normal' to come out around age 16-18. I'm 13, but I've explained (nicely) that I've had the chance to think about it for years and I'm absolutely sure that it's not a phase. How old were you when you came out? Am I doing something wrong?
Hey, I can't answer your first question about when I came out. As for the second one, I don't see how you are doing anything wrong? Some people have a better understanding of their sexuality at an earlier age then others, everyone is very different with this. I've seen some people on this forum (and others) who say they've known since they were 10 and are in their late teens/early twenties, and some even older. Then on the other hand there are others like me who only start too question it later in life (at 26). Also one last thing, your mother *may* still be in a little denial over it or worried about what the repercussions might be, but she seems to genuinely care. I hope that her comments are not making you question yourself, in time it will be clearer for both of you. Your still young, you have plenty of time to gain a better understanding of yourself and she will slowly see it's not a phase.
Hi :icon_bigg To answer your first question, I haven't fully come out to everyone yet and I'm 23, but I don't think there's a right or wrong age, it all depends on the individual. So don't worry hun, you're not doing anything wrong! My mother, (although I haven't come out to her yet) when she found out my cousin was gay, tried the "it could be just a phase" thing and I put her straight (excuse the pun:lol fairly quickly. She is now really supportive of my cousin and adores his boyfriend. I think it could be your Mam just being a little bit in denial, like JassonSC said. You're her baby so it can be a bit of a shock but the shock will wear off. Coming out to your parent was a gigantic step so congratulations for being so brave!:eusa_clap Your mam will come around, you're going to do lots of growing up over the next few years and I think she will too. In time she'll realise that you meant it when you said it wasn't a phase and hopefully be as supportive as you need
At age 17, yesterday in fact ^^ Congratulations on coming out! When people say that it can either mean two things: 1: They are in denial, which is unfortunate, but they will learn to accept it over time. 2: They actually believe it's a phase, if this is the case, you don't have to prove anything, just live your life and in a few years they will realise it's not just a phase. You're doing just fine, don't worry Aaron.
Well, I came out to siblings and close friends, well, age fourteen actually, but I must applaud you for your bravery (Coming out doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon for me ). It's funny that you mention research because when I told my brother, his immediate response was asking me if it wasn't a phase and he proceeded to show me cases when people came out at 16-17 years old, just like you. My sister didn't question it, but then again, she is a lesbian so she understood. I actually think my brother's in denial, but ah well, only time will tell if my situation improves Well, I wouldn't go as far as to say you've done something wrong, but I can understand your mother's concern. She could be in denial, she could be afraid of what could happen to you or, if she's anything like my mum, she perhaps can't grasp the possibility of her child getting to grips with sexuality and whatnot. I'd say, give her some time and she'll get over it (also, follow everyone else's advice, it's bound to help you ).
I came out at 17 too First as BI then as Trans I'm still BI but more attracted to guys but there is a 0.1 chance that I could fall in love with a girl
I didn't come out to my parents until this year (I'm 26), but I knew I was bi as a teenager and can see signs dating back to preadolescence. When you know, you know.
Hey, Chem. You're definitely not doing anything wrong. If you know, you know. I guess that doesn't help too much. Really, what might be going on is that your mum may not want to "believe" and she's doing her "research" about it. She may be trying to reason with herself that it's just a phase, to deny it. I'm not sure about Ireland, but in the States, (some) people try to say that you're confused or experimenting... whatever. This is because of shock or denial, usually. While that might not be the case with your mum, the universal truth is that you are doing nothing wrong. In fact, you're doing better than I am But the ball's in your mum's court, now. Just chill out for now - you're pretty young, and that may be why she's in "denial". But don't feel like you need to prove anything. When you get older and you remain the same, she'll come around.
I came out as bisexual when I was 13. My mom found out and told me it was just a phase. I told her I'd think more about it and re-evaluate how I was feeling. And so I did. When I was 14-turning-15, I realized I was a lesbian. A couple of months later, I came out as a lesbian and told my mom. She was super accepting of me. She hinted that I still had a while to think about my sexuality, which I did agree with her. I kept questioning a lot because I didn't feel 100% right up-to-par with being a lesbian. At 17 (which is how old I am now), I realized I was genderqueer. I wasn't trans (I had been questioning that since I was 15), but I didn't fit in with each gender. So now I'm a genderqueer lesbian. I told my mom I didn't feel right categorizing myself into male or female and she completely understood. I don't think it's necessarily 'normal' to come out at 16-18. It depends on how comfortable you are with coming out. I came out early because I thought I knew myself, but I really didn't! Some people don't come out until they're in their twenties, thirties, or even later on in their life. It's statistically stated that older-teens come out because of overcoming puberty and when you're 11-13, that's when puberty starts. If you know who you are, then that's great. Don't let your mom tell you it's "just a phase". It's only a phase if you think it is. But, what matters most is that you are YOU. Your sexuality doesn't determine who you are. My mom sees me as me, not as labels.
I first came out to my parents a couple of months ago and I'm 14. Unfortunately my parents took it as 'just a phase' and (without talking to me about it) continued to assume I'm straight... and make it obvious that they do so. There are some articles on the web about how the average age to 'come out' is getting lower, so it may be worth showing your mother one of these. Stonewall says that 15 is now average... but that shouldn't matter, if we were trying to be average all the time we'd be denying who we are. I would try to talk to your mum about this, but take your time and do your own research so that you can back yourself up if need be (maybe you could look into it together). Overall it's up to you to decide how you identify your sexuality, not your mother, or anyone else.
