Hey, so I really need some advice on a current situation. SO there is this girl I met last year in college, and the moment we met she was drawn to me. The four girls there started talking about sex and stuff and I said how I had been with girls and guys ( I am a lipstick lesbian). This was last year, ok anyways ever since that point we’ve been hanging out A LOT. A few wknds after the night we met, she kept saying how Im so beautiful , but she would never DO stuff like that ( meaning gay). Well next thing I know later in the night she came onto me and we were making out all night, I cant even count how many times. Well, eveer since then we have been hanging out, making out, cuddling and sleeping together, etc. Things have been great, because we are Really good friends, but we also have this whole other thing going on which makes it awesome. I am not in love with her bc I am in love with another girl who went to the military ( shes in the closet/denial so that’s a whole nother story)…. But I do enjoy what we have. She has made moves on me whether it be in front of guys, or just us. I am usually NEVER the one to make the 1st move due to the fact that she wont admit that she is not straight. Also, we are just friends too so I wouldn’t want for something to happen and fuck up the friendship. However, she gets openly jealous whenever I am dancing on a guy, or guys hit on me or whatever. I don’t get why she would get jealous if we are just friends? As well, she sometimes goes over the top trying to talka bout guys in front of people or she will even try to hangout with guys in front of me and she says how theyre hot. So she has no right to be jealous about the things I do, right? She grabs my ass a lot too and she also sometimes seems to be resisting her urge to do more with me. However, recently she has been acting very weird, about 3 weeks ago she was acting distant and not being herself and didn’t text me at all so I knew something was up. well, the weekend came around so I asked what was up for the night and it was clear she was trying to avoid me. Well we ended up meeting up , but she was acting so weird, after a while, everyone wanted to go to a bar, she came in line with us then literally was like “ I I just have to go idk I just cant” and literally like ran away and left. Wtf?...then the next week she was acting weird still and she started telling me how shes been feeling really guilty and ashamed of things shes done, she would give me an answer when I asked what. She said she feels she’s lost the lord and idk all this other stuff…. Lol. Well then low and behold that night after this convo, she comes over to my place and we have a few beers and she starts getting real jealous when this other guy was clearly interested in me and she told him “ SHes mine!” then she kept trying to ket me to drink more and stuff then she came onto me and we srted making out and her hands were runnin all over my body like I have never seen before! And I was leaning my head back and she kept looking into my eyes then would kiss me ( it was so hot) lol. Uhhh but yea. Then last wknd we got drunk with a few other people and a gay guy we r friends with and she out of nowhere goes to me “ LGBT woooohoo!” and I was like, wtf? Lol, then she goes “ LGBT !! right?” and I just didn’t respond. Wtf? Lol. So anyways, last night I was at her place and she stopped me in her room and goes “ can I ask u a question I want u to be honest” I go “ uhhh ok? Lol” she goes “ do u have feelings for me?” then I go “ we are friends…. I like what we do but no” ( obviously im not gonna tell her I have small feelings for her since she has no clue what her sexuality is and I don’t wanna look like an idiot..). Well then she goes “ really, you don’t??” and I was like “ no” she was like “ ohhh ok, well ok that’s good cuz I just wanted to make sure you didn’t fall for me or anything because we have been hanging out a lot” I said “ lol we hang out cuz we are friends…” she goes “ Yeah well I know sometimes when you are friends with a person and there is clearly something else going on, over time you can fall for the person and it can scare you” and I go “ uhhhh no?” lol. She kept saying how she is so straight. But then she goes “ we still can makeout right?” LOL WTF……. And I told her no I don’t have feelings for u bc I am in love with another girl , then she goes “ well feelings can change” … So this turned into a whole heated yelling thing and anyways now she is avoiding me!!! In the past when I have brought up this other girl, she has gotten so mad and said she wanted to beat her up!......anyways I tried texting her last night to ask her a question about something, and she didn’t respond, so I texted her again bc we were supposed to have plans, well 4 hours later she responds saying “ sorry ive been really busy but no im not gonna go out anymore” LOL she has never waited that long to reply and I saw she had been on facebook, and she has never been this cold to me. Which I don’t understand, if I gave her the answer she truly wanted ( which was that I like her just as a friend), why would she be avoiding me???!?!?! She is the one who comes onto me every time. It is clear that she is having some issues with herself, no doubt. My friends think she is in denial and scared because she is actually falling for a girl. Any ideas what you guys think is going on??? Thanks.
Try to see it from her perspective, she has the guilt of thinking she could be attracted to girls (it sounds like shes religious from what you said about the Lord) and may not be able to accept that, some people do find it hard to come to terms with especially those who follow a religion. Then there's this thing with you - surely you can work out it's pretty likely she feels attracted to you. She's probably hurt and feels as though her feelings are being messed with. If you're not into her, and not after a serious relationship then I really would explain that to the girl (with a bit of tact), and not allow all the touchy feely stuff. Might be a bit of fun to you but it sounds like she's taking it badly, and with the guilt from her sexuality as well she could be hurting a lot. If you want, tell her you'll be there for her if she needs someone to speak to but you don't think its fair on any of you to continue what you've been doing, because it could ruin a friendship. Whatever you do, please just remember she's a person with feelings that probably needs help.
Its pretty obvious she is in the closet.She is just afraid of God because of what her religion has taught her, and she doesnt know what to do.I honestly believe that she does like you a lot and she cares,because of how jealous she is,straight girls dont act like that,not even under the influence of alcohol.She has feelings for you but because you told her you like someone else, she is hurt by thats why she has cut u off. So my advice is stop being intimate with her because it can ruin the friendship.and if she was 'straight' then why the hell would she wanna do stuff like that? .i hope you guys figure it out.best of luck
thank you for the responses! i agree. See the only thing here is that, she did tell me she is confused ( and she is freaking out) but then she just goes back to saying how she is so straight. if she would have opened up to me and told me that she is seriously having sexuality issues and has feelings for me, i would have opened up to her and told her i do have some small feelings for her as well. Going into this whole thing, i didnt allow myself to be head over heeels for her since i know she is trying to tell herself that she is straight, so therefore that is not fair to me. As well, i want to make sure we maintain the friendship. I mean, how can she expect to me admit my small feelings for her, if she wont admit it to me?
Maybe just send her a message saying you're sorry if you sounded a little harsh but you were trying to help her... because she said she's confused and you realise it's upsetting her so you wanted it to stop before it got any worse or she did something she regrets with you or another girl. Could also mention that the whole thing was confusing you too, so you'd just like all the complicated stuff to stop for now at least and you'll be there for her to talk to if she needs too because you understand how she feels?
