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intense confusion and slight frustration

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by stumble along, Nov 3, 2013.

  1. stumble along

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    Hi,
    So ive been talking to this guy for about 6 months (he's attracted to guys thats all I know about that) and im so confused and slightly frustrated with him.
    he is such a bad texter that its fairly difficult to strike up a convo with him.
    Ive tried maybe switching to another medium so we could maybe get a little better line of communication but so far that hasnt worked.
    we were supposed to meet up today but he never gave a time and I got swamped with school and house work.
    and on top of that he almost never ever texts first.
    like I totally get that were both busy (I usually only text on the weekends) and weve never met each other face to face and we are usually 2 hours away from each other but come on

    6 months of this?!?
    I dont even know what were doing anymore or what the goal of this is .

    youd think if he wasnt interested he would just say so or worse, just not respond. But he hasnt done that so what gives.

    I dont even know if theres a question in here I just wanted to vent a little.

    I texted him just now to tell me whens a good chunk of time to hopefully sort this out, I dont know what ill say, maybe gently call him out on the texting or ask what the hell is the point of this or what he wants or set up a definite meet up next weekend (hopefully saturday) with a date and time and then sort it out then.

    what the fuuuuckkkk ugh, I like him but literally this makes me want to launch my phone into the 4th dimension
     
  2. resu

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    It sounds like this guy is using you as kind of a "pen pal" that he doesn't actually want to get to know better. I think you should really just forget him and find someone else. Make sure to meet them early on (i.e. not 6 months). You both will learn a lot more from just a few minutes of face-to-face talking than you will from any text message.
     
  3. stumble along

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    I don't feel this is as much of a pen pal situation. I know many people that ive never met in real life, I barely keep in contact due to the distance but the plus side of pen pals is you can pick up right where you left off. Usually you dont drop off before having some sort of deeper conversation to establish it however.

    That hasn't really happened yet, and I haven't really gotten that vibe from him.

    Though it could be possible, thanks
     
  4. stumble along

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    I think im just going to call him out on the bad texting/ one sided ness and leave it for him to decide because im pretty much done with having to put all the effort into this. I have a friend that does the same thing and thank god im not drooling over him anymore because when I was this was torture (and he says hes straight so)
    and here comes a guy that I can actually get with and he does the same thing I just why
    of course, do it calmly... since flipping out on him would be
    1. Super clingy psychotic
    2. #1
     
  5. resu

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    I don't really think calling him out will be productive, but maybe he will change. However, you should focus on yourself and try to move on.
     
  6. stumble along

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    I mean, the only way hes going to potentially change is if someone points out that there is something that might need changing in the first place.
    I basically just sent a text saying (not in exact words)

    im slightly unnerved by this situation, heres some reasons I know of, im really confused so if you dont reply to this im just gonna take a break for a while no biggy.

    and by break I mean like at least 2 weeks no texting, I might write down his number somewhere and delete it off my phone just to be sure.
     
  7. dapulu

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    Been there...except I couldn't keep with 3 months of that. Except that when I met this guy we kissed and touched each other, we agreed to see each other in a few days and BS... Told him that I felt I misunderstood our interests and that I apologized if I seemed clingy. He said to chill accompanied with a "hahaha"...2 weeks later.

    I made a post about it and many said to let it go and move on.
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/famil...90-am-i-too-persistent-he-not-interested.html
    And I agree. 6 months and without any direct contact is just too much.

    Good luck! :slight_smile:
     
  8. stumble along

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    Well since I accidentally sent the message already I just deleted him off my phone (screenshot his number just in case)
    ill probably wait a few weeks before trying again just so I can cool down but im hoping he'll do something.

    Havent seen a picture of him in a while but from what I remember damn he cute.
     
  9. dahlia

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    Hi..I have had a texting mostly "relationship" with someone. Whenever I'd ask if we could hang together there was always some excuse. If I would try to push it a little further, she would blow up at me and give me the silent treatment for months on end. She would tell me when she'd go out socially with others, then would send loving and what seemed like sincere texts to me. She said most of the people she hung out with were superficial relationships and I was "deep." Well, I finally got the guts to tell her that I didn't feel like she wanted to be with me and questioned how healthy is was for me to keep texting with someone who obviously didn't care to spend face to face time with me. Instead of telling me how sorry she was for giving me that impression, she simply said, "you have to do what you have to do and I have to do what I have to do." And that basically was the end of "us." Do I miss her? Absolutely. But it was getting harder and harder to accept her loving words to me when her actions towards me didn't match. She was in my life for a reason; I'm not really sure why but more than anything, I learned that if I have to do most of the work in a relationship and it's one sided, then the other person is just selfish and self-centered. There are many people in this world. Raise your standards of others behaviors you'll accept. You're worth it.
     
  10. resu

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    You're fooling yourself if you say "no biggie". You wouldn't have made a thread if this wasn't important to you. Don't play the "I'm not talking to you" game with him; he likely won't bite.
     
  11. stumble along

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    It is no biggy because ive been hurt by enough people to literally not give two shits about some person ive never met before
    yeah hes cool yeah I like him yeah we get along mostly but I don't need this bull right now.
    im not giving up, im taking a break, Im not playing the "im not going to talk to you game" either I will gladly talk to him the only thing is that he is going to have to message first, and hopefully after that he'll do it every now and then.
    literally all im asking for is a little more effort on his part. Though to be honest if he doesnt shape up alittle after 2 months or so from this break im probably just going to drop it altogether (considering by then this would have been going on for at least 8 and half months)
     
  12. stumble along

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    Well good news everyone we kind of came into a middle ground, he's sorry for the bad texting and he said he'll try to get better at it, and I said I was sorry for being dumb and sending the last text I told you all about.

    After that we talked on the phone a little bit (like maybe 20 minutes?) and realized we got a ton in common and we texted a little too. Easy to say it basically made my night since at this point I was just about ready to completely drop him and then this happens. We even added each other on Facebook which was cool
    (He's got probably the sluttiest costume I've seen as his profile picture which is both hilarious and well..yknow)

    We really want to hang out but we realized we got busy schedules (he has to do work stuff even on the weekends) and he's got a fairly large friend group already, most being his age or older which is also a little concerning for me because while I typically get along great if not better with older or younger people I'm a little nervous he might want to introduce me to all of them at the same exact time, and of course what if they don't approve or something.

    I'm thinking ahead, but I like this guy a lot and he likes me too, I have to go home this weekend again and then after that in 2 weeks Im off from the 27th to the next Monday so we're probably definitely going to do something then.

    We both kinda wish we were a bit closer I'm sorry I'm dragging this along but the only thing I could fault on him is he's a light video gamer haha.
     
  13. stumble along

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    Well yesterday was weird we ended up talking for over 4 hours and realized we got a butt ton of stuff in common just tons, and the conversation started because he made a "shit happens" post and asked about it. Turns out he got in a wreck and the convo went from there and other places.

    Two things kinda stand out that are a bit weird:
    1.
    Funny thing that he mentioned he doesn't talk to his friends about family but then immediately afterward we go on for like an hour about family??

    2. We briefly touched on relationships and he and I kinda just said that we both know we'll be forever alone with a lot of animals
    Maybe we could be alone together haha

    But it was a refreshing conversation since it's been awhile since I've had a deep conversation with someone.

    My friends say he likes me I'm a little skeptical still, what do you guys think?