1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How do guys act when they're not interested?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by dapulu, Nov 4, 2013.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. dapulu

    dapulu
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    México
    Do guys just back off and stay a bit far from you when they're not interested? Is it that common?

    So, I've been having a month of flirting with different guys and after a lot of rejection I'm feeling a pattern ...maybe it's because of my personality that they all act that way, or maybe it's just kind of normal??? I'm not a 6 pack but I'm a bit fit and I have been told I'm cute some times, so I don't really believe I'm just plain disgusting.

    Some of my experiences: One month and a half ago, spend the night with a guy I knew, he didn't start anything, I was the only one starting interaction so I stopped. 3 weeks ago I started sexting with this friend, we met randomly one day and some touching and kissing happened. I kept contacting him because we were supposed to "finish" what we started when we met but he just didn't answer...like, at all, I even invited him to have dinner as friends or to go to the movies or something but he just said 2 weeks later that I needed to chill and that it will take a while to meet (no answer about the dinner or movies even as I clarified it was just as friends). And I know he read the stuff I sent in Fb chat and in texts. (It weren't that many, really). I believe he's closeted, but I'm not flaming around my sexuality and I don't really talk with people about my sexual and romantic relationships, and he knows that.

    Then last weekend I went to a party, got kind of drunk and then I met this guy, chatted a little bit, then he asked me to follow him and suddenly he started pissing and told me to piss with him...but then he stopped and said "too late, you missed your chance", then I chatted with him and repeatedly grabbed his ass throughout the night. He always just said "Damn" or rant in my native language and walked off. I was drunk so I didn't quite get the rejection, but he just didn't say anything like "I'm not into that" or "I'm straight" and sometimes I swear he just stayed there letting me touch his ass for a few seconds and then when someone seemed to be close he'd leave (another confused case?) Is it that hard to say "stop" or something along those lines if he didn't want it? or was it the alcohol? Finally, on Saturday I was flirting in a Halloween party with this guy in a lycra costume that was super hot, I complimented his body and he just laughed and walked away, I thought this was a rejection and then like at 4 am at that party some guy asked about my sexuality and I told him, and then I just touched his leg and winked at him, he smiled weirdly and just moved his legs away while smiling. I stopped there because I was just tired of the backing off in the whole month.

    I had another 3-4 cases of plain "walking away" even while smiling, laughing, winking back, the look that seems that they'll sh*t bricks, the surprised look, and others...and that's taking a toll on me emotionally and physically. I'm even starting a whole intense workout to see if when I'm more fit and sexy maybe I will get less BS. I communicate and lot and try to be emphatic, sometimes I even ask "oh, you're not into that" but I just get a "oh...well...(insert blank face here)" or is it that I'm getting too much closeted or straight experiences and I should just frequent more gay-friendly places?? I'm really getting tired and sad :tantrum:

    With girls the rejection it's waaaay more blunt in my experience, but as I'm kind of new in flirting with guys, I'm not really sure...Is it just that I come off way too strong and they just get scared? Is it uncommon for someone to just say "I'm not interested" or "I'm straight"?? :dry:

    I want to hear your experiences and your thoughts on it guys!!

    Thanks a lot (&&&)
     
    #1 dapulu, Nov 4, 2013
  2. Saint Otaku

    Saint Otaku
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2013
    Messages:
    369
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kentucky, USA
    Dunno, since it's probably different for everyone.

    When I don't like someone who is obviously flirting with me, I usually become almost stone-like serious. There's this really irritating gay kid at my school, which would be fine if he wasn't so absolutely ignorant, so whenever we got paired-up last year I would become all business-like and no-nonsense towards the work at hand despite him constantly and intensely staring at me.

    When I do like someone, I become either very shy or softly friendly, and I try to be both close to them and respectfully give them space, so I'm constantly at odds with myself and I feel like I'm giving off-putting signals. Oh well... ^.^

    Also my reactions with guys don't seem so "out" as yours, so they probably aren't very relevant to you, but hope this gives you some insight.
     
    #2 Saint Otaku, Nov 4, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2013
  3. dapulu

    dapulu
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    México
    Of course your reactions are relevant to me!!! It's always nice to know a bit more experiences :slight_smile: Thanks a lot! By the way, you just don't randomly leave when someone's flirting with you, do you?
     
    #3 dapulu, Nov 4, 2013
  4. Saturn7

    Saturn7
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2013
    Messages:
    220
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    In orbit
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    This is basically answers the question perfectly. There's no rules that cover everyone with 100% accuracy. St. Otaku nailed it.

    What I would like to add is, perhaps you need a different approach.
    Instead of getting drunk, seeing someone attractive and then grabbing their arse, why not try to meet someone and actually get to know them?

    Even if a sexy girl randomly grabbed my arse, while I might flirt back a bit, it wouldn't lead to anything...I mean, you don't know where she's been or how many other arses she's groped that night. Grim.

    If someone flirted with me, I'd give subtle hints that I wasn't interested. If a gay guy flirted with me I would tell him politely that I'm straight. If they get aggressive after that then I'll match their aggression and defend myself/remove them from my situation.

    You might think I'm insane or weird. But then, that just highlights St.Otaku's point perfectly :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Saturn7, Nov 5, 2013
  5. dapulu

    dapulu
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    México
    I understand perfectly that rules don't cover everyone, however I'm interested in understanding if this is how at least quite a few guys act and I'm not getting paranoid.

    Also, maybe it's because I said a bit more detailed the drunk part, but that really was just a night. The first 2 guys I mentioned, and all of the ones I didn't, are people I know for at least 4-5 months. Didn't want to explain more on those since I posted about it some time ago and I just don't want to remember it much since it hurts a bit because I know them well and I still see them. And those cases too, they just don't take the initiative and I feel like they don't give a sh*t and just back off eventually.

    The second guy contacts me every now and then, but he's so damn busy and I'd love to meet but he keeps saying "chill out/go soft handsome/not yet", that it just doesn't work out for me. I'm more on the meeting and chatting and having physical communication. But even on texts he just doesn't answer...

    And I think you're perfectly sane Saturn7 :slight_smile: By the way, what are your "subtle hints" when you're not interested? I'd love to hear that :grin:
    Thanks a lot for the reply!
     
    #5 dapulu, Nov 5, 2013
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)