I’d like to get an honest opinion, suggestion and advise regarding my current relationship. I just came from a very bad broken relationship with my exGF (BiSexual) last May 2013. She broke it up, though I really want to mend things (though I’ve been lied to and cheated onto by her thru her exGF and by several BFs for so many times. We live together for almost 3 years and we’ve been in a relationship for almost 4 years. When I left the relationship it was hard for me to move on, but I’ve moved on and became very independent. Now, dated July 2013, I met up with a friend who used to live with us in another room in our apartment. Here’s the situation though, why this friend (a she - Straight) also left our flat. Her partner, which has become a friend as well (a tomboy) left her also only maybe a week after my EX left me, without any valid reason at all. However after sometimes, there were rumors that my EX-GF and her EX-GF are having some sort of an affair, from which I cannot truly believe, but was confirmed later on. So, as a good friend and since we are both feeling the same way, we became good buddies since we can relate exactly on how awful our life has become since discovering the news (which from that time, I still did not believe). Now, earlier of August 2013, we developed a mutual relationship and we become more than friends. At first I was really doubtful if she is really into it, but because I have seen and feel it that somehow she truly cares for me, I fall and fall in love with her deeply each and every day. And she’s the one who continually pursues me, because I have asked her personally if she is ready to have a new relationship, and to have it with me, she was very sincere that time. However, after two months of living together I have hit rock bottom (nearly lost my job, got almost homeless and penniless) and at first she was there and then there are times she’s drifting away. By the 2nd week of October 2013 she confesses that she is starting to have feelings with an EXPAT office mate (Hindu boy) who used to court her before and is now again courting her. Anyway, we are both ASIAN and Catholic at the same time (I don’t have anything against any religion, just citing that I knew what would be her problems with her lover boy). It hurts like hell that time, and I can’t seem to believe that I almost overdosed myself with some OTC medicines and vodka. However, I realized I just need to breathe some fresh air and think over what have I done with my life. At first, I really tried to move out yet she asked me to come back. She keeps on telling me how confused she becomes and how she wanted to have space in the meantime, yet she still wants to see me. Then recently, I told her that I will be moving out for good already since she still can’t decide until now, but she keeps on asking me what she will do if she wanted to see me and to wait for her until she made up her mind. And yes, we still say “I Love You’s” with each other, cuddle, we still kiss, we still hug each other and still have good sex. Now, it’s getting me confused as well, because I really don’t know where to stand. And it’s tearing me apart knowing that everyday I’m starting to lose her, and sometimes my jealousy is eating me alive because I can’t help thinking what’s happening when she is in the office and when she’s going out for an office gathering. Yet at the end of the day, my feelings of love over her haven’t changed at all and are far heavier than the hate I should be feeling after all. I know that I’ve been kidding myself with this relationship and that I just keep hurting and torturing myself if I still continue to see her, but God knows I’ve really fallen for her, and it’s getting harder and harder for me to leave her. I even told her that I love her more than I love my EX even though ours is just for a couple of months, which I really pleaded true. And she knows it and believed it. And now, I don’t even know if we are together or not. Now, here’s the question… Does she really love me? Or is she just lonely and wanted to have my good company? Where did I gone wrong? Did we move so fast to put a label in our relationship? I’m getting crazy and it’s almost a month now that I can’t have a good sleep and I’m really starting to lose weight so fast because it’s draining my brain.
Hi, deejay!! Foremost, I think you need a hug (*hug*) I think you may have moved a bit too fast; however, now that you're here, my advice for you would be to stop seeing this girl. I know that you're madly in love with her, but her confession about her feelings for someone else would have been a deal breaker for me. I mean, I know that we cannot help who may develop feelings for later on, but that doesn't make it alright. But I am glad that she told you the truth about her feelings for this other person. Has she started seeing him romantically? Or is the relationship strictly platonic? This relationship isn't healthy for you at all, and I would recommend that you and her stop sleeping together. If she's asked for space then give her some space, even if she asks you to come back, you have to put your foot down and tell her no. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you and only you. Not someone who needs time to think about things, although I know what it's like to be extremely confused. I don't want you to be sitting around and waiting for her to make a decision about a future that may not include you in it. Plus, that's just no way to live; wishfully thinking about a future that may not even exist. I'm not a psychic, so I cannot predict the future, but I do believe that you deserve better. If you want to give her a few weeks to make a decision then go for it. If not, then it's best to move on now, that way you and her can still manage to remain friends afterwards.
>>> Gee! Thanks, badly needed one... really grateful for the reply!!! :icon_wink >>> That's what I was thinking too, that it happened so fast. Anyway, I completely moved out today, and I'm really planning not to see her for the next couple of weeks. It was really painful for me for I have loved her with all that I am, and it's tearing me apart because I have given my all. Too bad for me. I'm planning to FOCUS on MYSELF and only for MYSELF, I certainly hope to make it alone, since working in Gulf Region is a stressful thing, you don't get to meet sincere and good people around here. As for her, I do not have any idea if they are seeing each other romantically, but it's a co-worker, so I don't really know. What I know is that they often get in touch with each other thru chats and other social network, and it's gonna be more painful if I have to see and read thru it, so I pretend not to care anymore. >>> Yeah, I know. It's just wishful thinking for me to hope we will be able to work things out now, most esp. with all the TRUST issues running inside my head... I just hope that I can get back on my own feet the soonest time possible... I wanna get back right on track... >>> I know I deserve better. And that I needed to be treated fair, but after all the only mistake I've made is that I LOVE a person... Sigh!!! The thing is, I'm not very sure if I can be FRIENDS with her, I told her that before... That if ever we decided to BREAK things off between US, I have my ways to move on and certainly she's not gonna be a part of my life anymore... Thanks again!!!
I definitely think you need to end it. I am slightly in the same situation as the person you are seeing - I have had over that last two days feelings for another woman but I've realised it is because I am scared of the relationship I am in at the moment. But since she keeps messing you around and telling you she can't decide and doesn't know who she wants, that would definitely be a deal breaker for me too. And if I were to tell that to my partner also, even though I wouldn't want to lose her, I would want her to end it for her own sake! You need to think for Number 1 and in the long run... if you carry on like this the small feelings of happiness will not counteract the feelings of jealousy, betrayal, and - what will become in the future - hate! For yourself and for her. Be strong and love yourself, and don't feel like you need to be with her to be happy. It will be difficult to overcome the feelings you have for her but you are a hell of a lot stronger than you think you are! Trust me And trust yourself... Eve xxx
THANKS!!! (*hug*) >>> I told her last time that I'm letting her go... Yet, here's the thing... She don't want to... Well I really don't know what she wants. :tears: >>> What a BIG MESS indeed!!! And now, I really don't know what we mean to each other... The fact that she still says "I Love You" is killing me inside. I did not dare ask what happened to the third party involved. I don't know if I have to end this or if I have to give it a chance... icon_sad: with a deep sigh...) >>> Now that I completely moved out of our apartment, I found myself more and more comfortable living without her presence. Well in fact, I really know deep inside me that it's gonna be easier for me to just move on this time. But the thing is, she keeps on sending messages and I can't keep changing my phone number twice/thrice a year or each time I have to deal with such issues. And I have to admit, there is still a part of me that misses her so much. Well I don't know if I will be giving her a chance or what, but she keeps insisting things, and now that she's a bit sick, she wanted to see me. Well maybe today, I'll try to see her... Wish me LUCK! :icon_wink
I can relate. I honestly feel that she's making you an option incase things would not work out with them..Just like me, my ex and I still do the same things like we used to. It's just that, she brokeup with me to take out the commitment thing. She sees another guy as well and tells me to stay. You need to give her space so that she can realize your worth. Like what I'm doing right now, I'm giving her less attention and I don't see her often. Please help yourself. We deserve better. *hugs*
>>> Yep, that's what I'm thinking. It's true and it really sucks, and HURTS like HELL, big time. >>> Same situation as mine. Exactly as it is! We both needed a hug, (*hug*) >>> The very reason why I moved out is to give her the space. But now she don't stop communicating with me, telling me all sort of "I Miss You's" and "I Love You's". We don't see each other often now though. Yet, two days ago I saw her and we ended sleeping together. And now, we will see each other for whatever reason I don't know. I don't know if we are taking things slow or if we are trying to patch and work things out... Yet whatever happens... Wish me LUCK!!!
