That does sound like a bit of a stupid question, now that I've read it. But y'know, if I'm being dumb, I'll accept that answer too. I just want to make a little sense of this. I have a friend I spend a decent amount of time with. To make a long story short, she's openly bi and has had some longish relationships with girls which didn't work out. She's much more into girls than guys, really. I want to stay friends with her, so I'm trying really hard not to mess things up by saying or doing something stupid. At the same time, I'm still in a relationship with a guy, and I do sorta care for him, and I'm trying to make things work out. So far, though, I've had really mixed results. It's kinda complicated to explain, but basically, a lot of our spark is gone, and that's probably in no small part due to me constantly thinking about girls and not him. It's almost like we're really good friends, maybe even friends who love each other in a platonic way, but not lovers. And a lot of my thinking about girls is focused on a friend of mine, and I don't really know why. It seems almost stupid and irrational. Like we're not even BFF's or anything. I generally see her once a week for girl's night (which has been just the two of us a bit more lately, since our other bi friend got a boyfriend), and we usually end up getting dinner and just talking for hours afterwards. So I guess we're friendly and share really personal things with each other? But we're not really that close. This isn't real, right? It's just me using her as a focal point for my repressed feelings? But it kinda started with her. I had this bottled up pretty well until the first time I found myself alone with her. That was kinda what brought me here, in fact. I look at her, and I think about a lot of stuff which is never going to happen, and it just drives me even more crazy. I don't know exactly how she feels, but I'm 99% sure she doesn't feel the same way. But I really don't want her out of my life, either. So I need to figure out some way to deal with this. Help?
It’s great that you’re willing to be honest about this period of your life and explore and seek out advice! Not every relationship is supposed to be till-death-do-us-part kinda thing, we meet different people at different time periods which help us learn something new about ourselves, or experience a new aspect of life. And most definitely, relationships in our lives are the way they are (unique and different with different people), there’s no cookie-cutter perfect model of how things are supposed to be Try not to suppress your emotions because they’ll just become more intense. If you can, acknowledge this somehow (you're doing this already, obviously ), whether by talking to people, creating art, writing, and go easy on yourself. I know there’s more to your question than this, though I hope this helps a bit!
Do you know that feeling when you see someone, you haven't even met them yet, nor heard them speak but you know that you don't like that person? I think the same goes with the people we like. I don't know why it is but some people just click and some don't. I have a friend I meet only every two months for four days but every time we meet we spend almost 24/7 together (except the nights), and it feels natural, like we've known each other for ages. Maybe we do... from our previous lives? :icon_wink
To me friendship is but one manifestation of love, and real/genuine love as a whole knows not the boundaries of time and space. I've been going through a hell of a bad time recently, and one day out of the blue I got a really warm and kind mail from someone I've neglected to speak to in 5 years. I kid you not, it made me shed a few tears. It was amazing to feel genuine care and friendship after being in a hostile environment for so long. I do not know, and I do not care to know why so many people base their relationships on the superficial so heavily. I'm not saying you have, but I'm guessing you don't have these same deep and intimate conversations with your boyfriend. I dunno about you, but even if I was going out with the most 'beautiful' woman in the world (at least according to the media's scripture on what beauty should be) , if I couldn't talk to her and share everything with her, then it wouldn't work for me at all. Don't get me wrong, I'm not marginalising your feelings at all, or saying what you feel is just friendship. What I am saying is thatit makes sense to want to spend time with people who will listen to us over people who we struggle to communicate with. You should heavily consider whether this is the case with you, as you're the only one who can answer this. I'd advise you to also be aware of the potential 'rebound'. When you're in a bad situation, you can sometimes get to the stage where anything seems more appealing than your current lot in life. This is true of many things, but especially relationships. I also think that if you do decide to pursue this in a romantic sense, you should first end things with your current boyfriend. Not only is this the honourable thing to do, but some time spent alone may give you better insight into you and what you really want. It is very difficult to see life objectively when you are suffering. All too often I've seen people 'jump ship' because the other ship seems nicer only to end in a sticky mess for all parties. And not the good type of sticky mess either! Take it easy, and remember to treat yourself kindly and with respect too. ^_^
Your quote reminded me of this song, lol: [YOUTUBE]Billy Joel- Tell her about it - YouTube[/YOUTUBE] But yes, I heavily agree with you there
