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Which One?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Mylo360, Nov 6, 2013.

  1. Mylo360

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    Hi everybody, its been a while since I was last on here and a lot of you asked me for updates on how things are going. So I can happily say that I am now out to 4 wonderful friends, all of whom took the news as surprising, but unchanging to our relationships. That alone has been so great, and I want to thank everybody on the sight. You all helped me to reach this point :grin:

    Now the question that I need answering is this: I want to tell a family member. Not my parents of course, but one of my two sisters. The question is, which one should I tell?

    One of them is 24 and married, currently goes to medical school, and has always acted kinda like a second mother to me more than anything. I have an enormous amount of respect for her, but I am scared to tell her due to the fact that the family she married into is Extremely religious and that could cause problems.

    My other sister is 20 years old, and is dating one of my good friends. This friend is not one of the four who now know that I am gay. She is definitely the more girlish acting of the two, and is really into fashion, hair, that kind of stuff, and as kids we would always play together.

    Which one should I tell? My older sister will be home for the upcoming holidays providing a window of opportunity as she no longer lives in the same state as the rest of our family.
     
  2. ryanalexander61

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    I would just tell both, at the same time, if possible. Why would you be against doing it this way? If you tell one, the likelihood is higher that they will go and tell someone else because they want someone to talk to about it. If you tell both (which you plan on doing at some point, anyway) then you are giving them someone to talk to about it (eachother).

    The supposed "characteristics" of your sisters (i.e., the mother type with a religious family vs. girly girl) shouldn't really play a deep role into your analysis. Seems to me that both of your sisters would be more than supportive. And if your sexuality causes problems in your sisters/brother in law's relationship, I hate to say it, then their marriage aint that strong and the guy is an idiot. You are going to come out at some point, and it is not likely this extremely religious family would suddenly be more open/accepting in a year from now.

    How do you think each sister would react to you being gay? Aside from personality traits and ease of time and location, does either one make you more comfortable? Who do you think would be more supportive?
     
  3. Mylo360

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    Well to be honest, I would really like to tell them both. At the same time would be wonderful, but the second sister is currently in a relationship with one of my really good friends. Well really good is a bad term to use, because I have learned through a few shielded discussions that he is indeed extremely homophobic. I know it might be stupid, and that my sister has should have my back after all we are family, but I really would just feel awful if I screwed up her relationship. Same for my older sister, I don't want to make her marriage difficult in any way. I know its corny and stupid, but I just really don't want my life interfering with theirs.

    Honestly I feel that both sisters will have the same reaction when I tell them....maybe your right, I should just tell them both.
     
  4. ryanalexander61

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    I know you don't want to ruin your sisters relationship (the unmarried one), but if you come out to her:

    1. she doesn't have to tell her boyfriend right away
    2. if she does, and he reacts negatively then he is a jerk and bad person. If he won't support a friend/brother of his girlfriend on something that doesn't effect him in anyway, you would probably be doing your sister and yourself a favor by removing him from your life :slight_smile:

    In telling either sister, say you tell both, there is no need for them to tell their significant other. It seems you are set on telling both sisters at some point (the right choice) so my advice is to just get it over with. They would have each other to talk with about it, and politely ask they keep it to just that for now. It wouldn't be right to hang on to the hope that your one sister will find a non-homophobic boyfriend and that your sister's husband and his family will become more accepting.

    Honestly, your sisters should know (i hope) that if their brother being gay would be something their relationship would be ruined by, they are in a bad relationship. I know the people might be "great guys" but any person who would be bothered by that are, in my opinion, crappy people.
     
  5. Silver Sparrow

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    Go with your gut!