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wishy washy parents are hurting me me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by nightsky11, Nov 7, 2013.

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  1. nightsky11

    nightsky11
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    So. I just moved home from graduating college.

    I was denied a apartment because I dont really want to live at home.
    Dad got all fired up and demanded that I go with him first thing this morning to see why.
    The apartment said because my credit report had lots of aliases.

    I tried to explain I had many past names because I am gay and not figured out who I am yet.
    Asked why I had so many aliases
    they say no again
    we get in the car and
    Dad rips me in the car ride home. "anytime you say you are gay, the door goes SLAM SLAM SLAM SLAM (in loud tone)."like its my fault I am gay and nobody wants to give me an apartment.

    :tantrum:

    I am confused. Am I supposed to give up on who I am to please them? Or what? I am hurting and in need of advice. thank you
     
    #1 nightsky11, Nov 7, 2013
  2. bingostring

    bingostring
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    I don't really understand the technicalities of aliases etc ... But what I do know is your dad is sounding a bit of an intolerant ****

    He should be behind you and supportive. Maybe he is just not dealing with it yet and he needs more time to take it all in

    So, no, you must be authentic YOU! And they must follow. That's the only way
     
    #2 bingostring, Nov 7, 2013
  3. nightsky11

    nightsky11
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    thanks. i have "used" 4 names in the past 5 years or so. strictly for sexual identity, not for fraud. they have said they love me but they fear the world wont love me. sort of a reverse protectionism that drives me crazy.
     
    #3 nightsky11, Nov 7, 2013
  4. BiNick

    BiNick
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    No definiately not. Be yourself and your dad will come around.
     
    #4 BiNick, Nov 7, 2013
  5. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    I'm going to stop you there and defend your dad here, because if that's all he said, you guys are giving him a lot of hate for no reason.

    "anytime you say you are gay, the door goes SLAM SLAM SLAM SLAM"

    I can't be the only one reading this as your dad saying nothing that isn't true here. Some people are dicks. From my reading your dad hasn't said "don't be gay" or that there is something wrong with being gay or anything of the sort. He said that other people have a problem with it. Lots of other people DO have a problem with it. There are a load of reasons people have for not wanting to rent to people and all your dad seems to be saying here is that there are a shit-load of homophobes in charge of renting things...

    All he seems to be saying is that you don't NEED to say "oh yeah that's because I'm gay" when asked about the aliases, compared with 'yeah I changed my name a few times. I liked it better at the time'.

    Your dad might be completely wrong about WHY they wouldn't rent you the place but it doesn't seem like he's the bad guy here...
     
    #5 BookDragon, Nov 7, 2013
  6. PyroSpark

    PyroSpark
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    So why on Earth do you have multiple aliases?...
     
    #6 PyroSpark, Nov 7, 2013
  7. Chip

    Chip
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    Wait, what?

    Something doesn't add up here.

    First, why would you even have used "4 or 5" different aliases? I can see, if you're transitioning, adopting *one* name to match your gender identity.

    Second, information doesn't get to credit bureaus unless it's reported. And it doesn't get reported unless you share that information with an organization that reports credit data. That means things like credit cards, some apartments, some utility or cell phone providers, and the like... basically, people to whom you're applying for credit. Did you use 4 or 5 different names, combined with your birth date and social security number, to apply for various types of credit? If so, what on earth were you thinking?

    I honestly have to agree with your dad to the extent that it sounds like you've made some poor decisions in the past (if you've done the above). Honestly, what you're describing would be an *enormous* red flag for practically any credit grantor because it looks exactly like what people who do identity fraud do. So you need to work on getting that fixed.

    As to how you go about doing so... wow. If there's credit actually reported on a bunch of different names, with the same birthdate and social security number, you're kind of screwed. You *might* have success in claiming identity fraud and trying to get the names (and credit data) removed, but if there's any derogatory information (late payments, etc) associated with your aliases, that isn't going to happen. You might want to find an attorney who specializes in credit repair (specifically an attorney and not one of the bazillion "credit repair places") and see what can be done. The problem is, things like multiple aliases are not like derogatory credit lines and don't automatically fall off after 7 years so it's going to be there until you get it fixed... and the bureaus are going to be really skeptical, which is why the need for an attorney.

    Now... if there's something you haven't told us, such as actually using the aliases to get credit, run up the balances, and not pay... then, basically, you're fucked, because you are exhibiting the exact the sort of behaviors that credit reporting is designed to identify and stop. So there, your only hope is to work with an attorney to clear up everything, try and get as much of it removed as possible, and then just wait until the rest of it falls off.

    The good news is... not all landlords check credit. If you find, for example, a guest apartment in a house or a small fourplex owned by an individual, sometimes they don't even check credit, and if they are going to, you can be up front about what happened and why it's there. You'll definitely have better luck if you try a very small complex or an apartment in a home or something of that nature.
     
    #7 Chip, Nov 7, 2013
  8. juligen

    juligen
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    I will have to agree with Ellia here and to side with your father here. And to be honest I wouldnt rent my place for you either, sorry, but when you are thinking at doing business and close deals with someone you need to trust that person and she/he needs to seem thrust worth, if a guy shows up at my place and says, oh btw I changed my name 5 times in the past few years..... yeahh, no, I dont think I would rent my place for you.

    Also your father is right, you dont need to tell everyone YOU JUST MET that you are gay, just like your dad doesnt introduce himself, I am Mr nightsky11 and I am straight.

    Lets be real, a lot of people dont like gay people, a lot of people still has prejudice, so why are you making your life even harder? Your father not only said that he loves you, he is using his free time to try find his adult child an apartment, a very boring way to spent time, lets recognize that not all gay child gets this level of support.

    He is trying, but all he wants to do is find a place, close the deal and go home watch tv, yet you telling people that you changed your names several times because you cant figure out if you are a girl or a boy will freak out a lot of people. This information is for the friends and family that wont judge you, not the information you give to Mr. Santiago who is the building owner.

    Next time you say, yeah, just didnt like my name,you know kids how can be silly but I like this one now and I am good to go, can I see the kitchen now?
     
    #8 juligen, Nov 7, 2013
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