My friend I adore is Gay and doesn't want to be. When I confronted him he nearly hit the ceiling. And I don't know whether he denies it because he doesn't want to be Gay or because I got him a lie! I love my friend from my heart and it doesn't matter to me whether he is Gay or not. I just want to be his friend; nothing sexual. But he said that he will never forgive me and I'm thinking that he's saying he will never forgive himself. I remind him of what he can't be and I am so sad because he hates me. Can someone help me make reason to this situation?!
Hi Raus! It sounds like fear of disclosure, panic and denial. How old is he? It is good that you want the best for him - that's what good friends do. Don't give up!
OK, perhaps some clarity would help. When you say he's gay... are you saying that he has said that he's gay, or that you think he's gay and in denial. If it's the latter, it's not anyone's place to tell anyone else they're gay. I mean, I know several people who absolutely pin the gaydar of everyone around them, but swear they're straight. And yes, they're probably gay and in denial. But I'd never tell them that, because it isn't my place to do that. It's different if there's overwhelming, irrefutable evidence... one of my friends, years ago, was very obviously in a relationship with a guy, moved in with him, and gave a completely implausible story about how the "friend" was living in the basement, even though the "friend's" clothes were in the master bedroom, toiletries in the master bathroom, and the basement, where he supposedly lived, was empty, dusty, and the bed wasn't even set up. So in that case, I called my friend on the BS, and while it was a little uncomfortable for a day or two... it ended up being better. Even in that circumstance, it may have been "over the line" for me to do that. People need their time to come out to whom they want to, when they want to. So if you can clarify what the situation is, we can give you better answers.
