1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Should I Tell My Best Friends That I'm Gay?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by thetruezack, Nov 10, 2013.

  1. thetruezack

    thetruezack Guest

    I recently realised that I was gay and decided to share it with two of my friends at school. These two girls are in the year above me and are close friends of mine but not ones that I hang around with and, if I was asked who my best friends were, they probably wouldn't be ones that I'd list. I suppose I just feel guilty because, if any of my best friends were going through this, I'd want them to tell me about it and for them to feel as if they could. Also, when I do eventually come out, I know that school will be hard and I'll need my friends, but if they find out that I told these two girls before them I'm scared that they'll get the impression that I don't trust them as much or take it the wrong way and maybe even fall out with me all together? All that being said, I think if I did tell my friends, they'd make a big deal of it, constantly bring it up and act as if I'm not the same person anymore. I think that might be why I opted to tell two friends who I'm not as close to? Because they wouldn't make as big of a deal out of it? I'm really not sure and I'm not sure if my friends would understand that?

    If any of you have any advice I'd really appreciate it, thank you:slight_smile:
     
  2. Randomette

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2013
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    13 is hard.

    On the one hand, you want to build close friendships. On the other hand, you really do need to look out for yourself. You don't want them to react badly and say/do something bad to you.

    I'd try to scope out their feelings a little bit. If you have any other gay or lesbian classmates, ask your friends how they feel about that person's sexual orientation. If their reactions are positive or neutral, that's a good sign.

    Also, do your parents know? Will they react badly if they find out? That's something else to consider. Are they generally liberal about these things? Have they expressed any condemnation of homosexuality in the past?

    You really need to use your judgment, and I don't want to say anything which leads to you being in trouble, but I'd err on the side of being truthful here. Your generation is generally (exceptions do exist, of course) fairly accepting of lgbt people. So I don't think coming out is a huge danger for you. Also, getting some friends and allies might help you deal with this.
     
  3. thetruezack

    thetruezack Guest

    There aren't any openly gay kids in my year and I know that there are in the years above me but I don't know any of them? It kind of makes it hard for me to bring it up and see what they think without them catching on and I need to know what they think before they find out really.

    And no, my parents don't know. I don't think they'd react badly at all if they found out, and even though I haven't told them, I'm pretty sure that they already know on some level. Like, if I were to tell them I'd probably get a 'I always knew' or something like that. So, the news getting back to my parents isn't really something that worries me, in all honesty, it'd probably be easier than me telling them myself.

    I think you're right about me needing to use my judgment, there are probably some people who there wouldn't be any problems telling and that would accept me no matter what whereas there will also be those who won't be as accepting. I suppose I'll just have to consider each friend carefully before I do anything and hope for the best:slight_smile:

    Thank you for responding and for your help:slight_smile: