I will try to make this as short as possible… Had been best mates with my mate for years and we were extremely close, always staying over etc, thought nothing of it to be honest, just really good mates. Anyway years into our friendship we were away and happened to play chicken and things lead from there…we ended up fooling around with each other for years to come! Like every time we were together, which was lots. No one ever knew or knows to this day. We even ended up both saying the L word, and would have some deep chats we both agreed this was a temp thing though and we would move on one day (to girls)…he always threatened this more than me and years later i went away for a few months came back and that was it he was having no more (i managed to get one more final round from him haha). His thoughts were it wasn't normal and he wanted no more of it. Its been 2 years since then and we are somehow still best mates and still extremely close but alas it hasn't been the best relationship. The problem is its like he's trying so hard to cover up any potential sexual situation between us even when they are completely not. For example put my arm around him for a photo (pretty standard friend thing to do) he will over react and flick me off and say go away. I get changed around him he'll make a big deal out of not wanting to see that etc. He'll make a big deal about sharing a bed. There is so many more egs. Its like he's overcompensating. Makes me think he's trying to deny his sexuality and perhaps feelings? Thoughts on this, or am i reading into this way to much? Anyway he's started to see this girl (first serious thing for either of us since forever) and i can't say I'm taking it to well. Quite jealous. We no longer live in the same city, but talk everyday still and I don't know what to do? I want to be happy and support him as a best mate, but at the same time i can't. I want him or i really just want to know if there is anything more between us still, but i know he won't admit it if there was, cause to him its not normal! PS I'm comfortable with it all and have been with other guys, which he knows of. Complete Mindf**k :bang:
All I can say is that if your friend hooked up with you multiple times over multiple years, he is likely gay and deeply in denial. And now he is over compensating for it. It is clear at this time he no longer is interested in pursuing anything with you. I hate to say it, but maybe you need some time away from the everyday communication, because holding on to the hope that he will revert back to his older behavior is just going to continue to hurt you.
How disappointing. Unforunately, he is determined to have one kind of life, and it's going to harm you... I would create some distance - best for him to come to you, if he wants that, because any other way isn't going to change anything.
I agree with the previous replies. If you're feeling jealousy to his girlfriend, then you're not handling the situation well. Maybe he's actually bi, and so he thinks he can turn on/off his attraction for men at will (though, I'm not sure that's possible for bisexuals). Overall, you must do what's best for your wellbeing, which is not trying to please him by walking on eggshells.
He's definitely not straight - from what you've said that's a 100% certainty. And you're definitely correct in saying his actions are overcompensation in an attempt to appear straight. Whether it is just this, or he is trying to suppress and hide an attraction to you specifically, I don't know. Everyone else is correct: you need to think of yourself in this situation, not him. Don't just sit here on the edge and remain miserable. My advice is to either confront him about this and tell him its obvious that something is up and see if there actually is anything there between you; or back off and stop hanging on to him. Sitting in the limbo zone between the two as you are now isn't doing anyone any good.
He might be straight, but honestly it does not sound like that to me. It sounds like he would really prefer to be with a guy, but is afraid of taking that step forward. I wouldn't push him, but keep in mind that he's quite possibly not being truthful with himself.
cheers for the replies! its a shame cause i still want to be mates with him either way. In saying that, I have just seen him for first time in about 6 months and he's actually come out and said he doesn't want to be mates. So gutted.
Oh God! That's absolutely awful. Do you think it's something he might come around to? And did he give you a reason for not wanting to be friends?
I'm assuming by come out you mean when you guys saw each other he said he didn't want to be friends? Either way that sucks, I had a friend that refuses to talk to me and it's really confusing, did he give you a reason?
