In love with a confused straight woman-Help

I have never done this before but I really need some advice.

About me...37/lesbian
About her...30/confused

I met this completely beautiful and amazing woman online. I live in PA and she lives in Michigan. After meeting, we texted, talked and Skyped ALL the time. In March I drove out to meet her in person and spent a week out there. I met her three kids who are 19, 16 and 13. You know as mom's friend. We had an amazing time. The first night we took an hour car ride to take her 19 year old back to college. Our elbows touched in the car and needless to say...I was done. What I didn't know at the time but so was she. About three days into the trip we both came clean with that and things just took off from there...secretly of course because her kids know nothing of her confusion about her sexuality. (Earlier in the year, she had a boyfriend) I visited three times after that each time better than the last. She finally told her mom, and her two older kids. Everyone was completely fine with it. They told her they could tell how happy she is when she talks to me and spends time with me. In September, I flew her out to see me. We spent a week at the beaches, walked the boardwalk with her arm linked in mine..just so much fun. We had a deep conversation about how she has never felt what she feels when she is with me. That she has searched for this exact thing in every relationship but never ever found it.

When she got home she was really different. She expressed to me that she is completely confused and that she is just not ready to come out and live my lifestyle. How she lives in a extremely small town where everyone knows everyone and her kids are so active in sports and friends that she just cant do that to them right now. She said how she is locked into her life for the next five years until her kids are all graduated then she can move and live how she wants. In the meantime, she has kicked back up the relationship with her ex-boyfriend for "show" to give her kids something "normal" and to make as "normal" a life a possible for them. She is miserable ALL the time. So unhappy. I advised her to talk to someone so she went to counseling. She called me after and said that her counselor said something that stuck out to her and that was "Why are you waiting for happiness when it is knocking at your door, why would you not want you kids to see you happy now"..she said she didn't know what to say to that.

I'm so confused. I am completely head over heels in love with this woman. She has everything I ever wanted in a partner. She makes me strive to be a better person. And not to sound corny, but she completes everything in my life. I am so sad, hurt and heartbroken but I love her and just want her happy. I have backed off for obvious reasons...she has a boyfriend... however she is still wanting me to fulfill all the things she needs from me that he doesn't give which is everything. She will text me while she is in bed with him and say I just need to hear your voice to sleep...please call me and just talk so I can sleep. She told me she doesn't want me to find anyone else... However, she will not make the switch. What should I do? Back off..move on..wait...????? I know she is THE one...HELP!!!!!!!!

 

Thank you for that! I kind of felt like that is what everyone would say. I know it is not fair to me or my feelings at all. I think I am just so crazy in love with her that I have my blinders on. She gets soooo jealous if I go out with my friends who are mostly lesbians..she pouts and says I wish I was there and doing those things with you but then does not want to change things. She sent me a random text a week ago that said "I don't want you to find anyone else". I just looked at that text for a long time. She confuses the heck out of me AND herself. If she knows what she wants, why isn't she just going for it??? Thoughts!!