Hello EC, it's been a while! I've got another friendship problem. So me and this other guy, although we've usually been great friends who talk and hang out all the time, have been having some trouble. Recently whenever I want to be with him, he tells me he has to study for a nonexistent exam or that he has something better or something else to do. Outside of school he all of a sudden seems to notice me. So I, in what probably wasn't a good move in retrospect, decided to just avoid him altogether. He noticed, but didn't do anything about it. Then a dance rolled around and we both went to the same after party. We ended up in a room alone and we even talked, and made jokes together, so I assumed that my 'abstinence' was over. But when we went back to school the following week, we made no effort to talk to each other. Now because he's shy, I have to instigate all of our outside-of-school meetings, so I became more angry because I felt insulted, like I had to give all the effort. But now I feel like it's gone too far. We've had arguments before and have given each other breaks, but I don't want to lose a friend. However, I don't always want to be the one to apologize. Is there a way to get him to apologize, or am I in the wrong? As a postscript, I think it should be said that his grandmother recently died unexpectedly, but this was after the argument began. I don't want to guilt him.
if you're doing too much work then you need to stop. friendship is mutual... leave it alone and see if he comes back to you. you shouldn't be the one trying all the time... if you do it might come off as clingy too. hope this helps.
Though I don't know your exact situation, keep in mind also that some people have more social anxiety than others (I talk from experience, believe me) so his inability to instigate things might not be intentional/because he doesn't care. But yes, relationships are 50/50: all you can do is put in your 50, and hope the other person puts in theirs. Talking to him about this would also help...
You can always fix a relationship. However, I do think you should ask yourself what you want from the relationship: friends, bfs, acquaintances, etc. and think about what he may want before you approach him again. To me it sounds a lot like this though:
Friendship requires work on both sides. To clarify, you might directly ask if he wants to be friends still in a nonconfrontational way, and if he says no just leave it at that. However --- he could just be being shy, as someone has mentioned.
SomeNights, you pretty much summed up what I needed and the consensus of advice in a funny graphic. That's wonderful, thanks. Thanks everybody for the advice
