This might get a bit ramble-y, but bear with me. So I've always identified as straight, but recently (like last week) I realized that I'm head over heals for this woman I work with. I've come to terms with my own sexuality and I'm so happy that I'm finally able to admit to myself that I'm not exactly as "straight" as I thought. I even told my two best friends and they couldn't have been more chill about it. But here's the rub: I'm about 87% sure she's straight. (Bet ya never heard this, right? Yawn.) Here's where things get confusing: (I should probably mention there's a bit of an age gap: she's 55 and I'm 24.) We're fairly good friends, we work together quite a bit and go out to dinner together occasionally. We have talked about dating men and having boyfriends and she was married before, so there's some definite reason for me to believe that she's straight. I didn't come to realize that I had a massive crush on her until I began to think she was flirting with me and over the last week or so this flirting(?) has dramatically increased. (Am I looking into things more because of my feelings?) I don't know if it's because she's just a touchy-feely person or not, but she constantly touches me if she's close enough. It started with just her arm grazing mine, but now when we're talking or joking around (and there's a lot of joking) she'll put her hand on my arm or shoulder. Also, it seems that when we're talking we both have a tendency to edge towards each other until we are only just very nearly touching (which is more maddening than anything). Also she says weird things to me that she won't explain like, "oh, my character is changing". So, then, week before last we were joking around and I threw something at her and accidentally hit her in the face. I felt horrible. So I put my hands on her shoulders and I was like "Oh, let me see if anything terrible happened" and I moved her bangs out of the way. But while I was looking at her forehead I happened to glance into her eyes, which was a huge mistake, because they seared right through me. I don't think I've ever had that intense of an eye contact moment with anyone. Ever. Since that happened is when the touchiness has increased and sometimes she gives me these little coy side smiles and I often notice her looking at me. OH! And her facebook interested in section says women. Which only confuses me MORE because English isn't her first language so there's potential for her to be thinking it just meant for friends, but idk. As you can imagine, I'm confused about this whole situation. I had the epiphany today that maybe she's starting to have some of these feelings too and that she's just as confused as I was? I don't know. I was considering nonchalantly mentioning that I'm not ONLY interested in men to gauge her reaction? Ugh. I don't know what to do and we're only going to be working together/seeing each other everyday for another week and a half as we're both leaving this job. Though, I'm sure we'll keep in contact, I'm pretty bummed about knowing I won't see her as often (and she said she was sad about it too?). Is there any wisdom anyone feels like laying one me? Analyze my life pleeaaase!
