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I want to be more patient.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by dapulu, Nov 16, 2013.

  1. dapulu

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    So, the last few guys I've dated told me to chill/relax/take it easy... multiple times.

    I don't like BS so I tend to be direct with all romantic and sexual stuff. I feel like my time is ending because I will soon graduate and I'm a workaholic. So now that I'm not really "busy" I notice more and more the loneliness.

    I really want to be in a relationship right now and there are prospects, which have asked me to chill, but I've been "relaxing" for a month now...and I can't stand it. And I tend to f*ck up because they want to take it slow and I don't. I agree that we need time to know each other more and blablabla

    What kind of things shall I do to be more patient? I don't have a lot of free time on my hands, but when it's time to sleep it hits me how much I want to be with someone (as in giving each other love, I do have sex, little, but I have). Shall I just try to hang out with more friends or what?

    I really need to be more patient.

    Thanks for the advice :slight_smile:
     
    #1 dapulu, Nov 16, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2013
  2. StephenSC

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    Hi, I'm sorry to say I really can't help you... in fact I have a simular issue with being a little too forward and impatient (with this one particular "friend" of mine). I've not been able to figure out a way to be more relaxed and casual with him that doesn't feel like I'm letting a good thing just pass me by. The way I see it, shouldn't we be able to express ourselves how we want when we know we care about someone, why do we need to wait or slow down when our feelings are already set in stone? (Sorry ranting)

    Anyway, there is a thing or two I'd like to say.... Your only 22, and even though your a workaholic you are going to have plenty of time for romance. Don't feel like it's now or never, that is not the case and telling yourself that will only make you more impatient.

    Also your suggestion of being with friends more is a great one, do as much as you can to feel connected to other people so you don't feel as lonely (and in need of a relationship)

    As difficult as it is, remember you have many years ahead of you so it doesn't all need to happen "right now". All good things take time.
     
  3. kumawool

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    Hello... You seem a lot like my boyfriend, in that he wants to always be there with me, in every capacity... and while he wants to take it slow, he finds it hard because he doesn't want to be away from me, or not touching, taking me out, going on dates, long drives, etc.. Unfortunately, I'm the kind of person who needs space, which led to a few problems that we had to work on to be happy with each other.

    I'll explain what your boyfriends (and possible girlfriends, seeing as you're biromantic.. I think that means you might date girls, I'm a little slow sorry) might be feeling. It's not that they don't love you, but that they want to keep the relationship alive for a long time. Taking it slow is essentially a way to prove that a relationship isn't a quick way to have sex, or something that isn't meaningful. And of course, we can promise that's not what's happening, but to some people actions speak louder -- and it's important to respect that taking it slow is a way to develop a relationship for many people.

    Secondly --- I personally can only tolerate so much of any one person, before I need a bit of time to myself. That's very normal for most people -- and doesn't mean that we love our partner's any less --- it's just that we can only have so much time before we reach a limit --- and that limit is different for everyone. It's likely that a lot of your partners are similar, and respecting this will be important to them. There's a silver lining though! If you let your partner be alone when he asks you too, it's likely that when you make time for each other again, there will be a strong "I missed you!!!" type feeling, which is really nice!

    --

    As for you, finding ways to be occupied will help you. My boyfriend finds it easier if he can text me at any time, frequently, since he feels like I'm still there that way. When I do want to be completely alone -- or I'm working or doing math homework or with friends, he usually strategically chooses this time to do household chores, homework, hang out with his friends, watch shows, etc. He'll send me little texts like, "I'm thinking of you, talk to me later when you're not too busy or want to chat... I'll let you be for now :slight_smile: ", which is a nice me know he's there, but respecting my space.

    Then when we get to be together we can honestly say, "I missed you!" to each other, and we have stories and events to talk about and share, which is so nice!

    Lastly, you mentioned sex... Yes, it will take you awhile to reach a point of sex with some guys... especially if you're looking at a guy who wants a life long partner. Even if you meet someone who moves fast AND wants a serious relationship, you probably won't have sex all of the time. The best way to handle sex with someone who is slow is to show them that sex is making you closer, and that it's something fun to do, rather than what the relationship has been built on. Someone who is taking it slow wants a relationship built on love and friendship, but sex is fun, and friends have fun together, and that's okay. So of course, there's a way to woo even the most sensitive guys :wink:.

    That's because, when sex is fun and not the defining point, a person who wants to take it slow will realize they have a relationship built on love, rather than sexual desire, and it balances out for both of you. That's what works for me anyway :slight_smile:.

    Sorry for comparing you so much to my boyfriend, this just strongly reminded me of him, and it helped me to articulate my thoughts by relating them to someone! Good luck with your relationships in the future.


    Also --- it's hard to post threads like this, so I'm giving you a round of applause. Good luck in the future :smilewave.

    :eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap:eusa_clap
     
  4. dapulu

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    You're right. Maybe it's just that I'm afraid that when the "good thing" happens I'll not have the experience and f*ck up hahahaha. I agree, I express my feelings a lot, but maybe they somehow feel that I'm "needy" even though we don't see each other in like a month or so and I just want to hang out. I don't text them a lot, and if I do is to see if we can hang out, chilling out I mean. Thanks a lot for the advice!! I will update you in what works for me to be more patient :slight_smile:


    Thanks a lot for the advice!! Well I do have a few things to specify haha. I'm not needy...like, at all. In fact, I do tend to be more on the "my space, your space and then OUR space". With your first and second points I just need to explain my situation a bit: When I text the prospects, I only ask for a date, or maybe to go out with more friends or hangout or simply just ask how're they doing. Because we don't see each other a lot (and by a lot I mean like half a month or a month between everytime we see each other. And they don't really initiate a lot of conversations. I also try to portray my feelings a lot, so I ask them bluntly that if they feel I'm being too agressive or they just aren't interested, to please say so (I said it in a nice, normal tone). But they just don't really agree to meet each other. One is busy and the other one gives me cr*p.

    On the other hand, the example of your boyfriend is AMAZING! I had thought of the time, and recently I've been sending some texts in which I said to them similar things to them. Not wanting to meet each other, but just to express my interest in their well-being. Seems I went the right way hahaha. And that example shows me what I could do next.

    Bad thing about the prospects is that they WANT it. The sex. Or just a bit of it.....but when I ask them when, somehow they never quite clearly define it.

    Don't worry about the girls, right now it's all boys hahaha. Girls are a different story alltogether. I don't mind being compared :slight_smile: Thanks for the applause, I'll keep you guys updated :slight_smile: