Long story short, I want to give my friend an out. There's just so many things about him that make me suspicious he might be gay, including the same covers, overcompensation, and lies I use(d). He opened up to me a while ago and told me how people would call him gay and he even considered suicide. I'm not sure if he's in denial (assuming he is in fact gay) or there's just such a negative connotation associated with being out for him. Even this week, at lunch we were sitting (well, leaning against something with our feet up) together and he got sooooooo pissed when we found out his ex-girlfriend was making comments behind our backs about how we looked like a gay couple. He also mentions stuff like dressing up as a homosexual (and that's how he said it too, not like fag or anything. "politically correct") for Halloween and spirit days. There's just so many things that make me think he might be gay too. I'm gay myself and am still trying to suppress the fact I freaking love him, so I'm trying to stay unbiased as possible. Of course, I'm still deep in the closet. I just want to give him an out like I need someone to give to me. A way to just say, well I guess this is more of a text I'm asking you guys to proofread and help me with: I know you've been bullied for it before and everything, and you constantly state you're "100% straight" but if you really are deep in the closet, I'll be there for you no matter what. I'll love, accept, and support you for who you are no matter what. You're my best friend, and that's what best friends do. I just want you to be 100% honest with me, knowing nothing will change (or things will change for the better), I won't think of you any differently, and nobody else has to find out...are you gay? I'm not trying to say I think you're gay or you act gay or anything, one of my best friends in Washington is a lesbian and almost committed suicide because she felt like she couldn't tell anyone. I just want you to be honest with me and you to know you can tell me anything, no matter what. I just want some advice from the EC community and if anyone else has gone through something similar and how it worked out.
That sounds like a very supportive idea, just consider that if he isn't in fact gay (although it looks like he potentially IS) he might get quite annoyed. But you have worded it nicely. Another thing you might want to add is that you yourself are gay. That might make him feel a bit more comfortable. Another option is to say that to him IN person. That might feel a bit more personal, but idk. But I definitely think you should do/say something. Let me know how it goes
I am going through the exact same situation. I am madly in love with my room mate and I have lots of reasons why I think he might be gay. I posted on here the other day, the thread is called "Straight Crush". If you want to read more... To make a long story short, I decided to come out to him and take it from there. He might run away or he might remain my closest friend. this is a risk I am willing to take.
I have near the same situation going on in my life. I love the way you worded it, and think it's a great idea to ask him. However, he might get a little scared or nervous if you ask him over text, and it'd be easier for him to deny it. I believe you should ask him in person, and i also think that you should come out to him yourself. It may turn things a bit awkward in the moment, but it'd be worth it if he'd be honest with you, right? In fact, he might even want to experiment a bit if he is gay/bi, or even if he's straight. At least that's my viewpoint.
You can't expect him to be honest with you unless you are also honest with him. The single best way to "give him an out" is to come out to him. I imagine he would be much more comfortable opening up to you if you open up to him first. Other than that, I think the text is good. Just add on to the end that you also feel that you should be honest with him.
Thanks everyone for the advice. I agree I shouldn't expect him to tell me if I won't tell him. I'm just so afraid haha, if either goes amazing and we end up together or he gets really offeneded and weirded out that I ask him. I've been getting depressed just thinking about the risk. On a side note, I came out to one of my best friends (only person that knows who I know IRL) and her first question "IS **** GAY TOO!" Made me laugh, maybe I really should ask him...
