Feeling so guilty about lying to my parents about my sexuality

The first thing you NEED to do is change the way you think about this.

You feel guilty about being scared of a their reaction.

When you say 'I lied about it' you automatically assign yourself the position of 'bad guy'. You were the bastard that maliciously held vital information from them. That scum bag that told them everything BUT the truth in order to hurt them!

You and I both know that's not true. Is it? You didn't do it to hurt them. You did it out of fear. We all did. As it turns out they were supportive, but before you came out how many times did you read about some poor soul who told his parents and was mentally tortured for it. Some disgusting things happen to some poor people out there when they tell their parents, and no matter how well you THINK they might take it there is always that chance you will be wrong. So don't tell yourself you lied.

If you feel guilty about it, go find them and thank them. Tell them how scared you were and tell them why. Tell them how amazing they are for listening to you and being accepting. Frankly, they aren't, they are just good parents, nobody SHOULD react badly to this news but many do. But if you feel guilty, thank them.

 

"The thing is I am the bad son, I wasn't a good kid, I didn't work at school, I didn't respect my parents, I made them cry a few times, I lied, I was manipulative, I went out drinking sometimes etc. "

So? You did some bad things, that doesn't make EVERYTHING you do bad.

 

A lot of people have misjudged the reaction their parents, relatives and friends had to their coming out. But there's nothing wrong with holding off on telling them something like "I'm gay" if you're not ready or you're not sure of their reaction. You made the best decision for you with the information you had at the time.

 

The thing is I am the bad son, I wasn't a good kid, I didn't work at school, I didn't respect my parents, I made them cry a few times, I lied, I was manipulative, I went out drinking sometimes etc. "
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Ummm...you were a typical teenager?

I agree with what has been said upthread. You may have made an error in judgement with regards to your parents' reaction, but that doesn't make you "bad."

I would hazard a guess that nobody realizes who they are and then immediately tells there parents. You deserve time to internally process your identity, and then gauge their acceptance. This isn't wrong. This is human.

 

I am too old for parents. I didn't do anything to hurt them other than what they brought upon themselves . When I convey a message to a partner it is one of peace and stability. My condition grew worse with my parents and I did more to rebel. I need to feel that my being gay makes me an individual, and makes me more independent and unrestrained, the way God intended for me.