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How to force yourself to have a hard conversation

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by lostlifeguard, Nov 17, 2013.

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  1. lostlifeguard

    lostlifeguard
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    I've been kind of dating this guy for 2 months, and he's getting really clingy and stressing me out so I want to tell him that I can't be in a relationship with him anymore. I'm new to the whole dating thing, and for me it's easier to just avoid him, but I know that will only make things worse (he lives in my dorm, so that can't happen).
    Do you have any advice for how you get yourself motivated/ pumped up for a conversation like this? I tried to have this talk yesterday, but when I started talking to him I didn't actually tell him this, and I just made excuses. I just need to be honest, but I have such issues being blunt and straight forward.
    Advice?

    Thanks
     
    #1 lostlifeguard, Nov 17, 2013
  2. SomeNights

    SomeNights
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    Have you expressed to him anything about the clingyness bothering you? I think that would be a better place to start.
     
    #2 SomeNights, Nov 17, 2013
  3. lostlifeguard

    lostlifeguard
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    I have, and it's not just that. He's been getting super passive aggressive towards me when I don't want to sleepover in his room, and overall I'm just tired of it. It stresses me out so much to have to deal with him all the time and I want out of the relationship. I just need to get myself to end it.
     
    #3 lostlifeguard, Nov 17, 2013
  4. lostlifeguard

    lostlifeguard
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    On top of all this, I kind of have a crush on someone else who I want to pursue, but I can't do that in good conscience until I know that we're not in a relationship.
     
    #4 lostlifeguard, Nov 18, 2013
  5. SomeNights

    SomeNights
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    There is no "easy" way to say it. The best thing to do is to just come out with it. "_____ we need to talk. This isn't working anymore." Then follow up with reasons why. I'd leave the part about someone else out of it though. Besides that, just be honest
     
    #5 SomeNights, Nov 18, 2013
  6. greatwhale

    greatwhale
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    There a scene in the movie "Moneyball" where the young apprentice learns how to fire a baseball player. Simply; it should be in the first sentence.

    I did that when I announced to my boss that I was leaving my job after 5 years. It came out of my mouth even before I was fully seated. It works, otherwise its sheer torture until the words come out and it helps no one. Say it (with conviction and no uncertainty) then explain.
     
    #6 greatwhale, Nov 18, 2013
  7. Laura27

    Laura27
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    All the luck to you! I cannot advice you, but I can provide you with a bad example. I've tried to break up with a clingy guy. He started crying. I took everything back. Then I tried another time. It never happened and it was horrible. If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. It's better for the both of you that you break up. Otherwise you will both get depressed. Keep that in mind. It is never easy and there is no state of mind that can get you through it easier.
     
    #7 Laura27, Nov 18, 2013
  8. thedreamwatch

    thedreamwatch Guest

    The only way out is through, in these cases. This conversation is going to suck. He might be very emotional. It may be difficult for you to deal with that, especially as those feelings don't just go away when someone breaks up with you. He's allowed to feel that way and you're allowed to avoid him after the breakup or distance yourself or do whatever you need to do to get past this.

    But it's okay, because once you actually have the conversation, you'll feel better. It's like ripping off a bandaid. The only way to stop stressing is to get it done. :slight_smile:

    Sorry you're in a tough spot, but good luck
     
    #8 thedreamwatch, Nov 18, 2013
  9. dapulu

    dapulu
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    Be blunt. Don't go around it. Agreed with the "say it in the first sentence"
     
    #9 dapulu, Nov 18, 2013
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