Hello everyone, This may be the third post in a short amount of time, but I just figured out what pains me and I need advice. I'm going to do my best to keep this as clear as possible. I'm dating a girl. We met online. She seemed interesting, nice, intelligent and ambitious so I kept contacting her. The first time we met in person she was awfully quiet and nervous. One week later she confessed that she liked me, despite being so quiet. I was on cloud nine because she was cute and totally my type! I continued going on dates with her. It's now a year later. I've fallen in love with her. We are both dating no one else. She happened to be a reserved, passive, very quiet person. I am also reserved, but I'm talkative once I like someone. She tells me she doesn't know what to say around me, which I find incredibly cute. I love spending days with her. We're long distance (2 hours apart). We see each other once a month. We've been on over 10 dates, including her coming over to my place (I live on my own) and stay overnight. The thing that bugs me is that when we're not together, she doesn't text or mail me much. She doesn't initiate contact, I do. She doesn't spontaneously call me or send me messages on facebookchat. When she mails me, and it's not a response to one of my mails (which I scarcely send, by the way), I am truly surprised (that happened one time). When I restrain myself from contacting her the whole day, she sends me a whatsapp message late at night asking how my day went. I can't remember even one time that she asked me to chat, skype or plan a date. She's always willing to plan a date, or a time to skype or chat. But she never initiates. I once asked her why she didn't contact me much and she ignored me until I changed the topic. She also ignored me when I asked her where we were going. She would call me to talk about it. She never did. She never brought it up again. It's clear that she doesn't see us 'together together' soon. Because there is such a discrepancy between our need for contact, I am constantly asking myself whether to keep dating, or to break it off, because there is no chance that we will be together soon. I dislike the idea of breaking up with her, but I have a history of staying in a relationship for too long and regretting not breaking up earlier. So when we're together I'm okay and in love, but most of the time we're not together and I worry because I don't understand how she could have the whole day off and not send me one message during the day. She pays for my food and she likes me. I'm afraid I come across as needy. I hope someone could provide me with some advice. Thank you for reading about my worries :icon_bigg :help:
Communication is really the pillar of relationships for me. Try and have a serious talk about your need of contact and how do you feel about the current situation. If she keeps avoiding the subject, then I'd suggest telling her the consequences(without making it sound like a threat) or just break up with her. That's my two cents
I will when she next visits me. That will probably be the last time but I think I can handle it. Thank you for your two cents! Is that an English expression? I like it!
It seems, she finds this topic hard to talk about. Wether that means loyal or not i don't know, but trust is important in all relationships. When i have a difficult suitation, i try to look at it in black and white, the answer then is easier to find. Go with your gut feeling, its normally right (Unfortunately). Good luck.
I don't know how to quote messages like you, tex st, so I'll just answer you like this Firstly, thank you for your reply! Secondly, yes, that is a very annoying thing that I tend to do. I have a hard time hurting people whom I care for. It's my experience that you tend to bond stronger with someone you have or have had both an emotional and a sexual connection with. I know she's not right for me. I will never see her again when I break up with her. It's for the best, but it hurts. Dottydragon, thanks for your imput, 'unfortunately' is the word that describes it the best. I know that it's true that we are heading towards nothing (gut feeling), but it's a hard decision to make. Next Wednesday she will come over and I will cook her something and we will watch a movie together. It will be a couple of hours. I am going to try to have a serious conversation with her then. I hope I can do it, when she's with me I most of the time can't imagine why I was doubting anything and suddenly don't want to make her uncomfortable with my worries.
