So I have this problem with a friend of mine... First off let me say that I have seen people on here with very similar problems so I have listened to everyone's responses but nothing has really worked. I have been crushing on my best friend for like two-three months, but the problem is he's straight...(Classic love story... Tragic lol) I met him over a year ago at his current gf's birthday party. I was already bi-curious at the time so it was easy for me to tell him that I thought he was hot. Which he was fine with, but then i started to develop feelings for him, which by the way is odd for me it usually takes me years to do so, anyways I've told him I like him while i was drunker than a skunk and when he asked me about it, i got nervous and said it was the Bacardi talking. Now here's the catch, he lately has been acting rather strange, and by strange I mean very flirtatious, my own mom and sister have said as much. He has been very touchy-feely, he looks like he gets lost in my eyes half the damn time, he'll randomly start rubbing his fingers through my hair, and to top it all off he swears up and down that I have open mouthed kissed him when i was drunk, now i know for a fact that I didn't do it because i've never got so drunk that i forgot the night before. I can't just forget about him, he comes over and spends the night almost every weekend, and he's coming over this weekend so i dont know if i should ask him about it, or just let nature take its course... And to add insult to injury we're suppose to drink as well. I mean I really like this guy, I've told him things about me no one knows. I am just afraid that he doesn't feel the same and our relationship will be ruined...:bang: I would really appreciate some advice
Well, that is indeed a situation. I wish I was lucky enough to end up there. From what you said, I'd say he likes you back or is at lest interested in trying something. The real question I'd like to know is: is he still dating that girl(your friend) and what do you want out of the relationship(friends or more). If he's still dating that girl, I'd personally have moral issues with it and my advise would be to start putting distance and when he starts flirting remind him that he's dating your friend. Pursuing him in anyway is more than likely going to trash the relationship with your friend. Same thing goes if you just want to be friends However, if he's not still seeing that girl and you do want something to come from it, flirt back. Try looking back into his eyes, I personally believe the 3-5 second rule, (meaning if you have eye contact for a solid 3 seconds rule, there is probably something there or the person is REALLY forward) or when he starts rubbing though your hair, just put your head on the inside of his shoulder. And re-reading that second paragraph reminds me of how much I need a bf :lol: btw, that Zelda game was amazing!
You could always go the innocent highschool route and ask if he'd like to watch some porn together, find the one with the hottest guy you can find, and see what happens. OR you could tell him you appreciate the little changes in his behaviour, you feel a lot closer to him and it's a welcome growth between you. He might not even admit to what you're talking about, but reinforce how much you've noticed the little things and how comfortable you are with them. Cuddle up and watch a movie. At the very least you have a good friend who is doing what I've always wanted my guy friends to do. At the very best, he's either interested or curious.
Hey! Best video game ever! xD Anyway, I agree with first response. Is he still seeing his gf? You don't necessarily have to talk to him about what's going on, but you can if you want to of course. You could just let things happen naturally by flirting back and getting touchy feely with him But if he makes a move, tell him that he needs to sort out what's happening with his gf before going further. But remind him that you really like him Good luck
Okay so to answer everyones question YES, he is still seeing her, and it doesn't sound like he and her plan on splitting anytime soon so... yeah. Although, him and I do wish to remain friends, he told me that if they ever broke up that I would be first in line lol. And this last weekend was so busy for me, my sister had her baby, but he told me that he really appreciated the fact that I still made time for him. Oh before I forget, I very softly carressed his cheek, and well "little Jackson" wanted to come out and play. All in all I was fairly surprised by his behavior this weekend, he was very sweet and supportive. I gues that is why he's my best friend.
Oh don't worry hun, I fully intend to. He suprised the crap out of me this morning. I woke up because I felt somone tickling the piss outta me (Im ubber ticklish) well i thought at first it was my sister trying to wake me up to help her with the baby (Her and her husband are going through a divorce so she loves with me and my mother) I opened my eyes and he's sitting there tickling my inner thighs, and he says "Hey guess what, Im spending the night tonight." And as y'all can imagine I was supper stoked. He and I played dress up at the mall, and we put on tuxs and I told him "...you're hotter than a Junebug in July..." To which he replied " Well you look sexier than socks on a rooster!" We are both from the the same town in Georgia, and we never met until our parents got stationed in Colorado. Yeah he's over and he is working the knots out of my back, he has the touch of midas...
It sounds like he is giving you Very Strong signals he is interested in you. However at time point he will need to choose between you and his GF as it's not fair to either one of you. I'm sure you don't want to be his part time play mate on the side when he's not with his GF. If this continues and he keeps showing more and more interest in you sexually and as a potential partner, he is going to have to break it off with his gf. At sometime, if you feel it's becoming more intense you should have an open and honest conversation with him about developing your relationship into something deeper.
Need help? I'd say you're doing beautifully on your own! Kidding aside, I do think things are starting to get a bit sticky (no pun intended), him being so vocally committed to his girlfriend, while also obviously trying to get into your pants. I'd say this story could veer quite quickly into heartbreak territory for the both of you. If the relationship continues to progress in this vein, IMO, it wouldn't be out of order for you to have that talk with him telling him to put up or shut up when it comes to you and his girlfriend. Best of luck! Please do continue to update. Somehow these srt8-crush-becoming-gay-for-me stories are utterly fascinating me right now. :eusa_eh:
Don't do anything with him while he is in a relationship. I am saying this from personal experience. I had really bad anxiety issues about hooking up with someone in a relationship because I was keeping it secret and ashamed of my lack of morals, pride, etc. Greatwhale helped me understand that he was going to rationalize the hookup as no big deal if it ever came up, and he probably has done it more than once. Though it seems cliched, the idea of "once a cheater always a cheater" is still a good notion. Even if you don't have anxiety or stress issues and rationalize the morals and pride part, it will not bode well for you. Let him break things off with his girlfriend if he is interested in you. If he does, then by all means make a move, but he might not if he doesn't want people to know he has feelings for another guy, especially if you are both from a deep south state like Georgia. (This statement should only be taken serious if where you are from is similar to the stereotypical homo-phobic rednecks of the deep south, if not, ignore or accept it as an assumption that has no evidence to support) Also, if you truly want to see if he likes you for who you are and see if he feels the same about you, STOP drinking. It will only be an excuse to brush off anything that happens. Interact without the influence of alcohol when you are in a situation that could possibly turn intimate and see for yourself if there is homogeneity in that aspect to your friendship. To quote Anna Kendrick from Pitch Perfect: "Make good choices" and good luck! Obviously if he is giving you massages and spends weekends at your house you have spent time with him without alcohol. Still stop drinking. 1. Not legal for you, 2. Detrimental to health, 3. Bad and expensive habit to start. 4. Nobody likes a drunk and it doesn't take much to become one. (My brother went from being an all A college student to dropping out because he was drinking and partying every night and started failing all of his classes; people stopped hanging around him because of it and couldn't keep a steady job and drove himself further in debt spending money on alcohol rather than bills. It is not the best reputation to have. And this is not an implication that you are a drunk either, please understand that.)
Well to give everyone an update... FML to say the least. About a month ago Jackson and Rebecca broke up... and things got pretty good for a while, I say that because he and I talked and he told me that he didn't know if he was gay/bi or anything like that. And before I say this I know bad me, he asked me to do "things" to see if he was. Well that started happening every-time he came over, and he started coming over like 3-4 times a week for three weeks, and then he left to go see some family in Alabama, this is when things got bad, well Rebecca contacted me and wanted to talk about why they broke up. She knew that he smoked weed but she had no clue how much he did. She was raised catholic, so she is against it but she made an exception for him. She asked me if I did with him and how much he did, if you ask me she used her femininity to her advantage, she cried and cried so I told her the truth. The truth is he did it almost every time he came to my house. We talked on and off for a day or two and I told her about me and him, because she asked. Well the next day I got a facebook message at like 7:23 in the morning from her asking if I wanted to spend the night at her house and that we needed to talk. Well I call her and she's crying and she tells me that he texted her that morning saying he misses her and that he wanted to get back with her... me being the good friend I acted all excited for her and about that time he calls her. He and her talked for about three hours, I get another call from her saying that she told him about what I had told her and Jackson responded with saying and I quote "I am moving back to Alabama, and there isn't anything y'all can do about it." I called him crying and he told me that the only reason he was still in Colorado was because of me and Rebecca, and I stabbed him in the back so he's not coming back. I convinced him to come back and talk with me about it. When me and Becca were talking I told her that I felt used by him, for sex, alcohol, and being able to smoke cigarettes and weed at my place, she told him that. So when I called him he asked me if that was true, I said no to avoid hurting him more than I already had. Well I told Rebecca after I got done talking with him why I said that I didn't, she told him that later on as well, I didn't expect her to and I didn't know she did. The night I was supposed to spend at her house Rebecca gets a call from him and he wanted to talk to me. I get on the phone and he rips into me saying how fucked up it was for me not telling him and that he was going to kick my ass, I calmed him down enough to where he let me explain and he was still pissed at me. later on that night Rebecca got another call from him and this time he was pissed at her and was saying that me and her had planned on having sex that night and that that's the only reason she wanted me over... so I left. I stopped talking to both of them for a day or so, and she messaged and started accusing me of just trying to get with her and that all I was trying to do was get in her pants. Well now he has barely talked to me and she hasn't at all. That was a week ago. He's supposed to come over this Friday, I don't know if I should tell him that I have feelings for him, or just bite the bullet...
Well...that escalated quickly to say the least. I'm a bit confused about what you wrote. The 3 weeks he went a lot to your house, did you guys do "things" almost everytime? Did you guys smoked weed or drank almost everytime he came over? About your conversation with Rebecca let me get things right, you told her about the "things" you guys did? or what did you tell her about you guys? When Rebecca and Jackson were talking, Did Rebecca said ALL you said to her to Jackson? Did you and Jackson agree to keep the "things" and the stuff you did together a secret? I honestly don't know why Jackson reacted that way saying he was gonna kick your ass. Was he really that hurt? Did he tell you that it wasn't about that and it was about how you were a friend for him? Was that even in the conversation you guys had? Now for my 2 cents: First of all I'm really sorry that all this fucked up stuff happened to you. But you can get through with it. What I would highly recommend is first clear the waters with Rebecca, and I mean your relationship. Tell her how you were hurt that night and you weren't trying to get in her pants, what you were trying to do was to get your friend back. And that you're sorry if this brought trouble to her. If she doesn't want to cooperate you can at least rest assured that you tried and that she isn't a keeper in your friendlist. On the other hand I'd highly recommend filtering and assessing the thoughts you have about your friend Jackson. Think about what you want with him... do you want him as a friend? as a lover? as a boyfriend? If you can only have one which one would you choose? Are you prepared to say goodbye to the other choices? Then I'd suggest you write a letter or an inbox or an email very carefully (put it in Word first if you want, and revise the finished draft when you're not that emotional) explaining 4 main things to Jackson: 1) the issue about trust: how you felt obliged to tell Rebecca whatever you told her and how you're sorry about betraying that trust if you had an agreement. Explain your thought process if you think she deserved to know the truth. 2)the issue about being used by him. Explain how you felt and why you felt that and WHY you decided to lie to him; if you think he was hurt, tell him why and how you wanted to avoid hurting him and that you're sorry if in the end that decision hurt him more. 3)the issue about you wanting to get in the pants of Rebecca. Explain what you did to Rebecca, how you only wanted to get him back and how you left because of what he said and how hurt you were. 4)how he's one of the most important people in your life right now. Call it friendship if you want. Tell him how much it meant to have him in your life and how it hurts when he's not around. After you're done with that writing Chill out, sleep a bit and then read it and see if you lacked anything or if there's anything confusing. Then you can choose what to do with it. You can send it via mail, message, Fb or whatever to him. And then keep the talk when he comes on Friday. You can print it or write it and give it to him when he comes on Friday, and ask him to please read it, and then start talking about it after he reads it. I advise to do all that to get the friendship back. And then, when you're done talking about the letter you can address your feelings for him and confess if you want. Take into account that by confessing you may seal the friendship you have left, and things may never go back to normal again. However, how you decide to confess your feelings also is important. That's why I urge you to choose what you want with Jackson now. If you want to remain friends you can always confess and say that you'll get over it and that you only want your friend back. Take into account that confessing may clear the part about you banging Rebecca. I also warn that you don't tell Rebecca about your feelings for Jackson for now. I don't really know if you have explained some of this stuff to them, but it is my 2 cents. Please keep us updated in your decisions. I will keep an eye on this post Best of luck and wishes!!!!!!!
>_> How the heck? Ok... Yeah... dapulu pretty much says everything necessary... Just to clarify... what exactly did you and this boy do? Because if he made you do sexual things with him and then it was pretty douchebag-like of him to then text her saying he misses her... If you really care about this guy, then yes, try to fix it. But be careful. He clearly seems a little 'off the rails'.
Of course he's mad. You outed him! You had no right no matter how much his ex blubbered. To be quite frank you let yourself be easily manipulated by his ex and you should have never confided in her. All in all, I say you dodged a bullet. Count yourself lucky and move on.
