I have fallen for one of my best friends... hard.

Hey guys... I'm going to apologise in advance about any typos. As I've mentioned before, I'm on my phone. Which is probably also good for you, 'cause then the story won't be so long.

Anyways... Let us begin.

Well... I better tell you a bit about him. I met him (sort of) at the beginning of Year 9 last year. I didn't have many friends back then, and I after a few weeks of him being in my maths class, decided he was just another one of those dope smoking surfer dudes I'd eventually come to hate.

I didn't like him for all of last year. He was loud,u rude and just plain... mean.

But all that changed at the start if year 10. We shared a large amount of our classes together: English, Science, Maths, Careers and PDHPE. I decided I'd try and make friends with him. I'm so glad I did.
We quickly became the best of friends after chatting at great length about our subjects and stuff. I quickly added him on Facebook, and he did the same with me. We became even closer when we discovered our passion for books such as 'The Inheritance Cycle'.

My suspicions all started when he asked me "I can trust you with anything, right?" I quickly replied "Of course you can!" He told me about a major problem that had been affecting his life really badly. I won't mention it on here for tye sake of his privacy. Anyways, I was the ONLY one he told. He said he trusted me the most out of anyone and I was one of the best friends he had ever had. From then on, we've told each other our problems and hekped each other get through them. Over time, he started telling me loved me on Facebook. Y'know, in the abbreviated form of 'ILY'? He also sent me lots and lots and lots of love hearts. When I was down, he told me 'ILY man'. When I was happy, he told me the same. Once... I was really depressed, and he actually said to me (via facebook) 'I love you man. Don't forget that.'
About a month later, I said 'I'll always be here for you, don't you ever forget it. :3' He replied 'ily and don't you ever forget that.' Essentially the same thing.
I'd do things for him, like his maths homework and stuff, and he'd make me feel better.
Once, I gave him twenty dollars that he needed for an excursion, and he hugged me and said 'You mean the world to me, y'know?' Since he is taller than me, and I'm just above average hieght, I just hummed into his chest in agreement... or whatever.

One day, about three months ago, all the love hearts and 'ily' stuff stopped. We still talk heaps and are really close and stuff... just that stuff stopped. For some unknown reason.

But anyways... I catch him just loking at me a lot. And when I turn to look at him, he either turns his head, or we just keeo eye contact for a while. If the latter happens, we end up smiling at each other and going back to our work, chatting about random things. I only get to see him at school, which is a bit of a drag.
He always sits next to me in the classes we share, and his leg usually touches mine or he rests his foot on top of mine. Often, he sits perpendicular to me, so his knees are facing my thighs. They usually press into my leg and he just leaves them there. I usually brush it off, thinking it's just a side effect of being tall.

He is also really into clothes. And fashion. He has all these gay tendencies, like hugging guys and telling me it's cute that camellias are my favourite flowers. He's always looking at me. We're always having fun.

The other day in English, we were assigned a big group task. We always work together on anything, so we were in a big group with about four other friends. All of a sudden, he turns quietly to me and say 'Do ya wanna ditch these four and just work on something by together? Knowing you, you'll come up with something amazing.' Me being me, I agreed. So we've decided to work on this English thing together, which makes me really happy.
He also gets quite jealous when I start talking to other people or helping other people out. He makes me feel so special and wanted...

So... What I'm trying to say is... I'm really confused to whether he is gay or not. I am madly in love with him, and could spend the rest of my life with him. I've considered coming out to him a few times, but I'm afraid it would ruin this great friendship I have with him. He said we would always be friends, no matter what. But I'm afraid that will change if I tell him I'm Bi.

I don't know what to do! I'm so unsure of him and myself! The only thing I am sure of, is how much I love him. Please... I just want some advice.

Kael~

 

Hey, Dapulu.

I'l answer your questions straight up.

Sometimes we talk about girls, and he says they're hot or he'd do them (in his own words of course). Bit he has never been in a relationship with one before. I know he's had sex, but that was when he was drunk. :/
And no, I haven't talked to him about my sexuality yet... I don't want to in fear of losing him.
When he isn't feeling the best, I always tell him "I'll always be here for you. If you ever need any help, feel free to ask me. Anytime." He usually replies with "I know! " or "Thankyou so much. For everything."

I'm just... confused. I... Sometimes it gets me really down... And I get so close to telling him. Like, he knows I like someone, and in our conversation I never specified whether it was a 'him' or a 'her'. But he hasn't picked up on that.

He just means so much to me, and I don't know where I would be whithout him.

Anyways... I should stop blabbing on about nothing. I gotta go now. I'm going shopping for games and shit. I'll be back later.

See you guys! And thanks Dapulu! :3

Kael~

 

I just thought I might update a bit on what's going on.

Our friendship's going alright, but I keep getting the feeling I should distance myself from him or something. I could never do that though. He means too much to me...

I just don't know what to do.

My mother's being a complete and utter b****. It really gets me down. I'll probably talk to him about it tomorrow at school. It's the only time I get to see him face-to-face and he always makes me feel so much better. This afternoon, I just laid on my floor, thinking whether I should tell him I'm Bi. I am seriously considering it, but I am really afraid of what it might do to our friendship.

Anyways... That's my little update.

I hope to hear from you guys soon.

Kael~

 

Hey, Mzansi. Typing in the dark is quite hard, so I apologise for any typos.

Thank you so much for the advice/explanation! You cleared up a few things for me, and I'll answer your questions now.

I have come out to one person, and I'm slowly leaning towards telling him. I don't want to tell him about my feelings towards him yet, but maybe later after I tell him I'm Bi. I want to see his reaction to me not being straight first.

Personally, I am sure he will be fine with it. He has nothing against people of different sexualities and is fine with it when brought up in conversation.

Anyways... I doubt(unfortunately) that he is gay, or at least bi. I don't know why, and I guess I'll never know until I find out. But do you really think we have more than a... 'normal' friendship...? I've never really thought of it that way... but it would be nice. :3

And don't worry; I've tried to separate myself from him before. I only lasted for about an hour or two before I started to talk to him again. :3 I apologised and everything, and he said it was fine, but to tell him if anything was wrong. Like... whenever.
I'm so grateful to have him as a friend. So I won't ever try it again.

Anyways... Yeah. Thanks again Mzansi! You helped me quite a bit.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Kael~

 

I did it guys.

A few nights ago... I came out to him. I told him I'm Bi.
And it all went perfectly fine!!! :3

He said he was fine with it, and accepted it straight away '"cause he cares about me." I feel so much better now that I've told him.

Now... I just gotta address the other problem of loving him...

At least he knows now!! :3 And I'm so happy with his response.

Anyways... he's been using my name over the internet a lot more. Instead of dude or man, it's my name. I just thought I should mention it. And lots of winky faces too...

ANYWAYS!!! I'm feeling a lot better now. I hope all you guys are doing good! :3

See ya! Hope to hear from you soon!

Kael~

 

I'll be sure to keep you guys updated on anything that happens! :3

Thanks, WhiteShadows!! How are you? I hope you're doing okay on your end. Send me a message or something if you ever want any help. I'll try my best! :3

Anyways... Tomorrow will be the first time I have seen him in a week, because we've both been away with school and stuff. I miss him, so I'm pretty excited about tomorrow! :3

I'll be sure to keep you all updated as much as possible.

See ya.

Kael~

 

So... Today I saw him for the first time in a while.

He looked absolutely terrible. Like... tired.

We walked into Maths and sat down. He said "Hey" and the usual morning greetings and stuff. I taught him how to do logarithms and stuff, but he was a bit grumpy because he was sick. The sad thing was, he left after second period (PDHPE) because it turned out he had a fever. I really hope he gets better soon.

It's good to know he doesn't really treat me any differently than before.
But he is A LOT more caring now. At least that's what I've noticed. Like, tonight while I was talking to him over Facebook, I said I was going to die this weekend because of work. His reply was "Aw no don't do that!" Like... I don't know how to explain it.

It just seems, in my opinion, he has become a bit more attached to me ever since I told him. I dunno... It could just be wishful thinking.

Anyways... I'll be sure to keep you guys updated on things.

See ya 'round.

Kael~

 

Hey, guys. Last night was absolutely horrible. I ALMOST cried myself to sleep. Almost.

He and I had a... discussion last night that got me down a lot. To put it bluntly; he was telling me I should tell him everything, instead of stopping at the last second. I said it was a natural thing for me to do; I couldn't help it. I told him I didn't want to make any mistakes with any of my friends, because I was scared of losing them. Especially him.

"I know how you feel. But you need to stop because that feeling is fucking horrible. And to be honest, by doing it you actually push me further away."

That was the reply I got. I was absolutely torn. Tattered shreds stomped into the ground.

I felt so bad. I was pushing him away in the first place? How?

Anyways... Last night wasn't the best... I patched it up in the end, though.

Today... he was a bit distant. Like... it was sort of an effort to talk to me? He was just acting a bit differently after last night happened.

I'm hoping when I see him in person it'll clear things up. I haven't seen him in ages.

I'm alright now though. We have been talking "normally" for today. (The slight change in his mannerisms is the exception.) I'm just hoping there is a legitimate reason for it.

I'm scared guys. I really don't want to lose him. But it seems like our friendship is just... slowly slipping off the edge... I don't want it to end...

I'm going to try and strengthen it back up over the last week of school... But I'll have to tread carefully.

I think he has caught on to me liking him though. I think he had his suspicions before, but now he is a little more sure. I think that could be a main factor...

I just wish I knew...

Anyways, I hope you guys are doing alright.

See you...

Kael~

 

Hey guys...

I want to thank you all so far for sticking with me and giving me advice on this. You guys really help me out a lot! :3

Anyways... Everything is a lot better now. We had a big talk on Facebook last night and stuff's all sorted. To put it simply, everything is as it was before Saturday night. He wasn't at school yesterday, so today is the first time I have seen him for quite a while.

I'll still be a bit cautious though. Just to make sure.

@blueskies: You aren't of no help! Everyone that's posted on here has helped me immensely, and I appreciate it so much.

@resu: Thanks for the advice! I've only given him money once; which was that time for the excursion. And I only did his maths homework a few times too. Just to lighten his load.

Anyways, I thank you all again for the great tips and pointers you are all giving me! I hope all of you are alright!!

Today, in double Science, our class is going down to the harbour and just hanging around there for a while and getting hot chips and stuff like that. Yay!! So I'll talk to him then.

I'll be sure to keep you guys updated!!

See you!

Kael~