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Family, Friends, and Relationships Support and advice for any problems with relationships with family members, friends, partners etc.

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Old 23rd Nov 2013, 01:02 PM   #1
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Default I really, really need a boyfriend. I'm feeling very lonely.

Just over a month ago I came out to my best friend. I still can't believe I told someone. I still find it weird that someone else knows other than me. It was a really emotional day for me but I think it couldn't have gone any better. It felt unbelievable to just say it and tell him. Nothing has changed between us. We still hug or rest our heads on each other's shoulders from time to time and do everything else we did. I can't admire him enough. I just wanted to say that :)

I really want to have a boyfriend because although it is really nice to be able to talk to someone about how I'm feeling, I need a more physical connection. I'm not talking about sexual stuff; just the feeling of being hugged or kissed. That is all I want. Someone I can watch a movie with and be really close to. I feel that because I'm in the closet and that I don't know anyone that I want to be with, I'm restricted to being single. I hate it. It's like my freedom to have this connection with someone is taken away because there is no one to be with. There is a couple of gay people at my school but they are definitely not for me. And I don't want to be with one of them just because of the way I'm feeling. It wouldn't be the same. Also, I hate how there are two girls I know for sure want to date me and are really nice but I can't find one guy to be with; like the availability for girls is fine but the availability for guys is zero. And the fact that it would be so easy to be in a relationship with a girl and that it is so hard to even find a guy to be in a relationship with, frustrates me.

Sometimes at night I cannot get to sleep. This leaves me feeling really tired in the morning and I spend my spare at school sleeping and I still feel tired. All I can think about is an imaginary boy who I'm holding hands with or hugging or kissing. It makes me really sad sometimes. And there is NO ONE to be with. There isn't even a consideration of someone. The boy I imagine tends to change in appearance because have no set person to think about.

I am almost certain that if I got a boyfriend, I would do really well at school too. I'm doing well now and I spend a lot of time on homework and reviewing for tests. I work really hard at these things but I think my general happiness or yearning for a relationship is acting as a barrier between me and doing better in school. I feel that if I have someone to be with, I could work as hard as I am now and do much better. I feel this way because my memory and capability to understand things in class are affected by how I'm feeling. So whenever I have things to study or I have a test, I go into a bathroom stall and smile really hard for a couple minutes just to feel good and I can focus much better after. But that is only temporarily and if I worked really hard and didn't do that before a test, I'd likely do very poorly on the test. But that is all I can do right now. It is nowhere near having a someone to be with.

I really, really don't want to wait until university to find someone. School would be soooo much easier if I had a boy to be with. I told my friend about this and it was nice to tell someone but he couldn't do anything about it. Just like I can't do anything about it. That is my main concern right now. And the type of guy I want to be with is a guy that is at least a little bit athletic and is a bit more masculine. I want to find someone within the next month before the winter break because I can spend time with him then. We could go snowboarding, skating, and just hang out inside. And I desperately want that.
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Old 23rd Nov 2013, 02:36 PM   #2
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Default Re: I really, really need a boyfriend. I'm feeling very lonely.

I have been there. And I think the first step is for you to understand that you do not need someone to be happy. It takes a hard and long time to digest it. But being with someone isn't going to fill the hole you fill inside. You need to fill it up yourself.
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Old 23rd Nov 2013, 03:07 PM   #3
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Default Re: I really, really need a boyfriend. I'm feeling very lonely.

"I'm not talking about sexual stuff; just the feeling of being hugged or kissed. That is all I want. Someone I can watch a movie with and be really close to."

Ah that irritating feeling that will not go away. Every night it haunts me. You roll over and instead of a nice warm, strong arm you find a pillow. You shuffle your legs in the night and something is slotted between your lower legs...is it my boyfriends leg! Oh wait...I don't HAVE a boyfriend, its the duvet. FUCK YOU duvet for getting my hopes up.

Wish I could help, but as you can see it's a problem I am suffering with myself!
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Old 23rd Nov 2013, 04:14 PM   #4
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Default Re: I really, really need a boyfriend. I'm feeling very lonely.

Ahh, you've described how I feel most of the times. Friends are friends for a reason, they can only do so much. It's like a black weight that just crushes you when you think about this. And you think about it ALL the time. Annoying...

But like you said, I'd rather wait patiently, waiting to find the significant other. Until then, I'll hug my duvet and furry animals for the time being

But y'know, keep your head up, it'll come. Someone will be there eventually on the other side, just waiting to cuddle, hug and kiss you.
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Old 24th Nov 2013, 02:33 AM   #5
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Default Re: I really, really need a boyfriend. I'm feeling very lonely.

I wanna scream it from the rooftop too ! " I wanna have a damn bf or gf " . Sex is not the point here . I just want someone to love and be loved . Someone I can trust and feel secured being with . So we can do stuff together , cuddle on bed , kissing.. etc . But I don't have anyone like that for like 23 years in my life . So I kinda get used to it . You're only 17. You have plenty of time to find someone that feels the same and want the same . Just be patient and enjoy your high school years . What will be will be . I'm in the same situation so that's all i can say
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Old 24th Nov 2013, 06:10 AM   #6
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Default Re: I really, really need a boyfriend. I'm feeling very lonely.

Hey
You're going to be ok. You sound like an absolutely lovely person and you'll definitely come across a boy who really cares about you.
I know the feeling, and I still feel it at times
Post on my wall if you need to talk
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Old 24th Nov 2013, 06:11 AM   #7
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Default Re: I really, really need a boyfriend. I'm feeling very lonely.

I think one thing to notice here is that while we all feel like shouting it from the rooftops, none of us are. I mean I desperately want a boyfriend right not for all the reasons valkyrie just said, but have I done anything to get one? Noooope! Being a scaredy-cat sucks!
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Old 24th Nov 2013, 06:56 AM   #8
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Default Re: I really, really need a boyfriend. I'm feeling very lonely.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex K View Post
Sometimes at night I cannot get to sleep. This leaves me feeling really tired in the morning and I spend my spare at school sleeping and I still feel tired.
You can help this sleep aspect (which sucks) if you research online about 'sleep hygiene'. It tells you the best ways to ensure getting off to sleep.

And things to avoid doing. Seriously .... this bad sleep will pull down your energy and mood and it should be the first thing you address

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