i have a problem with two homophobic people in my class. one of which i was outed to by another of my friends phones. the person im out to T is a girl and she was being homophobic as usual so i decided that i dont want to put up with her being homophobic so the next day i sort of ignored her. then in IT. T and N her best friend, were sitting opposite me and we both had our backs to each other about half way through the lesson they both started to be really homophobic saying things like "yuck a fag i dont want to be anywhere near him" and other things. while i was sitting there hearing all that i just wanted to cry and i countinued to almost cry for the rest of the day. im not out to N and im not sure if T has told him or not. the next day T was talking to me like nothing had happened. im not sure if i should ditch both of them as i have done with other homophobic 'friends' but of all the previous 'friends' i havent been out to them. so im not sure because if i ditch them there is a chance i could get outted to my whole school (which is quite homophobic in it self) or if i should just pretend to be there friends so im not outed by them. i have tried talking to T in the past about it but she really does not care and just says that she doesnt mean it. but what i dont under stand is how can it be that hard to not say it if you dont mean it i get that there would be peer presure to be homophobic. so i guess what im asking is firstly how can i deal with homophobia? and secondly what should i do reguarding my 'friends'?
First of all, it's high school/middle school homophobia, not to say that it's any better, but in 4 years you'll never see them again and in 10 years you probably won't even remember their names. As far as dealing with it in the short-term just remember that most kids have insecurities and sadly some people decide to take out their own on other people. It's not your fault and there isn't much you can do. Personally, I'd have turned around and said "I'm not a fag, if you're going to talk about me get your facts right", "At least I'm not a two-faced, bitch that will end up pregnant by sr. year ." or something along those lines. As far as your own personal sanity, just remember that being gay isn't wrong and there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing to be ashamed of and if someone calls you gay, who cares? Now, I'm guessing you're not out to everyone, so that may be a little forward. If you want to take the high road: distance yourself. Just slowly decline hanging out, move away away from them in the class and start ignoring them. It may take a little bit of time, but eventually when they see they can't get a rise out of you they'll quit. As always, if it really becomes unbearable or starts to become physical: tell someone. In fact tell everyone that'll listen. A counselor, a nurse or an administrator or two until you get someone that'll listen. As always everyone on EC is here for you. Whether you need to just vent or ask for advice, someone will listen. (&&&)
Thanks for replying SomeNights i think that i'm going to do what you said and gradually distance my self from them. I never really thought about the fact that in four years i wont see them again so thanks for pointing that out.
Depending what grade you are in, it might even be more like 2 years and 8 months. Try distancing yourself gradually like SN said. Being snarky can be good, but you also don't want them to retaliate. Whats the climate like at your school on the whole?
Generally its homophobic at school and most of the time no one cares and the teachers do nothing, but i usually dont tell the teachers because im not out at school.but it has gotten slightly better after i made an anonymous letter to the school about the homophobia but the teachers still dont tell people off when they are homophobic.
Like everyone said, distance yourself from those "friends". Real friends stick by you through the tough stuff. Kids are just really stupid at your age. They take everything the world gives them, via tv, parents, and stuff like that and make their own jaded assumtions about being gay, and their words may hurt, but remember your not just some label. At some point, the smart, none offensive chilled people who like others for their personality will grow up realizing how unimportant stuff like this is, they should be worring about THEIR life, not yours. Just remember that most people grow up and dont care about other peoples lives, but sometimes stupid doesn't go away. It will get better, you'll make real friends, and when your a smart mature adult ( like moi :lol you'll realize those bungholes are working the fries at Mcdonalds, and your working at a big firm making 9x their salary...or not? who knows where life takes us...um. ok rant over. Just be nice and helpful to others, and if people along the way are buttholes, kindly shut them up and let em know your happy with yourself and won't let pitiful attempts at breaking you down happen. Amen.......(*hug*)
It's important to stop considering those people your friends, and to remember that you have so much to offer someone in partnership. Sharing emotions is usually healthy but we need to find the right person and be in the right environment. Homophobia in terms of academics is a challenging situation. Remember that being gay is a sexual orientation that is very personal and maybe impossible to share with people your own age or of any age. The last thing you need is for you to be labelled as disgusting for you preferences which you are not. You are channeling a lot of the information you receive in a way that is somewhat pessimistic, I would suggest you avail yourself to those who understand the similarities and differences of your being gay so that you may receive help from them by feeling welcome in your community.
