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How to break news to boyfriend of over 2 years?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by carelesswhisper, Nov 23, 2013.

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  1. carelesswhisper

    carelesswhisper Guest

    I'm not sure where else to turn because I don't have very many friends, and the ones that I do have I share with my boyfriend. Where to start, though. I guess I'll just give the gist of things.

    I've been with my boyfriend for... well, it just turned two years. Anyways, when we started dating, the first thing I told him was that I was bisexual (funnily enough, he turned to me and said that he was, too). After less than a year of dating, we moved in together. Bought a dog and all that. Our families love us dearly, his family even refers to me as his wife.

    It sounds great in theory, I know. The only problem is that I've done some soul searching and come to the realization that I'm a lesbian and I think I'm falling in love with someone else. It's an actual struggle to feel desire to have sex, and even then, I get no enjoyment out of it. It's just kind of a thing that happens and then it's over. But he IS my best friend. We spend every day together and I can't imagine my life without him, we laugh and we have fun together.

    I just... I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss. I'm scared because what if a few months down the road I have another realization and think that I made a mistake. I will have lost him for nothing. I feel like a wretched human being right now, please help. Any advice or words of wisdom that you have would mean everything to me right now.
     
    #1 carelesswhisper, Nov 23, 2013
  2. fleetingwells

    fleetingwells
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    If this is how you feel then it is a legitimate enough reason to break things off. What matters right now are your feelings, and your feelings say you do not feel for him in that way. It shouldn't matter if later down the line you change your mind or think you "made a mistake" b/c in present terms your feelings are more important. I really hope that he will understand that if he truly cares about you.
     
    #2 fleetingwells, Nov 24, 2013
  3. sandshoes

    sandshoes
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    So glad I found this thread, this is pretty much exactly the same situation as I'm in. I started a thread about it a few days ago.

    I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years, told him early that I was bi (found out that he is bi-curious). We live together, do pretty much everything together, share a group of close friends, are very welcome in each others families. I am almost certain I'm lesbian, and lately I've been feeling more that he is just my best friend than a boyfriend even though he's not feeling the same way. We haven't had sex in months because my lack of lust. I would never want to lose him, but I'm not sure if we could still hang out and do stuff if we would break up because he really loves me.

    Life is a bitch sometimes, right?
     
    #3 sandshoes, Nov 28, 2013
  4. Mzansi

    Mzansi
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    Well I've met many people in this situation,
    And the only 'wisdom' I could impart on you is that,
    In the end you need to remember he is going to be hurt,
    Since no one wants to know that someone they cared for hasn't been all that "into" them for the longest of whiles.

    But I like that you're honest and can admit you've fallen for someone else,
    So the best course of action would be to sit him down in private,
    And say that you personally see him as a best friend and love him,
    But not in "that" way,
    Make sure you assure him and make sure he knows he has a place with you no matter what,
    Then,
    The hard part comes where you're going to have to tell him the relationship must end,
    I don't feel at this stage you should say WHY,
    As this may evoke a sense of betrayal and hurt within him,
    Rather say you'd like to separate but stay within one anothers lives.

    See where it goes from there,
    Don't draw it out for too long though,
    The sooner the better!


    Best of luck :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Mzansi, Nov 28, 2013
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