Going insane over this one guy, but don't know what to do...

Hey, everyone.

Sorry in advance for the wall of text, but I digress.

So I've had a pretty substantial crush on this guy for a little over a month now. I met him here at my university. He's in the men's chorus with me, and he also lives in a different wing of the same dorm, so I see him fairly often.

First of all, I find him incredibly attractive. He has short, dark hair and the fullest, most beautiful beard. He's a little on the heavier side, though I wouldn't call him fat, but well-built, and I definitely like a little meat on guys' bones. Occasionally, I can see a nice dusting of chest hair peeking out from below the collar of his shirts, and I did once catch a glimpse of him shirtless (and was FAR from disappointed. ;D) The mere sight of him drives me crazy, and I won't lie, I find myself stealing glances at him more than I probably should.

I do like him personally, too, so it isn't just a case of the hots. He's a pretty cool guy, and we have similar personalities. He's pretty easygoing and has jokingly mentioned how he hates people (make that two of us, lol). He's smart too, studying chemistry, and I'm a sucker for a smart guy. I really do find him interesting, and definitely want to get to know him better.

The main problem I have is that I'm so bad at talking to people. I'm incredibly shy, and have a hard time really engaging in conversation until I've known people for a while. I know that that will come in time, and eventually I'll probably be able to get a lot closer to him within a little while. However, as similar as he is, he also seems a bit distant, and it seems like literally every time I attempt to go talk to him, he's either talking to someone else that he already knows or heading off to do something on his own. This makes trying to be around him a little difficult. Seriously, I've tried to ask him to join me for lunch after chorus every day this past week, and each time, he either took off back to our dorm before I had the chance, or he headed to the exact same dining hall I was headed to, only to have lunch with some other friend. I spent the meal staring longingly across the cafeteria that day.

Not only that, but I just don't know if he'd be interested in me. He IS gay, so I don't have to worry about the whole he's-straight-so-it'll-never-happen thing, but so far, this crush seems pretty one-sided. He certainly doesn't dislike me, but we definitely have a ways to go before he sees me as a closer friend (or more than that, if I'm lucky). Even though he's without a doubt exactly the type of guy I'd pursue, I don't know if I'm his. I tend to be accidentally feminine (in looks, not mannerisms). I have a round face with softer, not so masculine features, and I'm currently growing my hair out to make dreadlocks. My hair is naturally thick and wavy, so frankly, it's kind of beautiful, a bit to my chagrin. Don't get me wrong, I like my hair, but I hate how ladylike it makes me seem. I don't dress feminine, either, usually just a tee or a flannel shirt and whatever pants I grab out of my drawer first. Nothing flashy or anything. I don't carry myself in a particularly showy way either, usually rather slacker-ish almost.

I do get little flashes of hope from conversations with him. He keeps a generally friendly demeanor with me, and we have had some genuinely nice moments talking to each other. Plus, he did respond to a bit of flirting I did at a party the other night. I was a few drinks in and pretty gone, and told him his beard was sexy. He smiled and enthusiastically thanked me in response to the compliment, so it seemed to tickle him (oh my GOD his response was so cute). I don't know if he was particularly drunk or not, so he might have just been amused at my flirtatious comment, but he might have also taken it how I'd like him to.

I really do like this guy, but have no experience at all with dating. I've never had a boy/girlfriend, and usually just silently pine for guys and girls who didn't notice me the way I noticed them. Sometimes I feel like I'm a bit of a creep since I don't really know how to handle these feelings gracefully. I have a bad habit of having my eyes wander over toward him a lot when I'm around him, and I think he's caught me staring a couple times, though he doesn't seem terribly put off despite that fact. I've also done some light facebook stalking, but it's really nothing more than just looking through a few pictures and admiring him, or maybe reading a couple old posts, but I usually get bored with that, so it doesn't last long anyway. I have also followed him back to our dorm once after chorus, though to be fair, I was planning on heading back to my room anyway to get some laundry done. I just altered my route to better match his. Also, there's a table outside the little food court in our building that I usually go to so I can study in peace, and it just happens to be right outside the door to his wing of the dorms. I've been going there since before I noticed him, though, so I didn't start sitting there just on the off chance of seeing him walk by, though it sure is a nice perk.

I've talked about this a little with a close friend of mine, one of the first I ever came out to and someone I can trust with anything. She's given me a few encouraging words and also says that I've been more adorable than creepy, which is a bit of a relief. Still, this guy has me up a wall and I just need to spill my guts about it to more than just my confidant. I don't really know how to move forward with this, but definitely would like to see where this goes.

If anyone has any thoughts or advice, I would appreciate it so much.

 

I just really would like to hear someone else's thoughts on the situation so I'm not so in my head about it.

 

I like this rule of yours a lot. It's a great way of keeping the relationship meaningful instead of just being some emotionless hookup, and I completely agree with it.

I really do like the guy, and wouldn't mind if we ended up just being friends. In fact, I would welcome it, even if it was simply a friendly relationship. The main challenge for me, it appears, is going to be making my presence better known. I'm a pretty shy guy, and have been for years, so I've got some work to do in order to be more outgoing.

As far as I've gotten in conversations with him, he has shown off a personality and interests that I do enjoy and can relate with. Usually if there's something about a person that we couldn't be friends anyway, I pick up on some bad vibes from the get-go, but he seems pretty cool and I doubt there will be any sort of issues like that. However, I do realize that maybe I am inflating him just a bit in my head because of how attractive I find him, coupled with the fact that when I get a crush, I tend to turn into a fourteen-year-old girl about it, going crazy in such a silly way.

Thanks for the advice, and I'm going to make it a point to get myself out there a bit more so I can try and establish a real connection.