So, my situation is a little odd, and I'd love to hear opinions on it. I'm 16, and I'm a lesbian. I've always been more into women a LOT older than me. Like, 35+. I know it's kinda weird, but I know I can't be the only one like me. I am not in high school. I graduated 2 years ahead, and I am in college (living at home, though) so I'm surrounded by beautiful older women. I know I would have a chance with a lot of them. I don't look my age, and I make an effort to not act it. If I never told anyone, they'd never guess. I really want to be in a relationship with someone. But I don't think I could ever do it unless I was being dishonest about my age. I know I'm not "legal," but I'm just not interested in my own age range. I don't know that I can wait until I'm 18. Is that really my only option? Anyone else been through anything similar? Would love to know thoughts from all ages.
Cuddleable, welcome to EC! You may be attracted to women that much older than you, but speaking from experience, you will be a better candidate dating older women in about 5 years. I was still maturing emotionally, along with most everyone my age, and was better able to 'handle' myself after 21/22. I'd say wait until then to date women that much older than you. While I don't feel that it is wrong, if you did date a woman who was 35+, she would most likely match your current maturity, which could be indicative of her own immaturity. I hope this makes sense.
Large age gaps can work... but usually they don't. A large age gap usually means a large maturity gap, and a large gap in what stage of life you are in. The social and financial independence of a 30 year old is completely different to what you have right now, and because of that I think any relationship you would have with someone that age would risk resembling more of a parent/child relationship than a romantic one. It's completely fine to be attracted to people older than you, but I'd definitely advise against acting on it until you are closer to their age and stage in life. Additionally, if that sort of relationship wouldn't be legal where you live because of your age, you certainly shouldn't be considering it at all, regardless of whether you think it is right for you or not. Breaking this law can land both of you (especially the older partner) in very serious trouble.
I was pretty much the same at 16. And, well... Now looking back I don't think I was as mature as I (and others) considered myself. To a degree it's possible to be very mature at 16, but you still lack a lot of experiences and probably are quite immature emotionally. As I got older I found many (ok, maybe not that many) women my own age whom I liked. My best advice for you is - wait a few years. You are still very young, there's nowhere to hurry. If you can get a date then congrats, but if you cannot - don't feel too bad about it. The thing with older women is usually not that rosy at all. If someone 5+ years older than you sees you as a very mature person and good dating material, then there's a 99.9% chance that they themselves are an immature adult, that's all. Also, you are legal. Quite legal, that is. Nobody is brought to court if one person is 16 and the other 18, 19, 20. That's the reality of how people date. If you date someone close to or over 25, then it can get problematic.
In the U.S. the age depends on the state. States are split between 17 and 18 being of legal age of consent. A few states set the bar at 16. There are also some states that do the three year age gap like you speak of and some that do not. I happen to know a lot about this since my friend went to jail when he was 18 for dating a 14 year old who lied about her age. It's dangerous stuff and you definitely don't want to lie about your age, that won't create any type of relationship. It's probably best to wait until your 18. I think I'm one of the immature people they speak of because I'm the opposite. I'm 26 and am interested in a 19 year old right now. I don't feel that's too odd but their is a 7 year age gap. To be honest, she's very mature and when I met her, she was 17 which is legal here but I still didn't go for her. Now I've decided to make a move. I waited, she waited, hopefully everything works out okay. It sucks but I agree, it's best to wait or find someone your own age who is as mature as you (if you are able).
