So I have the best boyfriend in the world, I love him dearly. Lately we've just been... Well I don't even know how to explain it. Having some trouble I suppose. I feel like whenever I talk to him or suggest something romantic or nice we could do, he has a hesistant attitude, by saying meh, or idk... Then whenever I try bringing it up he'll say, and has said "IDK I hate talkinga bout this." Then I feel bad, get offline, and go do something else because I'm sad. It sucks, but I don't want to lose him! In our past: -I have had jealousy issues. (Kinda fixed) -Trust issues (mainly fixed) -Clinginess (on my end) He sometimes doesn't pay a lot of attention to me, like when he's playing a video game, which is a LOT. He is also going through some family issues. Just today he left his skype on and I heard his dad and his mom's boyfriend go at it. He, his dad and his sister live with his mother (parents divorced), her boyfriend practically lives there. They ALWAYS get in fights and arguments, so his family life can get hard right now. I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to lose him, I have great plans for us in the future, but how can I make it so I don't upset him everytime I talk to him? arghgahrg
Well, as someone whose parents argue a lot, I personally just don't like being asked about it. I don't know why, it probably irritates me because I can't do anything to fix it. Your boyfriend could be the same way. You might just want to let him know that you're there if he ever needs to talk or rant, and try to spend time doing things with him that he likes. Maybe try playing videogames with him, go to a movie he wants to see, or just invite him over so he's out of his house and away from the arguing, take his mind off things for a while. But if he gets too frustrated, or if you feel like you're pushing too much, you might want to just give him some time to himself. I know I have those days where I just want to be alone for a few hours. Hopefully it works out for you two!
I understand, but it's not just when I ask about that. He gets like that when I ask to do anything romantic, or talk about some issues we may have as a couple.
It's sounds like he doesn't know how to deal with it and so he's shutting down and locking everyone out. I know, because I did the same thing about 7-8 years ago(had to think about that one). Alot of times, what I did, was pretend that nothing was wrong. Which worked for a while. IMHO: The best thing you can do is wait. Casually let him know that your there and willing to listen, but don't force it on him. Eventually, he will get sick of bottling everything up and I'd bet my next paycheck you'll be the one he vents to. Until then you'll probably have to deal with some mood swings and distance. Also, as far as your "clinginess", that might be a two path road. Where you might have some clinginess and he might have some commitment issues, both put together equals one hell of a mess. It can work, but you'll both have to work on your own sides of it. Not just you bending around him.
Just give him some space. Even the best of couples need time to themselves. Clinging kills relationships when someone doesn't respond well to it. If he doesn't want to talk about something, don't pressure him to talk about it. Most likely he'll just get angry and then you'll get sad/annoyed lol. Eventually you should be able to talk about something, and if that's not the case, well then he's not the best bf ever haha. Communication is a big part of a relationship. As for his inattentiveness while playing video games - Well what do you expect, haha? Do you expect him to drop what he's doing to pay attention to your texts/messages? Heck no haha. Men play video games. Your BF is no exception. I specifically tell my bf when I'm gonna play video games and he knows to not expect much from me It's not a "Fuck you, I'm ignoring you for video games." I just want time to do what I enjoy. That being said, there's always a balance to maintain for a relationship. That's up to you guys. As for you wanting to help him with his family situation - Let him come to you. Be sincere and considerate of his situation, but don't smother him. If he wants to talk to you about it, that's his choice to make. Lastly - Don't lull yourself into the "I have the best BF ever" thing. You're both young. You're going to change, which means your relationship will change, either for the better or you'll break up. You're both hormonal, which adds another layer of complications. Things aren't going to be perfect, so don't get sucked in so deep.
What do you mean when you say your issues are fixed? Do you mean that they will always be a factor in your relationships and that there's no chance of them improving? I'd like to clarify that before responding further, as I don't want to be presumptuous.
Like, it doesn't get to me as much anymore. I.e. Jealous. I use to get very jealous very easily and couldn't hide it. Now I dont feel it as much, and when i do I wont bring it up and it will pas.
That's great! All of us are actively growing, for the most part. It's wonderful to hear that you've been learning to not let jealousy get to you, and are learning that, at least for some emotions and thoughts, they can be fleeting. All you can do at the moment is listen to your boyfriend. He may be going through a rough period in his life at the moment. Be there for him, but if he does not want to talk about something, I'd suggest respecting his wishes. It might hurt to not be let in, but he must allow you in actively before that can happen. I wish the best for you =]
