I currently live with my parents. I've been trying to envisage what it will be like to come out to them, but in particular my Mum as we are very close. I've been attempting to work out in my mind whether she has some idea and is waiting for me to tell her OR if it'll be a total shock to her. I have a feeling my Dad suspects. When ever anyone talks about gay people in a negative manner he strongly defends them saying there's nothing wrong with being gay. I wonder if he's trying to let me know he'd be ok with it?! I could be wrong of course. Some things that make me think my Mum surely must have her suspicions: - 23 and NEVER had a boyfriend (or girlfriend) - NEVER mentioned fancying boys (don't try to pretend!) - Had very obsessive friendship (on reflection, unrequited love!) with a girl when I was 15. I was miserable when I was not around the girl, unbearable for my parents and my Mum picked up on the strange friendship and commented on the fact I was obsessed. - Wrote things in a diary about said girl when I was 15 that you wouldn't write about just a FRIEND. Things about her smile, her sense of humour, every detail of things she had said and done. My mum could easily have read it. I think she possibly did! - A further more recent unrequited love/obsessive friendship. Mum warned me not to become so friendly with this girl that I lost my other friends. She reminded me I'd become obsessed before! - In a conversation about gay relationships a few years back (our neighbours are gay and we were talking about them) Mum said to me 'I wouldn't exactly be pleased if you were gay. Are you trying to tell me you're gay?' .... My response 'no, but....' (Mum doesn't know but I went to bed and cried myself to sleep straight after denying it , I wasn't ready to say it then!) - I will openly stand up to homophobia and voice my support showing more than average interest for gay rights issues when in the news etc. (people know I'm all for equality) OR I go awkwardly red and quiet when conversations about lesbians arise. - I have shown more interest than normal in lesbian characters in TV shows over the years (or awkwardly try to pretend I'm not watching them!) - Bought 'Sugar Rush' box set when I was younger and left it in the living room (Mum must have read the box when she was cleaning). She asked what made me buy it! I said I remember it from the TV from a while back!! (Poor answer I know!) - I guess I was and maybe still am a bit of a tomboy. I'm not into girly clothes at all. E.g. as a kid I would chose to wear my new track suit on my birthday not a dress! My mum frequently comments (in disappointment) 'you just dress like a lad, you never wear anything feminine'. This is a little harsh! I will wear a dress to a wedding or a ball and I don't buy guys clothes. I just buy more androgynous women's clothes really. (This is maybe a terrible stereotype I know, but it's who I am and how I'm comfortable!) - and I could go on ..... It has scared me in the past just how much my Mum can read me and what I'm thinking. But I'm not sure if she's got a clue on my sexuality! I love her to bits and it would break me to lose our close relationship over this. It worries me how traditional her views are. She's accepting of gay people generally, we have lesbian family friends and she'd never say anything homophobic in public as she knows it's not PC. But there are little comments and things I've heard her say to close family and in our house that make me think that deep down she tolerates gay people rather than accepts them and she probably would struggle to accept someone close to her as gay. I could be underestimating her but these are the vibes I get. Any thoughts/opinions on whether my Mum might suspect or be accepting? Also I'm an only child. I feel like this is making coming out to them 10x harder. They won't have anyone to live out the straight lifestyle that they'd always imagined for their offspring!! The lifestyle they are seeing all my cousins fit into and are waiting for it to be my turn. As an only child there's no sibling to talk to or distract your parents attention with their issues for a while!' Does being an only child make it harder do you think?
I'm an only child too! My mom has hinted a few times if I'm having "homosexual relations". And I completely scoffed at her (a great attempt too), and told her to stop dreaming. However, I often have my doubts as to whether she suspects something or not. I keep hearing that parents often find out about these things and just wait for their son/daughter to come out to them. I hope the latter, and my parents won't kick me out when I do reveal it to them. But think about it, you mentioned that you think she is "tolerating" gays right now. If you do reveal yourself, and if she loves you (which I can see she does), wouldn't that give her the push to be accepting instead of tolerating? Love and the wellbeing of children does a lot to parents.
I know it would push her one way or the other. If they know already when I tell them I suppose things would only get better than they are now. If they are clueless when I tell them I actually don't think for one minute they'd disown me or kick me out of the house. However there's a significant possibility that there would be an such an unspoken, disappointed atmosphere that it would make being around them so impossible it would drive me out. I suppose I can only hope they do suspect and they've been getting used to the idea in their heads. But I can't help look at them feel sorry for them that I won't necessarily be able to give them the marriage and kids they can proudly tell their friends about like they expected. I know this is all still possible in a way but it'll never be the same for them. And they haven't even got any other kids to live out the normal straight marriage and grandchildren dream for them. I guess part of the problem is I myself don't even feel worthy of these things in a gay relationship. Maybe one day I will?!
