I realised that I was into guys when I was 13, being from a conservative household and being a Catholic (I went to a Catholic school despite being from a non-catholic family I converted when I was 12) I made the idiotic decision to lie a lie and pretend to be not gay, so faked interest in girls in the hope that it was a phase that I would get over. This went on for years, my parents and friends kept on wondering when I would get a girlfriend since thats what teenage boys (well I am not technically a boy but hey I have boy parts) do. At 18 I met a girl, stumbled into a relationship and she fell in love with me , I couldn't love her back and I broke her heart. She hates me I used her to live some self centred lie. When I came out as a gay person to my parents (I don't think I will be able to come out as genderqueer ever I don't think being a guy who sometimes wants to be a girl and cross dresses and passes sometimes, they won't understand) they were disappointed that I had lied to them, that I had hid my self mutilation (I cut when this was going on) and my suicide attempt to them (I couldn't live with myself after I broke her heart for nothing) they were so upset. They don't trust me, I think we are drifting apart, I don't like spending time with them anymore, I want to be alone at Christmas and disappear from their lives their deserve better than a genderqueer kid that is too pathetic to be truthful to them. All I do is ruin lives. ---------- Post added 2nd Dec 2013 at 10:18 PM ---------- Just to clarify my parents are begging me to come home for Christmas but I don't know if I want to
I know you feel like a bad person but you're not. Very few of us get through life without any regrets.. without hurting anyone else (despite trying not to). Its part of learning. Sounds like you have come a long way to me. Now you have accepted who you are and told people you can start being true to people.
Agree with this (above).. Could you not face up to a family christmas? - it is nice they want you there Do you have any alternative place to go or people to be with. Sorry I know family christmasses can suck but on the other hand ...
