1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

So a new dilemma in my situation

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ScaredAndScarre, Dec 2, 2013.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. ScaredAndScarre

    ScaredAndScarre
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2013
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Okay. I'm head over heels madly in love with my best friend and roommate, and he knows it. Yes we've been trying to work thought it, and I think things are mending well.

    However, he is moving back to his hometown in a week and a half because he is graduating early from college, while I still have one semester left.

    One night several weeks ago, we were talking about our situation in a drunken stupor, and I said something that upset him. I apologized, but later found out he went and told his mother about everything that is going on (I felt like he broke my trust).

    Now, here's my situation. When he comes back in May to walk in the graduation ceremony with me, he's bringing his parents. Now, I'm terrified about what his mother is going to think of me. I'm sure his mother told his father everything as well. I have never met them, and I have no idea what kind of people they are.

    Any ideas of what I should do, say? Should I try to avoid them? What if they confront me?
     
    #1 ScaredAndScarre, Dec 2, 2013
  2. gingerincloset

    gingerincloset
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2013
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Take everyday one step at a time and understand you can not control everything. This is a difficult concept for me because I am a control freak; but I also have accepted that worrying can be more troublesome than what you are worrying about. Unfortunately, (and I say this as a paranoid, anti-social) people can not be trusted to keep everything a secret. They have to tell someone so they can better understand the situation, much like posting in this forum. Just realize that when the time comes, things could be drastically different. Or they could be the same. The point being you will not know how anybody is going to react until it happens and since it it out of your control, you should avoid dwelling on it as much as possible.

    I wouldn't avoid them, and if they confront you then be polite and respectful the whole time. Is there anyway to go to his hometown before then to meet his parents? If things are going to progress, and they already know about you, you could always bite the bullet to prevent a potential breakdown in the already stressful time it will be for you.
     
    #2 gingerincloset, Dec 2, 2013
  3. resu

    resu
    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    What's done is done. So, don't let some drunken words ruin your graduation. It's your big day, too. Don't actively avoid your roommate's parents, but you could just talk to him alone when they're not around.
     
    #3 resu, Dec 2, 2013
  4. ScaredAndScarre

    ScaredAndScarre
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2013
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    But what should I say to them? I'm embarrassed. I have deleted nearly everything on my Facebook account because I fear his family has been looking through it. I have pretty much everything set to private as much as I can. I've checked and checked the "View As" function several times just to see if any of my statuses have gotten through. I don't want people, especially my roommate/best friend/love interest's parents scoping through it.

    What do I say to them when they come here for graduation?
     
    #4 ScaredAndScarre, Dec 7, 2013
  5. resu

    resu
    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    What did you actually say to him? I think you're taking this to the extreme, especially since you said things are mending. Maybe you should talk to your roommate about your discomfort. Also, May is a long way off to see his parents.
     
    #5 resu, Dec 7, 2013
  6. ScaredAndScarre

    ScaredAndScarre
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2013
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I told him I'm gay and that I have feelings for him. I had been lying to him for a long time and felt like I couldn't lie anymore. I told him after that that it was probably a good thing he was moving away because then I wouldn't have to face him and these feelings everyday. That upset him, but it upsets me more than it upset him. That's when he went and told his mother everything (somewhat breaking my trust that he not tell anyone else).
     
    #6 ScaredAndScarre, Dec 8, 2013
  7. resu

    resu
    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    What you said was not actually harmful, even if it was surprising to him. I think you should cut him some slack when he told his mom; he probably was unable to deal with it alone or she had that "mother's instinct" and got it out of him. That said, if you specifically told him not to tell others, then it was a bad move on his part. If you haven't told him already that you didn't like this, tell him now.

    Also, what did he say to you when you came out to him? Why was he upset when you said it was good he was moving away? It's a reasonable, if tragic, position to take when you have unrequited love. As for his mom (and family in general), do you think she would be homophobic or supportive?
     
    #7 resu, Dec 8, 2013
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)