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We started experimenting and now Im into him

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by yohbodii, Dec 2, 2013.

  1. yohbodii

    yohbodii Guest

    So this all started a few months ago when the two of us became friends. We were always into the gay jokes and what not, always screwing around, but we were straight

    Well a few months into the friendship one way or another, all in a joking manner, we hooked up, like full on hooked up. Both him and I are the same age, and are both straight as far as we are concerned.

    After we hooked up I was very confused, and going through a weird state where I kept questioning why i would have ever done such a thing if i was straight. He called it an experiment, and seemed like he got over it quickly (although I dont think he did).After about a month or two I found myself over it. We still always flirted alot and found oursleves talking about it awkwardly, but it appeared we were BOTH over it .

    A few months after the hookup, something happened again, both he and I instigated it equally again. He didnt stop me and I didnt stop him. Well this time its completely different , this happened about a month ago. I found myself within the last week, trying to get it to happen again. I am not sure why though. What I do know is this. I LOVE women, and everything about them, and I could NEVER ever see myself hooking up with another man, only him though. For some reason I want it to happen again. Well I told this to him and he took it in a joking manner as we both normally would, except Im not joking. So I decided to be completely honest and tell him that I do indeed want it to happen yet again, and he completely closed on me. He does understand me, but is turning me down. Based off what I see it seems like he does want it to happen again, but has too much pride to say so, and because it is obviously something we shouldnt be doing. I know it is something we shouldnt be doing, but the way I see it is its not such a big deal considering it has already happened in the past.

    So now here I find myself SEXUALLY attracted to him, and only sexually not emotionally, but cannot get him. It is however starting to effect me emotionally because i again find myself super confused. Again, I love women, and could never find myself in this life with a women in it, I could never ever see myself hooking up with another man either, only him .

    Is it best to just not be friends ? Was I too honest with him ? What do I do? How can I get over this (him) ?

    I really do care about this kid hes a good guy, and would do almost anything for him, but I am literally lost! please some kindful suggestions ?!?!?!
     
  2. SomeNights

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    First of all, Welcome to EC!

    You're not the first person to experience falling for one person. In fact, in my humble opinion that's the way it should work. Alas, here is a GREAT thread already floating around that might help you with coming to terms over what you feel.(warning kind of a read)

    As far as what you could do in your situation: you can either be there as a friend or start to distance yourself. Here is the thing, you've told him that you're interested as more than friends. If he's not willing to reciprocate those feelings for whatever reason(closeted, denial, not interested, etc.), then there is no way for you to force him to.

    As far as your sexuality is concerned, just remember that very few people are 100% straight or 100% gay. Most people lie somewhere in between and that's okay. I wouldn't stress or put a whole lot of thought into the issue as it will only cause you grief. Just focus on the people that you like and live that way.

    Home this helps,
    SN
     
  3. Gingerblond93

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    Yeah, I agree sexuality is fluid and not 100% straight or gay. You seem very hung up that you like woman. I'm sure you do and perhaps this attraction has you confused cause you most likely have been taught by society that you either like woman or you like men but you can't like both. Sadly, this is not true and you like so many others will find you have the capacity to be attracted to both.

    So one area you may want to work on is to get over any guilt you may have towards yourself for being sexually attracted to your friend. Also, don't deny yourself that you may find other guys sexually attractive too. This may happen and don't beat yourself up if it does. Your attraction to men and woman will change most likely and at times you will find yourself more attracted to one or the other.

    With regards to your friend, as was mentioned by SomeNights, you can't force yourself on your friend. You can only worry about and take care of yourself. Just be there for your friend, let him know how you feel about him and tell him that it's totally up to him with regards if he wants to be more than friends with you or not. Tell him you will respect his decision regardless. That way you can preserve the friendship.

    With regards to other guys, don't shut out the possibility you may find another guy attractive, perhaps a guy who is gay or bi. Just don't close the door to both sides of your sexuality. This should become easier after you get rid of any self induced guilt you have put upon yourself.

    Best of luck.
     
  4. WhiteShadows

    Full Member

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    It's interesting that he was so willing to do that with you in the first place... and didn't seem to have a problem with it as long as you both just called it "fooling around/experimenting"
    If you really want to do it again, I think you would just need to push the idea back into that "it's only fooling around / an experiment" overtone... as opposed to being a thing you really want to do. But I'll warn you that if you were to keep doing this, you could develop an attachment which may hurt you in the long term.

    I think the best thing to do would just to be his friend and don't worry too much about it :slight_smile:
     
  5. yohbodii

    yohbodii Guest

    Thank you guys, Im finding out more and more about this as the time passes. I see where it would make sense that society teaches us its wrong to love both, but im learning that it is possible. I myself said a few years back that it was impossible to love both, and that your either gay or straight, but now I find my self retracting those words.

    I am literally in such a stressful point. Right now we aren't talking, and its killing me. I don't know how he is feeling or what hes been up to. But part of the issue is im really attracted to him, I just cant stop thinking about him. I really do just want him out of my life, I dont even want to bother with him anymore but it is a lot easier said than done.

    I just so wish he would tell me he felt the same, but he doesnt. Although this maybe what I want to think, I think he is in denial, theres just too much about our situation that wouldn't make think otherwise. He's very different around other people, but when we are alone he is too nice, and just too awesome.

    I also hate the fact that I find myself jealous of him with other girls, and it really is killing me on the inside. Right now, what I really want is for him to be mine, but since that appears to not be possible, then what I want is to never hear about or from him again. If i just think about him it pulls me down so bad. I guess I just wish he would let his guard down a little and open up, but he wont he has way too much pride.

    I guess my next question or problem that I need help with is, how do I get over him ? I dont want to resort to drinking as this will obviously not be good for me. But I am literally so confused as to what I should do. I cant stop thinking of him and I dont want to anymore. Any tips or suggestions? Also, what do u guys think hes thinking about ? Do you think Im even crossing his mind, or did he just forget about what I told him? PLEASE HELP ! Thanks!

    ---------- Post added 3rd Dec 2013 at 04:57 PM ----------

    Thanks, read that thread last night, its pretty intense. I so wish that would be his situation in a way. But I dont think it is. He has too much pride.

    ---------- Post added 3rd Dec 2013 at 04:57 PM ----------

    Thanks, read that thread last night, its pretty intense. I so wish that would be his situation in a way. But I dont think it is. He has too much pride.