Hey guys, So I am not entirely out of the closet, but I am out to myself and want to at least begin the "search" for a relationship. My fear is that because I am not out entirely that any relationship that does come won't last. I guess it stems from this idea that relationships should be between two people who are both either in or out. If one is out and the other in, it never works. Is that just a myth? How do you combat the two worlds?
I'd say go for it and start trying to date. If the relationship doesn't last whether the other person is in or out, that a very good indication it wasn't supposed to last. On the other hand, you may find that guy that motivates you to come out and supports you the whole way through the process.
Both my partner and I are both in the closet. We've been dating for 4 years and I will tell you it's not easy. We agreed to come out together by the end of the year, mostly so I can move in with him. If the guy your dating is out and your not, its really not fair to the guy who is out. If your both not out, it can work but it has it's challenges.
I'm not sure it has to be the same for both of y'all as long as you make it clear to him from the beginning that you're not out. Then again I'm neither fully out nor dating so I wouldn't really know.
It can work, although it can be quite difficult. You have to hide a lot of things, make stuff up, and lie to people. It also puts the "out" partner in a bad situation having to walk on egg shells and be reduced back down to basically being closeted with their partner in a way.
In my personal experience, you may be able to come out to everyone else after you have found someone and started dating. Unfortunately, I have hidden relationships with women and it never ended well for me. I thought I'd be able to get the courage to finally let everyone in my family know once I'd started dating but I didn't. It put a lot of strain on the relationship and I left my girlfriends (2 of them, obviously at different times) feeling unwanted. That hurt me to know they felt that way because I was just living in fear someone would find out.
