So I came out to my Dad about 3 months ago, and his reaction was not good. My dad said some awful things that I think I'll never forget, he said: - He couldn't lie to me that he was sad when he first heard it. - He thinks he didn't raise me right. - That I should really think if I'm sure. - That I shouldn't come out to anyone else before I was independent. and i didn't say a thing because I've always been afraid of him and he said he wasn't happy. He finished by saying he loved me... He hasn't talked about it ever since and I'm thinking I'm gonna have to come out again saying I'm sure about it and that I won't change, but now I'm way more afraid than before because of what he said the first time. I think that he let it pass the first time because he told me to think about it and make sure of my decision, so he hoped I would change. Now I think he will react worse when I say I won't change. I don't have any friends right now because of a lot of things that happened with my life recently that don't really matter to this situation. The only person I care about in my life anymore is my brother, that I haven't even come out to officially, but I think he knows. So what is happening right now is that I don't have anyone to talk to about this, I might need to come out again to my dad but I'm afraid, I can't live with him anymore if he doesn't accept me but I have nowhere to go. My Life would be so much better, I would make new friends again and figure out what I want to do for a living, if he just accepted me, but I guess that's asking for too much... Anyone wanna give me some advice, or just say what you think? Because I have absolutely no idea what to do right now...
For a situation like that I would say that it is best to wait until you're on your own and financially independent from your father if you believe that there might be a chance where he would kick you out of the house. I know it sucks to essentially keep "hiding" but you need to think about your safety and well-being first. It's only a temporary thing.
I would say, you told him once already. He has not forgotten about it and chooses to just ignore it. You should just live your life, school and whatever activities you enjoy. Keep yourself busy and focus on school work. If your really close to your brother and you trust him, when you feel the time is right, you may want to come out to him and explain what your father said. So perhaps he will keep it to himself and support you. If you happen to meet a nice guy you want to date, don't be afraid and just go for it and live your life. But this should only happen is you just happen to meet someone, don't actively go looking for a BF at this time. At some point in future, if your dad challenges you on your so called "choice" to be gay, you may want to ask him when in his life he "chose" to be straight? That might help him understand it's not a choice, it's how your made.
If he did kick me out I would probably move in with my older brother. When I said I had nowhere to go I meant I don't have anywhere to go willingly, because my brother is married and lives in another city so I don't think he would let me move in unless my dad kicked me out. It looks like hiding is the only option right now, but everytime I'm near my dad I can't help but think he doesn't like me and ask myself what am I still doing here, and it hurts. It's difficult to move on with my life when there is someone in my house that doesn't like me, especially my dad. I can't go out right now because all I can think is that when I get home he's gonna be there, not liking me. Is this common for someone who got a bad reaction? I could focus on my studies until I got a job and moved out, but that should take 4 years(college, I'm studying economics), and I don't know if I can handle that much time "hiding". I think what I should do right now is come out to my brother "officially" and see if he supports me, but whenever I try to do that I start thinking "what if he rejects me too?" "I'm gonna be truly alone" and I just panic. If I do come out to him, do you guys think I should ask him to move out with me, or should I stay and finish talking with my dad first?
